Thanks for going into detail and being so honest about your experience, there's nothing wrong with being unfamiliar with all the terminology so I apologize if that led to any confusion. I started out knowing nothing about the terminology either and even now I know very little, but the practice itself makes all that stuff clear anyway so just sticking to that will get you further than twenty books on the subject.
I had posted about a year ago in a number of places when I was trying to find out what had happened to me when I had a very strong oneness experience where I felt extremely expansive and experienced the true peace and connectedness. I think it was a form of satori. it was a very powerful and confusing thing for me at the time but I havent really given it much thought since doing the vipassana course as I realised that I was making a misake, getting to drawn into the egoic spiritual feel good of having had this as an experience.
Right, gotcha. Good insight and it's great that you've realized not to cling to this sort of thing, what you've described sound very much like what you'll see referred to as A&P, the Arising & Passing, 4th ñana, 2nd vipassana jhana or whatever. The terms are used in a useful map of this territory call the Progress of Insight, it's worth checking out as it quite accurately pinpoints a lot of this stuff but it can easily become something to cling to in itself.
One of the most useful things on the progress of insight is how it maps the territory
after the A&P as it demonstrates how these negative feelings and tensions are just another part of the process, they're common to most meditators. If you haven't read Daniel Ingram's MCTB, he does a whole section on this territory, which is usually known as Dark Night, but there is one part of that chapter where he talks about handling the difficulties of Dark Night skillfully and he describes a
resolution which is beautifully written and heartfelt. I found it very useful and it's worth a read, as is the whole book.
The 10 vipassana retreat changed everything for me. I managed to forgive someone who had abused me and this was very liberating, though possibly as I realise now, just another layer, albiet a big one, of the onion, in dealing with some of that suffering.
If you are able to let go of something like this then you're well on your way to letting go of everything else required to get enlightened. Well done for this, it's wonderful to hear you got such enormous, measurable and practical benefit from meditation.
Well, freedom from suffering and freedom from inflicting suffering, awareness and working towards a pure heart and mind are my main motivations. I also listened to a buddisht geeks podcast a while back about a guy who had been in a monestry in burma who had stated to see the actual fabric of reality. That interests me but is almost too far from where I am at to be much more than a distraction to give too much thought to at the moment.
Good! We're reading from the same page.
The thing about seeing the actual fabric of reality is just a fancy way of saying that one learns to see that reality is just a stream of impermanent sensations, if you've crossed the A&P then you've had a glimpse already so don't let these sort of linguistic descriptions trip you up, it's really simple when it comes down to it. Even if that's not exactly what the guy who was talking was pointing to, if you practice well then these things reveal themselves naturally.
I was also a very heavy drinker and smoker in my past, and I have now given up both of those with quite a battle for 2 years so really I also have embarked on a spiritual journey to help me with my new self without intoxicants, so that is also a big motivator.
No reason to feel any guilt or anxiety about what's gone before, just do what's right for you and what allows you to be happier and more content with life. Congratulations on your sobriety, sounds like you've had a rough time of it in the past but it's great to know that you're moving forward. Even this period of feeling low or shitty is evidence of progress so don't be disheartened, keep on doing what you're doing and this will pass away just like everything else has, but this time you're moving towards freedom from suffering.
i dont know how much I really know about jhannas and suttras - ive heard them mentioned but I dont have a clear grasp of these things at present, do you think it is important to me at this stage?
Jhanas are worth learning, definitely. There's a guy on here called End In Sight who's doing a lot of work on the jhanas and the original techniques the Buddha describes, I highly recommend checking out some of his threads on here. I'm a bit pushed for time at the moment so I can't post any direct links although I'll try to add some tomorrow. There's also an excellent pragmatic dharma blog called The Hamilton Project which has shitloads of resources, techniques, podcasts and all manner of top-drawer dharma by a couple of the guys from on here and KFD. Google it, read it, practice.

I have been really expeirencing alot of strange like growning type pains, energy kind of shooting around my body over the last 6 months too. but I have been very free feeling and up until this current apathy (mixed with a tinge of sadness) has kicked in over the last week or so I have been feeling pretty good on this journey so far. I have had some pretty strong outbursts of anger, but they have been dealt with and I just about still have my job!!
Yeah, you're in Dark Night.
Definitely, definitely, definitely read that link to Dan's book, that may just help you get things in perspective and maintain your normal life during this time. In the meantime, just pay attention to the breath as is rises and falls, enjoy the pleasurable sensations and feelings this can bring and allow them to permeate your entire body while always remaining mindful of the breath. If you get distracted it doesn't matter, just GENTLY bringing the attention back to the breath over and over again.
Hope that's of some use to you in the meantime, my apologies for a shorter reply than I'd liked to have left but I need to get up for work in three hours time! Ha!
Take pleasure in simple things, just the senses sensing...