NOTE: I'm reposting this as a new thread in this category (it was originally part of this post)A lot of fear and anxiety is coming up when I sit.
I don't think I've ever experienced proper jhana, even though I've been meditating regularly for about 10 years. Certainly I've experienced jhana factors like piti and sukkha during meditation, but I've never been absorbed with the object of meditation anything beyond access concentration.
A couple of days ago a lot of fear came up as it seemed I was getting closer to letting go into the breath and absorption. Certainly my experience resonates with the following passage from Ajahn Brahm's book (p.24):
“...The more likely obstacle, though, is fear. Fear arises from the recognition of the sheer power and bliss of the jhana, or else at the recognition that to go fully inside the jhana something must be left behind -- you! The doer is silent before entering the jhana, but is still there. Inside the jhana, however, the doer is completely gone.”
The thing is that since that sit, my fear and anxiety outside of meditation have increased considerably, and I'm more restless, and have even more adrenalin than usual pumping around too. Every time I sit to meditate, the fear gets stronger. Today I just stopped meditating when it came up. Is this a common experience for people, especially control-freaks like myself who have problems letting go?
I'd be quite happy to just carry on despite the fear if knew it wasn't going to send me doolally. But my concern is that it will turn me into an anxious wreck!
Though it does seem to make sense to me that big fear would naturally make me think these fearful thoughts, and maybe the sensible thing to do is just to let go, relax into the breath and trust... let the fear come and just keep returning to the breath (trusting trusting trusting...), till it subsides. Even if it takes a few weeks, or more.
I'm not sure whether I should stop meditating for a while, or just go for it. Any thoughts? Thanks, Martin