| | Hi. Im Pablo, and first of all I want to apologize for my english, which is quite rubbish. Im sorry.
Ok. I want to share with you my early experience with introspective practices and let you give me some feedback in order to understand if Im doing it right, if I am in a clearly stage that you can tell me, etc..
Well, I started to meditate more or less 3 months ago. The first thing I did was start with the breathing, trying to stare on it the most time possible. Instead of brething normally, I was doing it with the mouth almost closed, only because the air was coming slower and colder (easyer to notice the sensations that it produced in the mouth, lips, etc...). I hope I didnt start doing it wrong.
While I was reading 'Mastering the Core...' I started to try to notice how the atention was changing from one thing to another, accepting that was impossible to stare completly at one sensation. So I was feeling the air in the lips, in the mouth, in the throat..., trying to be quicker with the time.
I invented one exercice in which I started to percuss one surface with two fingers at 6 hits per second, using a metronome, trying to perceive each hit in each finger. At the beginning was very hard, but with the time I found it was very good exercice, related to Impermanence. Even when I placed atention on the breathing, I found easier to notice the changing atention after this new exercice.
More and more I was able to accept the upcoming thoughts not related to the breathing, realizing faster that they were there, and breaking the identification with them (which allowed me to go back to the object faster).
Paralell to that I was doing another exercice that I invented too (but is similar to creative visualitation), which I started to practice even before meditation. This exercice consisted on visualize myself on invented situations. In that situations I had no fear, I had more self confidence. With the time I was able to imagine more and more details, and I could live more real this inventions. Even while imagining myself in a situation I could feel it. For example: In a situation laughing a lot with friends, I started to laugh for real alone in my room.
At the beginnig, for make it easier I created kind of twin of myself. With my same body, face, etc... but different name. This twin was very very self confident, without social fears, with a lot of wisp and daily wisdom. So it was easier to imagine him in different situations. With the time it was easier to imagine myself instead of him. But even when I imagined him it worked.
After doing this exercice for 20 or 40 mins, it was amazing how my self confidence was improved for real. If I did that before a social meeting, I was the king of the party there, completly surprising myself and the others. Like I unlocked something inside me. It worked for all kind of situations: family, friends, collegues in the university, unknown people, etc... Im not exagerating, it was completly amazing. The thing is that was not forever, only for 'one use'. Im not sure if it helps in a long term too. But since I started to understand some things through meditation I started to relate them with this practice.
Reading about the self, and the no self I started to figure that this imaginative exercice was a kind of introspection, leting some identification processes happen in my mind. Because when I create a situation, is like a lot of identifications (good and bads come to my mind, so I select the good ones and I develop them in my mind).
I understand that the goal of meditation is not to select the good identifications, otherwise let all flow and dont take them as own. And since I understand that, my imaginative situations are better. I reject one identification and then the opposite one (that comes automatically) and I feel myself free to be whatever I want.
In real situations, I can see very clearly how my identification process happens, and how my self steem and my suffering depends on it completly. My way of acting, everything depends on it. Its very hard to break this process even when I see it very clear.
I have a lot more things to say, but I prefer not to do a very big post. So depending on your answers i'll continue with one or another thing.
Thanks : ) |