| | The self comes into being when fear causes consciousness (awareness) to contract down around certain aspects and attachments of the body. In this process, the self becomes solidified and so appears real. The self/ego is addicted to fear, because fear keeps it alive, even though it's uncomfortable to do so. The fear underlying all other fears is: "I am somehow not good/worthy enough. I am not enough. I don't have enough {x}". Not good enough??....Not good enough to have that connection with other people or with Everything/God/Truth. In Christian circles, they talk about "the Fall of Man" and "original sin"* and it's a very useful metaphor. I understand that God is not a separate entity, but it is a separate entity for you if you're not enlightened, so let's be real about that. All other fears relate to this fear, even death. The most timid people are the most ego-centric. The solution is to *be yourself* as deeply as possible, and be congruent with all aspects of your self - your appearance, achievements, lifestyle, intelligence, socio-economic status, emotions and personality. Hide nothing, be ashamed of nothing, because if you're not being congruent, you're not being real. And if you're not being real, you're trying to be something other than what you are right now. And if you're trying to be other than what you are right now, then you're judging against your self. And judging against yourself is the basic fear that keeps ego intact. A strongly contracted ego is heavy and very painful. ANY time you're trying, you're being fake. Trying to be compassionate, kind, moral...trying to be a friend, trying to make a fortune, trying to be attractive to the opposite sex..... it's all the same. A self talk solution: "This is how I am. This is what I am. This is all I am" As you say "this", bring attention to your whole self, but in particular, those aspects of your self that you perceive as being most unacceptable. If your sticking point is a wart on your nose, allow the wart to be absolutely enormous. Encourage it to be as big as possible, especially when you're around others. Put a nose ring in it to highlight it. Treat all deficiencies and shortcomings the same way. Now using the same process as above, allow the world to be exactly as it is. The state of the world is a hell of a mess, so allow it to be a mess. Poverty, war, starvation, pollution, corruption, torture, disease, politicians, bankers, celebrities, academics, natural disasters, bad weather... whatever it is that creates discontent, instead allow it. Even better, encourage it. So if there's a tornado heading your way, encourage it to be as violent and destructive as it wants to be. Let it rip your house down and wipe out the population if that's its natural course. The worst thing you can do is pray to a mind-projected God to make the hurricane do something other than what it does naturally. Second worst thing is to try to take over this imaginary role yourself. Action is still possible - by all means board the house up and shelter in the basement - but there's an absence of mental urging of a particular outcome. It should be obvious that absorption or insight meditative practices are potentially very harmful to mental health if practised before deep self-acceptance is achieved, because: 1) They require and encourage prolonged narrow focus of attention away from aspects of the self which desperately need the attention. Awareness is contracted, which creates excessive beta wave activity in the brain. This is anxiety provoking and unsettling, especially when prolonged. This is the reason why very few people naturally want to sit and meditate. It's extremely uncomfortable if a high level of self-acceptance has not been achieved first. It's uncomfortable because it solidifies ego rather than dissolve it. 2) They encourage a goal-seeking mindset. Seeking ANYTHING is ego-solidifying behaviour. Seeking bliss, enlightenment, freedom, truth - these are all tricky methods the ego uses to keep itself alive. Seeking to be a better, more loving, more compassionate person is egoic behaviour. The ego drives this process. So what's your motivation for meditating? Whatever you answer, it's wrong. Whatever you say is self-deception.
If these acceptance exercises are followed, the mind becomes peaceful, open and spacious on it's own. Now what ? Just ask these questions (or something similar), very, very gently. It's like a wondering, a possibility, an imagining... "I wonder, would your awareness be comfortable just gently watching itself?" "Can you effortlessly imagine an awareness of infinite space? Would that be a pleasant place to rest?" "Would relinquishing all knowledge of everything be a restful place to be?" Be honest. If the answer is "NO" then go back to the acceptance exercises, and stay with them until the answer is YES. Later... Narrow focus (noting) is allowed, but only on a background of wide relaxed peaceful absorption, (and only if the wide, relaxed peaceful absorption has become boring). This is done as a way of enquiry, as a way of finding insight into the nature of the ultimate Truth.
[edits10] * I'm not Christian, Buddhist or anything-ist. |