Hey Rich, going by what you've said in your post here I'd say that you are currently in Dark Night territory. I know you said before that you weren't sure about that as you didn't recognize a distinct A&P experience prior to feeling like this but what you're saying definitely sounds Dark Night-esque. Reading through this post, you're also demonstrating great insights into the way things are so you're definitely doing this right, and remember what I said before about how stuff like this is actually, as perverse as it may seem, a sign of progress along the path.
What's your day-to-day experience like just now?
From what I can tell identity is a collection of experiences... mental images, certain flavours of feeling like "mine" which attach to things. It seems actually that there's more than one type of identity which arises in consciousness... for example sometimes you feel really cool and you have cool images and this sense of "coolness" which is "me"... and other times you have the sense of being a dork and a sense of "dorkiness" which is "me".
So, if there's more than one type of identity (i.e. self) arising, what does that tell you about the entire sense of self?
What I've found when meditating is that, just by following the technique of noting and abstracting naturally, that these identities start to break down somewhat (not massively for me, but certainly they start to shake... like someone hitting a brick wall with a wooden hammer... the wall doesn't collapse but it shakes and bits of concrete start to break off and splinter...). I find thisw process results in a sense of loss... increased pain (physically and emotionally) and all that stuff. Maybe it's "dark night"ish, I don't know.
You're probably now in Dark Night. The way the sense of identity begins to break down, not like a sense of shattering, more like things are disintegrating, is what happens in the stage immediately after the A&P. This is the 5th ñana, Knowledge of Dissolution, which is the entrance to DN territory. From here, the best thing to do is keep practicing, I'd even recommend bringing noting into your daily life as it's a fantastic way to refine your technique and speed up the process.
What's perhaps confusing is that you didn't notice a distinct A&P event, but this isn't out of the ordinary. I've gone through A&P's in my sleep, and ones which had little more than a change in focus, but the fact of the matter is that once you've passed this you will end up in Dark Night. The upside of this is that, in my experience, by continuing your practice, regardless of where you think you are on the maps, you'll learn to pay closer attention to the subtle sensations and learn to navigate this territory much quicker.
But to get back to the point... after these sorts of sessions where I "attack" my identity... I come "off the cushion" feeling terrible. I feel lost... alone... weak etc... actually the real world becomes seriously more challenging.
This is par for the course, do you also notice the sense of fear when there's nothing to be afraid of? Bingo. That's the self starting to loose it's foothold. Look at
what's lost, alone, weak etc.
If I were to apply meditative technique to that above paragraph I shudder to think of the consequences in "real life" terms.
Would you mind explaining this a bit more? I can't see how applying insight meditation to the self-programming of "positive thinking" would be anything but beneficial.
So this is where I'm caught in this identity paradox. It seems like for the world of morality... identity is a strength and an asset. Whereas the path attacks this very thing which helps us in the real world
No, it doesn't!! You're misunderstanding something about this whole thing which will bring you nothing but suffering, all you're doing right now by thinking this way is setting up obstacles to progress.
What is that you believe is happening with the process of "enlightenment"?
What is this "very thing which helps us in the real world"?
Who told you "identity is a strength"?
How does having an identity help you? You said yourself, identity is nothing more than a bunch of experiences (sensations would be more accurate) and that a number of identities appear throughout the day. Does this mean than any one of these identities, those hollow masks of personality, are any more important or special than any other?
Vipassana does not destroy the identity, it shows you something very, very interesting about it which needs to be experienced to be understood.
What is it that you want from meditative practice? Honestly.