Hi Daniel. I am not a meditation pro and I don't know much about energy, but I do know what it's like to do a long Mahasi retreat, and after this last year I also know a little something about chronic pain, so I thought I'd share some thoughts with you.
I think it could very well be that your pain is related to your meditation, but reading your account I think you might want to consider that your symptoms might also have some psychosomatic causes. This doesn't mean that it's not real and physically manifesting, it just means that the causes are from mental and emotional factors not purely physical or structural causes.
I started suffering from chronic pain in my hands, wrists, and forearms early last year and did some research on something called TMS, which stands for Tension Myositis Syndrome (although recently some have wanted to change it to Tension Myoneural Syndrome). The main figure in TMS research and treatment is Dr. Sarno, who has been treating chronic pain patients for decades. I once had a friend, a musician, who had mysterious chronic pain such that he couldn't use his hands and arms and had to wear a neck brace. He read a book called
The Mindbody Prescription by Dr. Sarno and was spontaneously cured, and this in fact is not uncommon.
Here's a piece that 20/20 did on Dr. Sarno:
http://tmswiki.wetpaint.com/page/The+20%2F20+segment+on+John+Sarno+and+TMS.In the course of making the segment, the 20/20 reporter was cured of severe chronic back pain that he'd had for many years, that he'd originally attributed to structural abnormalities diagnosed by his doctors.
In my own case, my hand/wrist/forearm pain had persisted since early last year. In October I also developed neurological symptoms in both arms and legs. Chronic tension and pain spread over to my neck, shoulders, lats, and upper back. I stopped doing all my usual calisthenics. A little over a month ago I was at the point where I was using speech recogition software on my computer for "typing" and mouse control. I bought a headset for my cell phone because it hurt to hold a phone to my ear. One month of physical therapy did nothing, if anything things got worse. Massage, heat, ice - nothing.
In early January I started taking muscle relaxants my doctor prescribed. Amrix, then cyclobenzaprine (the same medication but generic). I took it for two weeks and it helped. A few weeks ago I was reading TMS "success stories" and came across an RSI pain story by a drummer who had onset similar to mine. He had pain for a over a year, and a much more severe case than mine. He started reading about TMS and within a week he was cured.
The day after I read this I started tentatively using my hands on the computer. Now I type and mouse normally and for hours at a time and don't use the speech recognition at all. I stopped taking cyclobenzaprine for the time being. A couple days ago I shoveled the driveway which was buried under 2.5 feet of snow, something I wouldn't have dared to contemplate a month ago. (Looks like I'll have to do the same today!) I don't consider myself a success story because it's early days and the fact is I still experience pain and chronic tension, don't do upper body exercises yet, and also still have crazy neurological symptoms in both arms and legs. Thus I have a long way to go, but I felt I should say something about my personal case so that it is clear that my interest in this stuff is not purely academic.
TMS or its equivalents can cause chronic pain, fatigue, weakness, or neurological symptoms anywhere in the body, as well as stuff like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. There are many details in the account you've posted that indicate possible TMS, as they are common characteristics in TMS cases:
- The fact that you find the cause of your pain mysterious
- You attribute it to an injury or trauma from a long time ago that should have healed and resolved itself long before now
- The fact that standard treatment (in this case, rest) is not working
- You are not doing anything strenuous. All you are doing is sitting, walking and standing, things that you do all the time under other circumstances.
- The tension only appears primarily when you do slow Mahasi-style walking and not normal walking.
- The pain is happening during a period when you are under pressure that is largely self-created (intensive practice). You are experiencing frustration because you took time off for this, and you feel anxious that you won't be able to do the Panditarama retreat.
One of the main causes of psychosomatic pain according to TMS theory are personality traits of perfectionism and "goodism". If you find you are pushing yourself very hard all the time and demanding perfect, maximum efforts and results from yourself, this is considered to be a big red
flag. Repressed emotions, fear (such as fearful anticipation of pain), and stress and external and internal pressures are all major factors.
If you want to learn more about TMS I recommend reading the book
The Divided Mind: The Epidemic of Mindbody Disorders which talks about this stuff. The TMSWiki website is also good, and has a list of TMS doctors (varied disciplines - internal medicine, neurologists, physiatrists, orthopedic surgeons), some of whom you can call or email for advice. You can also schedule an appointment with them for an examination and possible diagnosis of TMS. They will try and rule out any physical causes first through physical examination and carefully looking over any tests results you have. They can check your body for particular tender, painful areas that appear on the bodies of most people suffering from TMS.
They will then outline a treatment program (you can also learn it from books). In some cases the pain disappears fairly quickly. In many cases though one has to do a program that involves a lot of daily inner reflection, stuff that is in fact pretty compatible with spiritual practice. I have started doing it and find it rewarding and educational. Even if it doesn't end up helping my physical symptoms, I still find it worthwhile.
I haven't had my TMS appointment yet (will be seeing a physiatrist in NYC) so I can't attest to what it's like. I don't even know if I have TMS or not or if my pain is caused by other psychosomatic factors like anxiety, or is structural-, energetic-, insight-based, or some combination of all those. I thought I'd share this info with you, though, because your case struck me as "textbook", except for the fact that you're intensively meditating.
Because of my personal situation and the fact that I've done research it could be that I'm "holding a hammer and seeing everything as a nail", so maybe take what I've said with some grains of salt. And if it doesn't resonate with you just forget about it.
Also, as I've said I do think meditation can cause old physical symptoms to return. It happened during my retreat that I felt tingling in areas of old injuries, and shortly after leaving MBMC I re-experienced physical symptoms from many past injuries and illnesses all at once, some from long ago. I am also convinced that a lot of the pain and tension symptoms I experience now are in part retreat and/or practice-related.
I think it is a very good idea to talk to your doctor, just to rule out any standard physical causes. And I feel the cyclobenzaprine helped me so you might want to give it a try if your doctor thinks it's okay in your situation. Walmart sells it for $4-$10 a month. If you have insurance, you can get Amrix instead which is a non-generic, extended-release formulation of it that my doctor thinks works better.
I wish you a swift resolution to your problem. I very much empathize with the disability, worry, frustration, and doubt that you are experiencing. I know it is hard and very challenging.
Hopefully people on DhO with experience in insight and energy will be able to provide you with more help. Chuck Kasmire just opened an Energy Practices Portal that you might want to check out.
I'll write my thoughts on practice style and Mahasi vs. California long retreat in a separate post.
PS Sorry if this was a word overload. For subjects like this I tend to write too much over too little.