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Claims to Attainments

The extinction of the "sense of being"

I am happy to report that my ontological, existential sense of 'being' was extinguished at the very core on August 7th 2012.

'Me' at the very core was extinguished.

Phenomenal report


I consider this to be the equivalent of "actual freedom", but there are only a few things that Richard reports that I can relate to, namely:

  • the idea that there is no suffering in the actual world (I only meet flesh and blood bodies)
  • the idea that I have been here all along, having a ball (check)
  • no being, or 'sense of being/existence' whatsoever
  • durationless moment


Other than that,I don't have an experience of the infinitude of the universe.

Other than that, the passions don't drive me, I don't drive the passions, there is no me, no passions etc.

It's odd because, I cannot locate any feelings, yet there is a giddy sense of thrill that accompanies me.

There is no, for example, existential angst, that had accompanied for more than three years, which was the equivalent of the 'sense of being'.

Affectless affect, I think Justine wrote that, I can relate to that.

Anyways I'm pretty sure this is irrevocable, as there is no 'me' whatsoever within this flesh and blood body.

Overall experience:


Still pretty much the same guy, um, just that the puny little 'I' was in the way all the time, ruining the experience for 'him'.

Highly recommended.

10/10

How it happened:


I had been practicing the attentiveness to my (both) psychic and psychological experience for the past few days, pretty consistently.

However I must stress, that this practice (garnered from Richards: "Attentiveness, Sensuousness and Apperceptiveness" article) did nothing for the final leap into oblivion.

I was lying in bed, fully dissatisfied with myself for having procrastinated for so 'long', always avoiding 'now', and this 'moment', when I spontaneously and avolitionally started heading toward extinction.

I had done this in the past and, the whole process is scary and thrilling, but for me I usually chicken out before it actually gets anywhere.

Anywho, I kept doing it, and then I reached the point where the passion of aggression (in all its primality) urged me to perform acts of unspeakable aggression.

All the while I was being attentive to the experience, then the intellect, and this body, made a smart decision to once and for all cut the passions down to size, as they were no longer of use, 'I' was deleted forever.

Ever since then the intellect and this body have been operating of their own accord without that bully that was 'me' to have 'myself' do things that were totally unsensible.

In the end


Cheers.

Other stuff:


As for other things like: "Does God exist?", "Is there life after death?" and all these questions, the extinction of this identity grants me no insight into such matters.

I am unable to ontologically or empirically establish, or otherwise prove, the existence of God, or the non-existence of God, or the existence of life after death, or the non-existence of life after death.

And everyone should recognize the nature of this logic (I believe this type of position is called "permanent agnosticism").

I'll leave you with a quote:

Often people who do not read what I have to say with both eyes gain the impression that I am suggesting that people are to stop feeling ... which I am not. My whole point is to cease ‘being’ – psychologically and psychically self-immolate – which means that the entire psyche itself is extirpated. That is, the biological instinctual package handed out by blind nature is deleted like a computer software programme (but with no ‘Recycle Bin’ to retrieve it from) so that the affective faculty is no more. Then – and only then – are there no feelings ... as in a pure consciousness experience (PCE) where, with the self in abeyance, the feelings play no part at all. However, in a PCE the feelings – passion and calenture – can come rushing in, if one is not alert, resulting in the PCE devolving into an altered state of consciousness (ASC) ... complete with a super-self. Indeed, this demonstrates that it is impossible for there to be no feelings whilst there is a self – in this case a Self – thus it is the ‘being’ that has to go first ... not the feelings.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/9/12 9:18 PM as a reply to James Yen.
Other insights


Can only happen 'now', don't procrastinate.

An out-from-control way of being is characterized by a "movement" and "dynamism", whereas an actual freedom is characterized by a "finality".

The dynamism in a virtual freedom, comes from rapidly and exponentially heading towards one's end or extinction.

'Methods' don't work, do not hope for the impossible, but 'do', what is necessary, 'do' your duty.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/9/12 9:45 PM as a reply to James Yen.
Actually there's a checklist for some of the main (but as Richard points, by no means exhaustive) characteristics of an actual freedom (what a political term), anyways, they are:

1. No identity whatsoever. (check)
2. No affective faculty at all (including its epiphenomenal psychic facility). (check)
3. Utterly impervious to, and freely functioning without, both affective ‘vibes’ and psychic ‘currents’. (check)
4. No separation (an actual intimacy) whatsoever betwixt this body and every body and every thing and every event. (nope)
5. Eternal time (no movement of time whatsoever) as expressed in, for instance, ‘this moment has no duration’. ) (check)
6. Infinite space (the direct experiencing of limitlessness). (nope)
7. An apperceptive awareness (whereby all thought emerges from the full field of consciousness) of being alive/being here. (check)
8. As a flesh and blood body only (sans the entire affective faculty/identity in toto) one is this infinite and eternal and perdurable universe experiencing itself as an apperceptive human being ... as such it is stunningly aware of its own infinitude. (nope)

Edit:

What Richard means by harm


Essentially he means the psychic and affective vibes that one sends out. Just by virtue of 'you' being here, 'you' are harmful, 'you' are not valid.

Dependency on one's parents, this is harm, insincerity, this is harm, being lazy, not doing all you can do to make this world a better place, this is harm.

What Richard means by sorrow


The feeling that arises when a feeling being realizes that he is nothing more than a contingent being, and that he doesn't deserve to be here, and the fact that he is here, is evidence that his task is not yet completed.

Often an existential angst, occasionally accompanied by remorse or guilt.

Edit 2:

Avoiding now


It's sort of like, in Calculus, an exponential curve whose limit is infinity, it gets closer and closer to 'now' but it never reaches it.

The idea is that, before 'you' know it, it's over. 'Now' is always too early for the feeling-being, "let's put it off until later", but when 'he' does it later, it will be 'now' anyways.

So the avoidance does nothing.

Procrastination is useless.

But then again, there is nothing 'I' can do, to urge 'you' to do it.

'You', have to choose to do, and do it with sincerity and pure intent.

That's pretty much the gist of the method.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/9/12 10:30 PM as a reply to James Yen.
Hi James

First of all congrats ! Your post is not only inspiring but it also throws light onto the infinite aspect , which I have had always doubted. Here are some questions , if you don't mind :-

- Do you experience a vastness and a stillness ? Maybe you are not calling this vastness as infinity ?

- How long did you practise and what worked for you the most during your practise ?

- You say that "Dependency on one's parents is harm". Can you elaborate a bit more on this ?

- Do you recommend a certain degree of isolation and silence for progress to kick in ?

Thanks
Shashank

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/9/12 11:10 PM as a reply to Shashank Dixit.
James, most enlightened people I've read about say they still have a 'shell' of an ego, but it's not something that directs their feelings or behaviours.
But if there's no self at all, how would you know which mouth to put food in... this one here or that one over there? (serious question btw.)

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/9/12 11:26 PM as a reply to Shashank Dixit.
Do you experience a vastness and a stillness ? Maybe you are not calling this vastness as infinity ?


Nope, no vast stillness here. I mean I would like to experience such a thing, it would be cool. But it sounds like a drug trip, and is thus, affective, and is thus, escapism...

But who knows.

How long did you practise and what worked for you the most during your practise ?


I started HAIETMOBA not long ago (a matter of days ago). But that is not what caused my extinction. My extinction was caused by the inflammation of the altruistic impulse, and the sense of urgency that I should not delay the inevitable any longer whatsoever.

Basically I made no "progress", (progress is an illusion BTW, as it avoids the 'now', and projects... in essence it gives one the idea that one can accomplish the task whilst still remaining extant or existent (as a being)) using HAIETMOBA.

It's either staying existent (as a being), or dying.

Either or.

And it's impossible to choose remaining 'alive', death is inevitable.

You say that "Dependency on one's parents is harm". Can you elaborate a bit more on this ?


Yes, any psychological and psychic dependency to loved ones (people that are close), is harm. The whole mish-mash of feelings, traumas and insincerity (lack of pure intent) is born of this parasitic entity that essentially has no "right" to be here.

Do you recommend a certain degree of isolation and silence for progress to kick in ?


Ehhhh, essentially I invoked the altruistic impulse for self-extinction and took that to its end. Whatever it may dictate you to do, you do well to do.

I was alone at the time though, but that wasn't really a factor in becoming free.

BTW you would have laughed at me though, I was essentially "punching the air".

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/9/12 11:29 PM as a reply to C C C.
C C C:
James, most enlightened people I've read about say they still have a 'shell' of an ego, but it's not something that directs their feelings or behaviours.
But if there's no self at all, how would you know which mouth to put food in... this one here or that one over there? (serious question btw.)


That's actually a non-issue, as it's born out of a self/no-self dichotomy.

For ex:

The logic goes:

1) There is no self.

2) Here.

3) Thus, how wold I know which "self" to put the food in.

You see what I'm saying?

But to answer your question, I mostly likely know through the body's intuition, past experience, and force of habit.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 12:16 AM as a reply to James Yen.
BTW you would have laughed at me though, I was essentially "punching the air".


lol but I am not sure because this sounds familiar..when such a thing happens with me, I usually experience that the eyes start
opening more and more and hardly blink(they start liking to see everything)..and there is a strong build-up at the back of the skull (maybe thats what is the nape of the neck that Richard talks about) and the pain at the skull starts going unbearable and scary as I move closer and closer to some sort of a "leap to the other side" but I just chicken out in the end out of fear and I'm unable to make that leapemoticon..This has happened twice...I am taking all your advice onboard - they are really inspiring thanks !

Regards
Shashank

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 2:18 AM as a reply to James Yen.
Why is Richard's writing so repellant?


I have no idea, back when I was a feeling-being I often attributed this to vibes he emitted. It must be a matter of personal style.

Is Richard insane?


It's quite possible that Richard is insane, and that I am insane, and that we're all insane and striving for some erroneous goal flying on some lonely rock flying through space. Either way, I don't really care.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 3:12 AM as a reply to James Yen.
Why spirituality has nothing to do with AF


Spirituality, in all its multitudinous forms, has nothing to do, is not helpful, and is 180 degrees opposite from altruistically heading towards self-extinction.

Although spiritual practitioners, with there multi-varied practices achieve and experiences many interesting things. Most of these things are locked up in an avoidance of the goal, and not a rushing towards, the goal.

As such, insincerity (lack of pure intent), abounds in spirituality.

The endless "exploration" of the mind is mere child's play.

I will admit that spiritual practitioners do feel the existential angst, that causes one to move towards extinction. But they do not act on it.

Spirituality also just gets the job half-done, and is more about procrastination (writing poems about surfing), as opposed to actually surfing.

And there you have it.

Basically:

Do, do, do, every knows. There is no need to know any more. Simply do.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 8:12 AM as a reply to James Yen.
Awesome! And hearty cheers!

James Yen:
<snip>
I was lying in bed, fully dissatisfied with myself for having procrastinated for so 'long', always avoiding 'now', and this 'moment', when I spontaneously and avolitionally started heading toward extinction.

I had done this in the past and, the whole process is scary and thrilling, but for me I usually chicken out before it actually gets anywhere.

Anywho, I kept doing it, and then I reached the point where the passion of aggression (in all its primality) urged me to perform acts of unspeakable aggression.


For the sake of clarity and thoroughness, can you detail these "acts of unspeakable aggression"?

All the while I was being attentive to the experience, then the intellect, and this body, made a smart decision to once and for all cut the passions down to size, as they were no longer of use, 'I' was deleted forever.


how exactly did the intellect and body made that smart decision?

And, did Pure Intent play a part in you getting free?

("Pure intent is a manifest life-force; a genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe" "... it [Pure intent] is an essential prerequisite to ensure a guaranteed passage through the psychic maze – until the primacy of ‘me’ as a psychological or psychic entity withers away..")


How is your relationship with your spouse (partner...), friends, parents, colleagues now post this baseline shift?

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 9:59 AM as a reply to Rotten Tomato.
For the sake of clarity and thoroughness, can you detail these "acts of unspeakable aggression"?


I was driven to kill someone.

Other than that I wouldn't like to say much about it.

how exactly did the intellect and body made that smart decision?


Ah sorry, I was basically glossing over the experience and that is what I determined in hindsight.

Basically what happened was, I was about to go perform the act of aggression, when I realized how ridiculous (unsensible) it was to do it.

Now, feelings do not respond to reason, and usually, at least in the past, they had the ultimate say in what would happen. However in this case, whilst fully acknowledging my passions,'I' could literally choose, to act purely on reason alone.

And thus, whatever passional reason that I had to do whatever at the moment, was no longer valid.

And (I assume), when feelings are no longer seen as valid (for what they are), they were deleted, defunct.

And, did Pure Intent play a part in you getting free?


My intent, as a feeling-being, was never, ever pure. It was always insincere.

My attempts to evoke a 100% pure intent were what lead me to an actual freedom.

And by the time I had achieved that, 'I' was already dead.

How is your relationship with your spouse (partner...), friends, parents, colleagues now post this baseline shift?


Pretty much the same, however I have less idiosyncrasies, because I can literally choose what to do. Without being compelled by passion.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 11:16 AM as a reply to James Yen.
James Yen:

Basically what happened was, I was about to go perform the act of aggression, when I realized how ridiculous (unsensible) it was to do it.Now, feelings do not respond to reason, and usually, at least in the past, they had the ultimate say in what would happen. However in this case, whilst fully acknowledging my passions,'I' could literally choose, to act purely on reason alone.
And thus, whatever passional reason that I had to do whatever at the moment, was no longer valid.
And (I assume), when feelings are no longer seen as valid (for what they are), they were deleted, defunct.



Ah! interesting if it played out that way.

No residual feelings or a shadow being left? Zilch, nada?


James Yen:
My intent, as a feeling-being, was never, ever pure. It was always insincere.

My attempts to evoke a 100% pure intent were what lead me to an actual freedom. And by the time I had achieved that, 'I' was already dead.


What do you mean by intent and pure intent here?

Are you using it to mean the following?
: "Pure intent is a manifest life-force; a genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe" "... it [Pure intent] is an essential prerequisite to ensure a guaranteed passage through the psychic maze – until the primacy of ‘me’ as a psychological or psychic entity withers away.."?

Your usage suggests the more conventional usage of the word.

Pretty much the same, however I have less idiosyncrasies, because I can literally choose what to do. Without being compelled by passion.


Has it got better? You are a better company to be around with? The issues that used to get you before (irritation with something your partner said or their trait) is gone? Do they feel that you are nicer person to hang around with? Hope you get my drift

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 12:05 PM as a reply to Rotten Tomato.
No residual feelings or a shadow being left? Zilch, nada?


There are no feelings here, no is there any being. Although there are physical remnants of habitual patterns from back when I was an identity. That is probably because my attainment occurred rapidly.

I am driven no longer.

Your usage suggests the more conventional usage of the word.


I am not familiar with Richard's usage of the word. And I cannot relate to there bring an "actual steam of benevolence". My definition of pure intent was always the intent for extinction.

Has it got better? You are a better company to be around with? The issues that used to get you before (irritation with something your partner said or their trait) is gone? Do they feel that you are nicer person to hang around with? Hope you get my drift


I was always a fun person before and so my behaviour has not changed that much.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 12:56 PM as a reply to James Yen.
James Yen:
I was always a fun person before and so my behaviour has not changed that much.


So what changed in your understanding of "being a fun person"?

Specifically, what is your stance now on your previous claims to attainments, and subsequent gleeful revelation that those claims were just intended as a prank to fool the gullible? Still into that kind of "fun"?

Florian

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 2:39 PM as a reply to Florian Weps.
At the time they were actually not gleeful pranks meant to fool the gullible. I felt at the time that other people were being dishonest (either with themselves or others) and thus I jumped on the bandwagon.

However my claim of being a Buddhist sekha (my guess was a sakadagami) was not lacking in references, as I can provide several suttas to back up the claim (cakkhu sutta, kitagiri, satta sanna, sekha sutta)

Yet despite being endorsed by the suttasi was uneasy. The only problem was that I didn't believe I genuinely was one, and thus I retraced the claim.

BTW did you really achieve the original goal of the Pali Canon. I would be pleased to hear it.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 8:24 PM as a reply to James Yen.
Unhappy to report that there appear to be experiences of a "shadow being".

Despite the fact that I feel fine, there seem to wisps of emotion, yet without an identity.

Feelings without a feeler so to speak, my existential angst is still gone, and yet, there are still remnants of something.

[Note: I find this feelings without a feeler thing, to not make sense, as I am supposed to be my feelings, and my feelings are supposed to be me.]

Oh well.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 8:59 PM as a reply to James Yen.
Still trolling away, eh? Awesome.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 9:25 PM as a reply to carrot top.
carrot top:
Still trolling away, eh? Awesome.


When I troll here, which I do, your reactions, immediately say so much about you.

For example:

"I'm free from malice and sorrow, but I hate James."

"I'm going to compassionately pick on James."

"I'm spiritual, but I like to harass other people."

All the while I find it hilarious that such people, who give themselves no breathing space, will realize that they have these "hypocritical" thoughts, and will try to smash them out.

Whilst I know, that such an effort is useless.

BTW, because of your name, I cannot take you seriously.

RE: The extinction of the "sense of being"
Answer
8/10/12 9:27 PM as a reply to carrot top.
Oh, also very important.

I can comment that I believe most, if not, 100%, of the people here, are deluded or lying.

I prefer that they are lying though.

It most be so painful to have convinced, so many, devout people, that you are truly enlightened, when you know that you are not.