Hi there,
Here is my take on it, which is going to be in the minority on this forum.
1)Do you think i crossed the A&P?
You are definitely well on the spiritual path.
Basically, what is the risk of jhana training fostering a (re)crossing of A&P
Continuing to meditate in any way (e.g. practicing jhanas) will foster more spiritual developments, such as A&Ps and Dark Nights. Holding spiritual ideals/goals in mind while going through life, even if you don't meditate, will also likely perpetuate the symptoms you mention.
and is the Dark Night more or less manageable while practicing
Dark Nights can really suck and mess your life up, whether you are practicing or not.
Also if i did already cross, is it worth it to pursue jhana and actualism or should i shoot for stream entry in a daily practice regimen and see what happens?
Stream entry won't help you with actualism or attaining an actual freedom. Indeed, in my opinion it makes it more difficult.
-whatever happens i will eventually aim for Actual Freedom
If you're going to aim for an actual freedom anyway, you might as well do it directly instead of going about it in a roundabout manner. This link on "
180 degrees opposite" might be of use, excerpt here:
Peter:
The diagram deliberately points out what initially is the similarity between the path to Actual Freedom and the spiritual path – that they both start with a search for freedom, peace and happiness – but it also clearly indicates that they are, in fact, separate paths and explains in what way they are different. The diagram makes potently clear that continuing on the spiritual path by practicing denial, sublimation and transcendence which results in impassioned delusion, leads one further away from the actual world and actively perpetuates the Human Condition of fighting and suffering.
You either see it or you don't... but in order to make progress on the actualist path you have to understand what spirituality/meditation is, and how it leads you away from actuality. If you don't then you'll keep going down the spiritual path you're already on now. This spoken from my personal experience! I'd suggest reading as much as you can on the AFT about spiritualism/meditation/buddhism/vedanta etc. and seeing how it applies to what you've been doing thus far. If you don't understand that, you won't make progress towards actual freedom, because you'll be looking in the wrong place.
Cheers,
- Claudiu