Beoman:
A&P dood! i know what you mean about body straightening. it's like the body finds just the right way to position itself, and it feels awesome. then if you keep sitting things start sucking again and you wonder "where did all that awesome sitting go?" that's A&P -> Dark Night for ya. (not sure if the latter part of it starting to suck happened to you yet, but it might.)
It might well have. I'll try to explain my practice/current progress as best I can below. That full on body straigtening does not happen to me every time, but some version of it happens most times I sit now, but sometimes it's a fleeting thing, quickly over..
about "missing those bits" - this process is not about 'you'. it is the antithesis of 'you'. the mind is gaining insights into how it functions on a fundamental level. it moves along when it's good and ready, and not before or after. what 'you' do by meditating is set up the conditions for it to see properly, but the seeing happens on its own, even if that's not entirely obvious right now.
I guess I was expecting insights to be more like "lightbulb moments": for things to suddenly "click". I don't get anything like that at all (except for some stuff I notice when I hear a sound - the body tenses, or reacts to that sound - when I was on retreat last a guy there had a really annoying little cough and I noticed that when he coughed, my chest constricted a little bit because I was pissed off at it. (i also realised this was dumb, but couldn't control it).
Okay. So let me try to describe where I'm at now, and some thoughts around it:
* I hit what you both have identified as A&P stuff after 5-10mins. If that. It seems I barely have to sit and things start to happen.
* Every time there is any quiet or stillness that is not filled with my work I notice strong vibrations all through the body. I can feel it in my feet, legs and hands as well as chest and face even as I type this! (my right foot always wants to curl up as well for some reason.. like it has a life of it's own)
* There is something that happens to me after some time meditating (depends on concentration but maybe 20-30mins, and not every sit) that I've not mentioned as I have always thought of it as a sign of concentrating to hard. But after this conversation I wonder if it's relevant to Dark Night stuff? -- I will get an uncomfortable, very insistent, very small (pinhead size) itch/irritation somewhere around the nostrils or mouth. If I continue to meditate as I was, it will get worse, and I will get others. At it's height, it is almost unbearable. It's really, really horrible. I've come to know these sensations as "the nasties"!.
* I have tried focusing on them. You hear people say "pay attention to the sensation, and see that it is impermanent" but these don't go away, they get worse. I do notice that this pinhead size nasty is not static though. It's 3 or 4 smaller sensations winking in and out continuously. Then I focus more and realise it's actually 10's, then perhaps 50/100 sensations all arising and disappearing continuously - all the time I'm doing this though, the nasties are spreading and getting more yucky around my nose and mouth. Sometimes inside my ears too!
* I just don't know what to make of that at all?
* My current practice is to do anapana until I hit a plateau of A&P stuff then either focus on the periphery of full body awareness / pleasant sensations and then every now and again return to anapana - rather like fanning a small flame: breath till it gets going, observe it, breathe a bit more, observe etc --OR (and since your encouraging responses this is mostly what I do) I get to A&P stuff with my anapana then when I feel it's not getting me any further I switch to body scanning - I find this hard, and sometimes uncomfortable but if the feelings I have consistently off the cushion are any indication of progress, this is what I feel is causing that. And this is what will eventually cause the nasties to arrive.
* After A&P stuff (and sometimes right from the start and through it) my concentration seems to go to hell. I get a lot of discursive thought, but strangely it does not seem to impact my meditation particularly.
The feelings I have in everyday life are astonishing. I have almost forgotten what it feels like not to be vibrating. When I lie in bed at night just before sleep, it seems I may as well be on the cushion. It comes instantly and powerfully.
Phew... I hope i've not overloaded you with too much info there! That's about as detailed as I can be about where I'm currently at. I guess the big questions are these:
* Are the nasties just me concentrating too hard or some manifestation of the dark night?
* Im on retreat again in November. Any thoughts on strategy between here and then, and during?
Thoughts on any of this stuff as always hugely, hugely appreciated!
Thanks a lot