I'll be using this thread as a sort of practice log for my journey from the dark night (I think) to stream entry.
If you guys have any advice on how to proceed through the dark night (assuming I'm even there!) this would be much appreciated! Feel free to skip ahead to the ***Where I am now***, and for reference, the *** Prelude *** started roughly at the beginning of September 2012.
*** Prelude ***
Kinda long post based on two and a half months of fairly intense practice. When I was last posting I was still having trouble with skull pressure... boy have things changed.
So after trying to deal with the iron-skull cap experience while doing anapanasati and trying to get into jhana, during meditation I had a feeling suddenly like a small explosion happened at the top of my head. An icy liquid phenomenon started seeping in from the top of my head, and I could very slowly guide it with my attention. I could also very slowly accumulate it. This then became my obsession and I learned how to dissolve a huge amount of what seemed to be tensions from my head, but couldn't get them through my throat.
Then one day I worked out that it seemed like the icy-liquid thing did not always make it's initial appearance at the crown of my head, but rather at the center point of my head, sorta where the homunculus would be located. So I accumulated as much of this icy liquid as possible in that spot, and suddenly it felt like an explosion happened and somehow all the icy-liquid dissappeared. Instead I started getting a drilling experience of vibrations just above the solar plexus. (I should mention at this time I had just finished five years of extremely stressful schooling and was an emotional wreck, I've also gone through an incredibly intense drug induced A&P a few years ago followed by the dark night which wrecked my life for about two years).
Anyway, I learned how to manipulate these drilling vibrations and slowly used it to unblock huge amounts of tension. Anytime tension would be released, the icy-liquid would flow for a while through that area. Eventually I worked my way down to my groin and started noticing that the vibrations would travel up and down my spine. I started doing pranayama practice, and suddenly a huge amount of tension throughout my lower body opened up. At the same time I was spending a lot of time practicing mindfulness of thoughts and the body.
Most of this time I was practicing two to four hours a day (the motivation was very easy as when the tensions were released my life became significantly more comfortable).
I learned a lot in the process of releasing these tensions as I noticed how the entire body was composed of vibrations and how to follow them extremely carefully. I also learned that various vibrations were somehow correlated (basically I started getting a fuzzy sense of volitions). I also learned somewhat how to dissolve these vibrations. I was also able to locate the location of the various chakras in terms of regions where the vibrations seemed to centralize and where I could rest my awareness/attention. I also spend a lot of my daytime at work observing vibrations in my body and sometimes doing a bit of light body-focused meditation (basically "busting out some vibrations" as Daniel writes in his book).
***** Where I am now (over the last week -> A&P + Dark Night): *****
Shortly after the tensions opened up, I noticed there was a tremendous amount of tension still residing in the diaphragm, upper back, neck, back of the head, the top of the head, the forehead and the face. I started doing light noting practice during sits, though I dramatically increased the intensity of watching the vibrations (I honestly prefer watching vibrations to noting verbally as I find the latter rather tiring and slow). I also had a few lucid dreams!
- I also noticed that the primary sense of "I" seemed to be located in these areas of the body and that they were rather solid compared to the lower parts of the body where I had dissolved the vibrations (there are still vibrations there, but it does really actually feel "empty" of any solidity once I observe carefully).
- I also noticed that the annoying sense of "control" that "I" would exert when trying to relax tense muscles (while working on the lower body) always correlated to subtle tensions/solidness arising in the upper body (head region). (I actually found it rather exciting that sometimes when trying to relax a muscle it would suddenly twitch/tense, and there woudl be this feeling that "I" had twitched/tensed it, when in fact I was simply observing it... very strange to feel that "I" was performing an action that I didn't want to perform!
I continued doing meditation, and spent a lot of time working on trying to dissolve tension in my diapraghm and near my heart. Two interesting things happened that I diagnosed as A&P. When I worked on the solar-plexus chakra (and shortly after the heart area), the vibrations suddenly had access to the head region. So I allowed myself to sink into the vibrations until there was just this sense of vibrations on one side and "me" on the other. I tried to find this sense of "me" for a while and couldn't find "me" (honestly I felt rather stupid at that moment as it seemed like I was so clearly sensing "me" and yet I couldn't actually find myself!), and so I let the vibrations sweep into the area behind me and suddenly everything just became vibrations and then BAM!!! there was this explosion like experience (the first time just a momentary flash of light) followed by me wide eyed open feeling extraordinarily sober with a sense of "holy crap I'm alive!!!" Nothing like this has happened in my meditation before. I was able to repeat this shortly after (within the hour).
Later that day, suddenly the intensive vibrations were gone (although still large amounts of tension present in back of head, forehead, etc). I reread the section in MCTB on the A&P and Dark Night and decided I was probably in the dissolution nana as there was this subtle sense of something feeling off.
I did more meditation, and soon the vibrations were back, but much more faint feeling. I decided I was in the dark night when the next morning I woke up and spent thirty minutes trying to get out of bed. It seemed like I was stuck in this place of being half asleep, and I would keep imagining that I was going to wake up, walk to the bathroom, brush my teeth, etc only to suddenly realize I was still in bed. I think Daniel talks about this in the book as: "Another effect that can be very noticeable at this stage is that actions just don’t happen easily. For instance, you might be going to lift your hand to turn off your alarm clock, but your hand just doesn’t move. You could move your hand, but somehow things just tend to stop with the intention and get nowhere. Eventually you move your hand, but it might have been just a bit tiring to do so."
I also found during meditation that I had a much stronger tendency to get lost in thoughts. This was all as of Sunday. (The last couple weekends I try to do 6-7 hours of meditation since things are getting exciting).
I started noticing over the last few days when walking that it feels as though the ground is moving. When I observed more carefully it sorta feels (especially when I stand still) that space is slightly wobbling like jello...
Today two interesting things happened that were very interesting:
1. At work, while talking to a colleague, I suddenly experienced myself purely as The Witness and heard words coming out of my mouth but they were not said by "me." Basically the only time I have ever experienced anything like this was while playing with strong psychadelics years ago. This was a very strange and noticeable experience and lasted 1-2 seconds. It's the closest thing to "No-Self" I can imagine having experienced anytime sober, ever.
2. While meditating, I've now learned to simply try and absorb into awareness. I can now enter into something that seems like a jhana where the vibrations completely overtake me, I dissolve into them, and then I seem to not be in my body (I usually meditate lying down on a towel on the floor) and I fall through the floor and the body dissappears. Everything is super calm and I usually just space out... perhaps this is low equanamity? I'm definitely not seeing frame-by-frame forms as described in MCTB.
I've also noticed just while walking around my apartment in between meditation sessions that there is definitely something odd about my sense of self and the body. There is definitely a tendency to watch the body move around and do things, and I'm definitely not telling it what to do. For example, I will pace back and forth around my apartment just watching my body decide how to randomly pace. I did notice today that I can imagine one could feel creeped-out/lonely in this state as it definitely is starting to feel like there is just this field of experience and me trapped inside, and sometimes the sense of "me" seems to be not-obvious (like not firmly planted in the body).
Sometimes at work when people are talking to me and I try and pay attention to them, they will suddenly transition from being outside of me to being "inside my field of experience" as though they are directly talking to me (sorta feels like falling into the witness state).
I've also started paying attention to space and how (in another thread Daniel mentioned) attention/space/phenomenon are all one thing. Especially over the last few days I've noticed that by placing my attention on an object I can become aware of the surrounding space, and by resting my attention in the surrounding space, often the energy/vibrations of the center point will increase. In particular I've noticed that there is this tension at the center of experience (middle of the head) where "I" would presume to be located and everything else can be projected onto a sphere surrounding this "I".
I'm going to continue practicing as much as I can as I find this all quite exciting. I'd appreciate if experienced meditators could suggest to me:
A) Am I in the dark night? If so, which stage? I'm confused by cycling... (both the mechanics of how it works and how I actually feel cycling)

Are the different nanas not clear to me because I need to do more concentration practice, or should I just keep plowing along with the current insight-oriented practice I'm doing?
C) How does cycling work? Do I need to go through all the nanas starting with Mind & Body each time I sit down?
D) what is the relation between the energy-like vibrations moving up the body to the head and insight? It feels like dissolving the center-point of the head permanently is somehow crnitical... however my practice also feels incredibly body-focused...
E) Suggestions as to what to do / how far I might be from Stream Entry. Honestly I hope after stream entry this control-tension in the body goes away... is Stream Entry subtle? I'm confused reading the posts on the DhO because some posters seem to have a hard time noticing exactly what changed, where as Daniel talks about how it was incredibly noticeable for him and he felt like Daniel The Great Stream Enterer for days... perhaps there is some correlation between the super-intensive concentration Daniel had, but I thought Stream Entry was Stream Entry?
In any case, I will continue practicing as best I can with a positive attitude until I hit Stream Entry (hopefully sooner rather than later!).
EDIT: Yeah, actually now that I'm noticing carefully, noticing that "I" am somehow alive right now in the present moment is actually really creepy and actually kinda scary.