What was that? I just came back from a weekend retreat at Gaia House. I loved that place and I'll be back. Highly recommended.
I just wanted to ask people here about this experience I had yesterday (Saturday). I don't think it was Path, but what was it?
Here it goes:
I arrived at the retreat on Friday afternoon, with crappy momentum and after a long and hard week at work. Little time for practice in that week and previous weekend, pretty uneventful sits, and worst of all, found myself lost in my stuff a lot more than usual during them.
During that evening I fought (read: embraced) the Dark Night demons, sat through the general aversion to sitting and bought into the peacefulness that this new place offered. Felt pretty strong pressure on the temples. By the last sit of the night, I was all OK with sitting, getting concentrated pretty quickly and less lost in my stuff. After that we went to rest, and I stayed awake in bed for about one hour, lost in stuff again, not being able to meditate, sleep (though I was quite tired), and getting pretty frustrated with myself.
Saturday morning, I woke up 10 minutes before the wake-up bell, feeling engaged. During the first sit though, I had a couple moments of spacing out, not lost in content, but in la la land, still waking up, but very peaceful feeling. Very strong pressure on the temples. The breakfast was a 3 in
this scale.
Walks were not very insightful, I did it in the gardens and was still getting acquainted with the place, so the mind wouldn't stop saying "look at that! and that!
did that cute girl just smile at me? (noted: desire)".
Second sit, fully awake, feeling energetic, still engaged, peaceful. Mind leaned towards concentration. Within 10 minutes I was absorbed. I just let it be as it was, and moved up to 4th samatha jhana which is the highest I can usually access (but seldom bother to: usually jump from 2nd into insight practice). Pressure on the right temple was now like somebody was stabbing me there. Walking period after that was just basking in that deep peace, oh I'm so OK with the world.
Third sit (last before lunch). Really energetic, even more engaged, even more peaceful. No pull towards absorption. Resolution: let go of this whole stream entry thing. Practice oh so easy. A group of 15 construction workers having a go at my right temple with pneumatic hammers. A bit of noting, oh so easy, seeing the
Four Foundations (see: first gear), oh so obvious (noted: pride). A 7 in the scale above, with a couple peeks into 8. With some 15 minutes left, my torso started swaying slowly. I let it be, and then 3 minutes later I was engaged in
detailed noting and some frames disappeared from the picture. Judging from the last position I remember before the event, and the first one after it, it must have lasted two seconds.
Peace became profound at this point, like it came from the guts, like the whole body was in such a bliss and peace that I had only felt something comparable after a previous
near miss on stream entry. Felt like someone opened a tap and the pressure on the right temple was now draining onto the crown, which was now vibrating mildly. After 10 or 15 seconds, the thought "what was that?" arose, and then I started playing games. So let's suppose I'm enlightened, let's see if I can jump jhanas and ñanas (noted: planning thought). Then I was able to conjure them in order, out of order, leaping from (samatha) 4th to 2nd, to 3rd, to 1st, to 2nd-soft, to 2nd-hard, to 4th, and from there to the 11th ñana, down to the 4th, up to the 6th, 7th. I was amused at how easy it was to go from non absorption to absorption and back, how less daunting the dukkha ñanas felt when I knew I could make them go away at a whim.
Then another meditator started coughing a lot at the back of the hall, so much that she had to get up leave. I could feel some visceral compassion arising for her, whereas in previous situations I would have noted "schadenfreude" (heh, full disclosure

). Mind feels fascinated at this, then it jumps to conclude that was Path, then there's pride, then there's amusement at the mind jumping the gun so fast.
The rest of the day I alternated between letting things be and controlling the experience, the mind was pretty (noted: ) fascinated by this new ability to "bend spacetime" like this. Each sit would feel like starting at a different point in the maps, but with an underlying feeling of Equanimity. Looking at my hand and moving it would seem like it's not me moving it, but just an intention arising, and then the hand moving. Looking at my own image in the mirror, would seem very weird in a way I can't explain. Like a mixture of seeing my own face, someone else's face, and a strange object. Pressure at the temples would still build up, but upon looking at it, it would immediately drain onto the crown and disappear.
Example of manipulating experience: an itch arises during a sitting, then I say "let's look at it in A&P-style", then the itch starts vibrating wildly and throwing blissful sparks all over. After a minute, I say "ok, now how does it feel in equanimity", and see how it vibrates quietly and moves slowly. "Good, thanks. Fear, please.", and I see it stay put and growing in annoyingness, and a nearby yogi conveniently coughs; body is shaken by sudden rush of adrenalin. "Re-observation", and I watch it vibrating wildly again, but this time feeling like out of sync and spitting out adrenalin from it in all directions.
I had next to no problems with pain yesterday, but I remember a few times that back pain appeared. I once tried observing it A&P-style, and it
immediately exploded in bodily bliss. I tried that again twice during the day and didn't work reliably. One of those times it just started spurting bliss but didn't dissolve, and the other time it just stayed put.
In one of the late afternoon sits, in which I had resolved not to manipulate experience, it felt quite peaceful, and near the end of the sit I kind of spaced out for a few seconds, and next thing I remember I was seeing A&P fireworks.
All sensations were so, so obvious, that at some point in the day I stopped making effort and instead of allowing stuff to happen, that prompted some spacing out. Then more spacing out. Then more. Whenever I returned to check if the "powers" were still there, they were.
When we got to the time to go to bed, I kept playing with this for like half an hour, and then thought: let's see if I can use this new cool "power" to knock myself asleep. Next thing I remember, I woke up with the morning bell. The "powers" were still there but were a lot less spectacular, and less tempting to use. And overall, the underlying mood was grumpiness rather than peace for most of today. Concentration was lacking. Peace ended up returning in the last sit of the retreat, a metta one, and I felt balanced and normal the rest of the day. Pressure at the temples: nearly gone, very mild. Relationship with the self: pretty much the same as usual, this is my strongest reason to say not Path.
But what was that?