| | The last 3 weeks
25th April
My new system that I'll be trailing for the next month; 1) Smile all the time, deliberately. just a wry grin, nothing too goofy.. 2) Free form Attention to now in all it's... 'whatever it isness'... 3) Sit, breath, relax every morning. No fancy stuff, just calmly attentive and following rule 1,2. I'll keep a log in the comments.
26 April 2012 01:38 5:30am -calm abiding on the sofa.
all day wry smile. nothing over done,barely noticable really. Took some effort at times, can get a little tiring, but nothing a few seconds of adjustment doesn't fix.
Feeling good, no real boredom, it has kept me quite relaxed and given me something to concentrate on all day.
Now time to go home, let see if I can keep it up under heavy fire...
26 April 2012 18:10 Day 2 morning sit. 6:00am 2 x 20 mins calm abiding. Sense of mental self having no felt equivalent, like it is in one section of the left part of mental space not effecting the feelings in the chest/body. Just one big 'self' without the division. Not as spectacular as that sounds. got very still at one point.
Dealing with kids much easier, no depth of anger behind telling them off!
Still smiling. Gentle peace growing very subtly in the background, the cost of smiling (slight ache and effort) seems worth it so far.
26 April 2012 21:12 Lunch time walk. Smiling, background peacefulness. Very encouraging.
Had a moment where I felt I grew taller and perception openned up. Very nice. Lasted around 15 secs at a guess,
smells and sights and sounds all being perceived without any (much) focused effort, all effort is directed towards maintaining the grin.
Liking this.
there is a feeling that comes and goes to stop smiling, it starts in the eyes and i feel them not smiling, but it's not torture to keep smiling. A few times I've stopped for a brief stretch of the face.
28 April 2012 03:15 Day 3
Challenging day. Morning sit hijacked by pervious late night, couldn't stay awake. Smiling still, though last night witnessed the failure under fire of this method. Highlighted the need to look closely at how I'm dealing with my kids.
The contrast between feeling ok and having a background peace/ broad awareness, to yelling at the kids makes the fall att the more painful and obvious. I've decide to use humor as a defence here. Just to find some smart comment or joke to get throught the conditioning.
Still smiling, though forgetting more often today. The remembrance of that moment at lunch on friday motivates me to find a solution to whatever interrupts the flow of happiness being generated through smiling. reminded myself tonight it is not about me experiencing peace, but removing the causes of there not being peace all the time.
28 April 2012 03:18 Also it occurrred to me to try and smile with my eyes and mind more often as that is where 'fake smiles' don't reach. And is also the direction from which the inclination to stop smiling comes, down the face. So smiling with the eyes and mind is the next step in this practice.
29 April 2012 02:16 Day four. Kids soccer, not too hard to smile, but this practice is highlighting how much I need to make changes in my household to even hope of getting it working there. Though I am noticing that it has kicked in my lateral thinking a bit and new ideas are happening.
Day 5. tough night. Couldn't sleep, not good. I keep forgetting to smile and it is testing my faith in this test, though still it's not hard to do, but isn't changing my mood in the house. Not strong enough.
Still things are getting sorted out in how I'm relating to the kids and has sharpened my resolve to spend time sorting things out.
29 April 2012 07:15 Forgetting to smile all the time. It is an eye opener who something so simple can slip. Not to worry, 25 days to go, and I go back to work tomorrow. Ironically, it is easier to do this practice there. Looking forward to another lunch time session.
tonight I've been endeavoring to remember those moments of fleeting pre-symbolic awareness in the hope of mixing that memor in with all the other mind states, associating them with now again and again. (sati anyone?)
Smiling again.
29 April 2012 18:18 At work, and smiling. My pop up HAIETMOBA program helps remind me.
buddha had it right when he characterised mindfulness as 'remembering'. Dude might be onto something...
30 April 2012 01:42 Fair amount of smiling and 'mixing' the memory of those heightened moments with ordinary things during the day, inclining simply to the memory, no effort to reproduce the state, just effort to remember to remember and relate it to what is happening.
smile has kept boredom at bay.
30 April 2012 18:33 Day 6 another late night working (11:30pm) and headache resulted in no morning sit. Noticed smiling automatically this morning. Ramping up my faith that 'all of this practice stuff' will result in permanent shifts in the experiencing of this reality. others are doings it, and so will i. Noticed the tendancy to be rushing all the time, and deliberately slowed it down. (things like drying myself after a shower, or walking in the house)
smiling now.
1 May 2012 01:21 End of day. Smile stabilised as default. Noticed the tendancy to match other people facial expresions, and how a smile will change the course of the conversation.
1 May 2012 21:26 Smiling becoming automatic still. Noticing little muscles under the nose coming into play and how focusing on how they pinch together over the top lip increases the 'feel' of the smile. It also seems to lift the smile from the mouth to the eyes more.
This has been opening the thinking to regard the body as the more ancient link that reveals so many little secrets that don't occur to the mind.
Mood is stabilised, internal reactions are seen earlier as they interfere with the smile first/ (simultaneously probably) allowing observation of the whole disturbance and flutter feelings of the chest/abodomen.
Last night engaged in some 'who am I?' questioning that ended up in a few smiles. I can't get it going beyond alot of back and forth internal banter, but some interesting things come out of it in how there is no sensible answer to the question. there just is no whay to answer 'who, what, where' without contradicting myself and previous answers. haha
I am a smile? -No there is a smile, it requires no I to be,so, Who am I?
2 May 2012 22:37 Speculative your Honour, I move to strike!!!! hahahaha (in jim carey's voice)
been struggling for the last hour to smile, really gettng achey, but it is probalby the long lunch time walk than any real fatigue. Just 'myself' laugh by replying to some grandiose statement made a moment ago...
Plenty of insight flowing, lots of dhamma, infact there seems to be far more dhamma flowing in this last week than ever before... objection your honour! the council is engaging in hyperbole you honour, i move for a mis-trial!!! hahaha
2 May 2012 22:40 Just made 'myself' laugh I should say...on the subject of making 'myself' laugh- at lunch I was wondering why I talk to others in my head about dhamma subjects, why not cut to the chase and talk to 'myself'? previously such conversations where with 'god', but this one was a cracker. 'we' all agreed to try and keep quiet. It was a riot! haha
2 May 2012 22:41 I think it is Day 7 by the way, hold on let me count back.., yep 7.
happy days.
3 May 2012 21:19 Last night really aching, had a bit of a rest. woke up today, day eight, feeling less sluggish, even though didn't get to bed early. Been maintaining a 'smiling mind' and there is a pleasant feeling tone to the day, though aversion to work is still there.
There is more catching mind movements and moods, greater quiet to the mind.
6 May 2012 19:00 Day 8, 9, 10
Smiling dropping off, but appreciation for this moment rising. Still smiling with duration when something reminds me to smile, and finding opportunity to smile as default. The memory of happy moment, breeds more.
reverencing this moment, it is somewhat scary, but as my christian upbringing told me, the fear of god is the beginning of wisdom,(I might add, not the end)
This is a scary world, we come out kicking and screaming, small, cold and struggling. 'Mental maturiity' certainly feels like it is coming on with me.
6 May 2012 19:52 Actually, that was day 9, 10. For the history books...
Andrew Jones7 May 2012 23:07 day 11 at work.
noting everything that keeps me from smiling (especially in my mind), even 'dhamma thoughts' that are like mini-sermons and cool insights etc. Back to now, back to attention, the sensory field, and energetic happiness. effective.
8 May 2012 20:45 day 12. not good. feeling angry and alone. smiling non-existant, seems like I never started.
9 May 2012 20:39 storm passed. smiling occasionally, noting in and out breaths, internal 'let it go' monologue.
vaguely ok.
9 May 2012 20:43 sitting has not happened last week either. Score late nights semi-working: 10, sitting: 0. Still, could be worse; I could be worried about it.
10 May 2012 00:50 from DhO http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/3127074
katy steger:
"My "job" is still to keep the feral mind placed back at the senses, empty of owner/center (and its various story spin-offs); this is equanimous, receptive, specific attention...not unlike the equanimous, theistic reverence of god-in-all-things without trying to name or place them. It is acute listening/observation/sensing, because everything is "worthy" of this.
From this mindfulness has come concentrated states and their related."
Me: This is an important statement, and very useful. I've used this reverence before, and was reminded last week about it, very powerful way to use christian conditioning to fuel mindfulness.
thanks Katy for another great explanation of 'the way' in this thread.
Smiling again.
10 May 2012 19:04 occasionally smiling. running out of steam, but encouraged in some other ways. having a lot more moments of 'confronting' mindfulness. laying in bed last night, looking at the the room like a child might. that sort of confronting.
10 May 2012 23:54 still drifting, smiling, using peripheral vision to calm the mind. this brings a smile back.
13 May 2012 18:39 well, I think it's over. There isn't enough smiling going on to say that I'm still running this experiment.
Perhaps quitting will let me continue smiling in peace...hahaha
15 May 2012 22:21 started smiling again but for real. Decide to 'commit to' shizen young's systems for a while to see if that will shift me in the right direction. I've been drifting for a long while (many years really) and the fruit is well, not that tasty yet.
15 May 2012 22:23 this practice of shizen's is quite complimentary to this blog post. It fills in the missing supports for a 'smiling mind'.
http://www.shinzen.org/Retreat%20Reading/Focus%20on%20Positive-Summary.pdf |