| | Hi Back, just a few comments on what you wrote. first of all, i understand your frustration with not experiencing the bliss and rapture which daniel wrote about in his most excellent book. i have been meditating very steadily for over five years and have in that time been at times VERY frustrated with "my" lack of progress. here are all of these young, wet behind the ears upstarts, no damned life experience just busting out with bliss and rapture and happiness and jhanas attainments galore...you get my point. it didn't help me a bit and i doubt that kind of questioning will bring you very far.
in the very recent past, ia have begun experiencing some of the stages and states described. these small steps are fun experiences but more importantly for me are proof, in my own personal body-mind laboratory that so far the maps and their promises are real and verifiable. this works. the timetable and experiences are different for everyone so my simple advice, which is also to be found in the MCTB is: read the MCTB, practice according to it, lower your expectations for big events, and realize that negative states can be a sign of progress.
another point you mentioned is psychotherapy. you mentioned that is is an oft repeated suggestion on "these" forums. here, i believe, the approach is, if you believe that you are really depressed or have other psychological problems that seem persistant then getting yourself evaluated (not necessarily doped up) by a professional is a good idea. you wrote that you are a generally unhappy person. i would venture a guess that that statement applies to all of us (who have not attained to the paths) very very often. it is a common characteristic amoung poeple who show up at these types of forums. i fell we instinctively know where the roots of our unhappiness lies and this is a real way to turn that around.
its been quite a few years since i regularly smoked my brain in marijuana. i had the distinct advantage of have no real interest in its effects and so was able to drop it without much ado. i had been smoking, much like you, du to my peer group and the acceptance and overall ubiquity in my environment rather that for the effects which i actually found made me anxious. my personal opinion is: drop it. it may help you to cope with general anxiety or depression, don't know, but a clear and discerning mind is invaluable in this practice imo. it won't take long for you to not miss it and your thinking will clear within a short time.
just a general point about this forum. generally this place focuses on practice, talking about practice, outcomes of practice, problems with practice..in short..practice. there are some EXTREMELY kind and competent advisors on this site who will answer your questions about you practice. that is an unbelieveably precious thing. a few years ago an almost impossible thing. the point is. here people don't want to spend time talking about the specifics of ones love life or troubles with the boss, that kind of thing, just practice, methods that kind of stuff. check out the front page and FAQ for closer guidelines.
as you finally wrote, you want to step up your concentration practice and move toward insight. GREAT! thats why were here. just do it, keep doing it. even when it isn't so comfortable keep doing it. if you hit a practice roadblock, ask a question. keep it simple, don't read more into the instructions than is there and really try to enjoy it. if you want the bliss to come..let it come. feel what feels good and focus on that. you can start insight any time. concentration tends to make it more precise but get used to sitting first.
welcome aboard and know that you can do it
tom |