Steph S:
Very sound insights, Jacob. Keep putting what you stated to work.
What happens when stuff is equalized?
There is a dropping away of the whole center/circumference schema which ordinarily organizes experience, a dropping of separateness (because this schema seems to filter experience only when anchored in some physical tension, unequal bumps in the sensate field). This separateness can take the form of momentary instinctual passions, a personal narrative selfing, a transpersonal awareness separate from phenomena, or combinations of the above. Dropping it leads back to the wholeness of what is. I guess there are lots of names for it. I usually call it the natural state. Here it is often referred to as "the actual".
One thing that's interesting is that the basis of all these identifications is actually there in actuality.
The physical parameters of health of the organism, the memories and foresight of a human mind, the timeless qualities of stillness and openness underlying the transpersonal identities. What's interesting about dropping those identities is that what's always already happening prior to the activity of identification is like a smooth experiential continuum of all these phenomenal and phenomenological qualities of body, mind and the nature of mind (actual arupa qualities).
Also interesting to note in my experience, it seems that over time as a consequence of repeatedly glimpsing this natural state of completeness, and of gradually re-orienting feeling "me"
away from basing itself off of transient circumstances inner and outer and
towards these always present qualities of living, breathing, waking humanness, my default identification style becomes more fluid and inclusive with fewer conflicts between say, instincts and socialization, timeless formless qualities and the contingencies of being a body dependent on air, food and warmth, and so on. So the flow of identifications seems to be becoming more holistic at the same time as more open to dissolving into actuality. I think this latter point is related to "felicity", turning the feeling-me from basing itself off of circumstances towards basing itself off appreciation of the basic actualities of experience.
ETA: I also see this latter gradual transformation of the identification process as related to the notion of befriending oneself, the process of forming an integral holistic "me" which is at peace with itself, and thus which is a basis for dedicated practice of one kind or another. That's my proximate "goal" right now, just to further this process of me-integration and transition from reactive feelings to felicity. I seem drawn to optimizing that right now as a life style and don't seem worried about cultivating PCE or anything further. One step at a time; I trust that by doing the next logical thing in the process, the following step(s) will be equally clear at the proper time. I seem to have let go of much ambition and am just interested in the next obvious thing, the next practical step right in front of me.