I hope this question is appropriate for discussion here, if not if you are willing to PM me about this please do.
I am aware some of this has already been discussed in a previous thread of a similar title:-
Dark Night vs. Depressionbut that thread moved into a broader discussion so I have instead decided to ask this in a new thread here and hope this is ok.
Put simply my question is this.
In the last year I experienced quite serious depression I have had treatment, including counselling and medication both of which are now finished and I am now recovering well. There is still some "personal stuff" I need to work through; although I am not fully recovered but I am certainly doing ok.
I would like to establish a more formal meditation practice with an aim of being able to be more aware of sensations and thoughts as just passing impermanently thus being less caught in them and having more energy / time to live life to the full, to develop greater compassion for myself and others and live in ways that do not harm myself or others, and generally to eventually live in the now (rather than spending time focused on past or future).
However, I am concerned that it may be inappropriate for me to pursue this further at the moment in that I may not have a clear enough resolve about why I want to do this, so I may with time blunder into Dark Night territory and this might bring back the depression with a vengeance.
So should I be wary at this stage and not start practice until I am very clear on why I want to do this / my depression recovery is closer to complete.
Or should I go for it on the basis that the overall benefits will be great, and that if I do hit Dark Night territory having now read 'Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha' (which I have done) and also checking out other resources on this site (still to do) I am now prepared for what might follow and the adventure is one worth pursuing.
If I should go for it - Daniel Ingram's book mentions all sorts of practices, and I have experience of some, are any particularly recommended to start out with?
Here's some general background in case you need it to advise further - otherwise please ignore. I am a novice and as yet I think fairly unskilled meditator. I have been trying various practices mainly concentration on the breath, some body scan work, some metta practice and some noting of thoughts and sensations (this has been fairly informal but is something I try to do at odd moments during the day - e.g while having a shower, while washing up, while walking to the train etc)
I have been doing this for around 4 years and have never established a regular formal daily practice where I have sat for 20 minutes plus a day every day. (I did manage to have a regular practice for about 8 weeks at one stage using guided tapes) but never managed this on my own form more than about a week.
I have also attended a local meditation centre and meditated with others at one stage doing this regularly once a week for about 15 weeks.
I'm not sure I have yet got close to the Dark Night unless I have somehow blundered into it. My depression symptoms and stages, of the most recent serious depression, do chime very closely with the description of the Dark Night up to re-observation (getting all the stages at once in a very annoying way), and did occur having been on a day retreat and having started to meditate more regularly BUT I think this may be coincidence. I suspect I just had depression, it's just that the Dark Night stages had some strong parallels with my experience of depression - which is interesting, but would mean I have still to reach the Dark Night.
In particular I am not aware of having experiences suggesting crossing the Arising and Passing Away. I think I am too novice a meditator to have reached this stage through meditation / concentration practice, so I would have had to have blundered into the Dark Night through some other method (which might have happened I can't be sure - but presumably I would have had to blunder into the Arising and Passing Away first and wouldn't I have noticed this as being quite different to standard personal angst?). (For various reasons in recent years I have done lots of reflection (thinking about) suffering, impermanence and the nature of 'self' (not no-self - I don't think I understand this concept properly) in an informal and sometimes rather unskillfull way - but I'm not sure if you could classify any of this as any kind of insight practice in any way.)