hi guys,
i can relate to how difficult it is to pin down where you are for certain, because phenomena just present themselves with different intensities for different people, and the whole looping back and experiencing earlier nanas makes diagnosis even harder. not only does falling back happen, but it happens to different degrees and durations. sometimes lower or higher concentration allows you to experience characteristics of a nana that you're not even in. going through the a&p with high concentration can make it really calm, fine, and subtle like Eq, and being in Eq with lower concentration can make it look like early a&p than other times. which means that the stages are likely to show up differently when you're on retreat (heightened concentration) than at home (low-normal concentration).
but aside from all that, what i'd like to share and emphasize is the part about map knowledge that i found most beneficial: knowing that you must be in one ñana or another really cuts down on the whole tendency to personalize whatever's arising in the experience, so that you don't get held back by self judgements and emotional reactions. without the ñana information, a meditator is more likely to think "wow i'm such a great spiritual being, such a skillful yogi" while in pleasant territory, and think "can't believe i have so much baggage; my practice is so hopeless; i'm just not good enough at this" while in the more difficult stages. with map knowledge, whatever happens you just think "alright, this might be one of those energetic/draining/nice/bad/awful/cool/unstable ñanas. stuff happens. better keep going." thanks to Daniel Ingram for publishing such detailed nana descriptions that made it possible for so many of us to drop that personal crap and make progress.
Kriss, i second Tommy's suspicion that it's possible you have path, not just judging from the phenomena but from how you write, from things you say and don't say, and what tone and weight you attach to the things you mention. to put it another way, so far i haven't spotted any tell-tale signs of the pre-path perspective from you. but as Tommy said--just a suspicion. fruitions could be very hard to detect, and I suspect it might vary for different people depending on their characteristics of attention and energy. if i remember right, fruitions only happen during review periods, so if you're the type that keeps progressing forward steadily without spending much time in review, then there won't be very many of them for you to recall (someone please correct me if i'm mistaken about this). only you can say if there is significantly less suffering in your daily existence or not--that would be a key indication of progress, not necessarily the types of fancy phenomena you get.
it took me two-three years after reading MCTB to confidently identify a life-changing point nine years prior to that as stream entry, and i only knew it when another path happened and i was able to see the path moment phenomena again and go "oh...this is what it's like--it's this subtle?!! these shifts have happened before!" i started being able to pinpoint fruitions for a few months, and then never with any regularity again, and never learned to control or trigger them. without the info, i probably would have not thought of them as anything more than little glitches in attention. never experienced any "after glow" either, ever.
this is very good news:
Kriss:
Personally, I think A&P is one of the most difficult stages to pinpoint nowadays since I can't spot any special qualities except small vibrations. Its as if they're just there if I tune into their frequency but I don't get any ecstasy from them anymore. Nothing extraordinary.
Kriss you mentioned that you want to be able to rest in Eq (you mean nana?) in daily life--I think it's a great goal to aim for maximum equanimity as an attitude/lifestyle/default mode no matter what nana your'e in, on or off cushion. if you've been in Eq nana and have clear enough memories of its qualities to integrate into all of experience, doing so will orient your practice in the direction of higher paths (where differences in stages and stage shifts get increasingly subtle, fused, superimposed, overlapping, all getting evened out), whether or not you have first path. first path or next path or next critical shift will come when your lowest base of equanimity (eq as a characteristic, not nana) is raised(*), so the test is how much equanimity of mind and attentiveness you're able to generate in the most unpleasant and pleasant moments alike. take your highest insights and integrate them into every moment possible of sitting and daily life. so instead of figuring out which nanas are happening, why not blur them all together so that you become totally clueless about where you're at! (half joking about the clueless bit. lol)
jill
(*) you've probably read that a characteristic of a path winner's experience is never falling back into earlier nanas of the previous path. raising your lowest bar--deconditioning your least equanimous, most reactive and inattentive moments of experience clears out the causes and conditions for falling back to happen, and it's very useful to not have to swing back (too much) even before the line is crossed. this applies to any critical point of vipassana progress, not just path attainment.