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My (hopefully last) stream entry claim.
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My (hopefully last) stream entry claim.
12/27/12 2:20 AM
I've been practicing vipassana lately, with a combination of noting, just paying attention to whatever sensations are most obvious, and looking into mental states, including formless stuff that has come up in practice, in what seems to be high equanimity. The past few days up to today, there had been a lot of dizziness in equanimity, perhaps having to do with what felt like a massive gravity between my eyes, which sometimes got very intense during practice.

Today, I was doing some simple concentration on the breath, then switched to vipassana. I got into what seemed to be equanimity, and switched to trying to see the whole frame at once. I remember humming along, with the feeling of presence that I associate with basically anything I've ever done. There was this tiny moment though, less than a second long, where perception made a smooth, sudden, yet obvious shift. I've heard this next phrase used before, but I can't remember in what context. Maybe this was the context. In that small moment, it seemed like "no one was home". Then, I was just sitting there in an almost anticlimactic way, wondering what that sudden thing was. Then, this calm and happiness washed over me. It felt like a waft of pleasant perfume had risen up and suffused my body. It was a bit comparable to the body pleasure in 3rd jhana, except much more fine, bright, and simple. I didn't really know what it was, and I was about to go to a buddy's place, so I just figured I'd play with it later.


I got home not too long ago. I got in bed and started meditating. Within seconds, I got A&P stuff, except it was a lot less heavy and perhaps more pleasant. Each nana appeared discreet and separate from the surrounding nanas. Due to the speed of rising through the nanas and the concentration, I was able to see the transitions for the first time. I got up to EQ in about 10 minutes. I was hanging out there, with the intention in the back of my head to see a fruition. I was just cruising along, with the sense of presence. Then, there was the same type of sudden, shifted perspective that lasted less than a second. This one was a different species from the last. It was more shocking, like cold water to the attention. It was over right away. I didn't notice any blip or conk-out or anything like that. However, after, I sat there, anticlimactically again, just thinking, "what was that?". Then, the lightness and bliss suffused me again, like a balloon being slowly, but surely filled with helium.

I'll give it time, but I'm posting this up before I forget any details from today.
RE: My (hopefully last) stream entry claim.
12/27/12 3:04 AM as a reply to Mind over easy.
You seem to be going pretty well , however I have always felt the breaking of fetters permanently as the surest
way to know where one is...for instance for stream-winning , i consider breaking of the classic first three lower
fetters..
RE: My (hopefully last) stream entry claim.
12/27/12 7:48 AM as a reply to Mind over easy.
Mind over easy:
I've been practicing vipassana lately, with a combination of noting, just paying attention to whatever sensations are most obvious, and looking into mental states, including formless stuff that has come up in practice, in what seems to be high equanimity. The past few days up to today, there had been a lot of dizziness in equanimity, perhaps having to do with what felt like a massive gravity between my eyes, which sometimes got very intense during practice.

Today, I was doing some simple concentration on the breath, then switched to vipassana. I got into what seemed to be equanimity, and switched to trying to see the whole frame at once. I remember humming along, with the feeling of presence that I associate with basically anything I've ever done. There was this tiny moment though, less than a second long, where perception made a smooth, sudden, yet obvious shift. I've heard this next phrase used before, but I can't remember in what context. Maybe this was the context. In that small moment, it seemed like "no one was home". Then, I was just sitting there in an almost anticlimactic way, wondering what that sudden thing was. Then, this calm and happiness washed over me. It felt like a waft of pleasant perfume had risen up and suffused my body. It was a bit comparable to the body pleasure in 3rd jhana, except much more fine, bright, and simple. I didn't really know what it was, and I was about to go to a buddy's place, so I just figured I'd play with it later.


I got home not too long ago. I got in bed and started meditating. Within seconds, I got A&P stuff, except it was a lot less heavy and perhaps more pleasant. Each nana appeared discreet and separate from the surrounding nanas. Due to the speed of rising through the nanas and the concentration, I was able to see the transitions for the first time. I got up to EQ in about 10 minutes. I was hanging out there, with the intention in the back of my head to see a fruition. I was just cruising along, with the sense of presence. Then, there was the same type of sudden, shifted perspective that lasted less than a second. This one was a different species from the last. It was more shocking, like cold water to the attention. It was over right away. I didn't notice any blip or conk-out or anything like that. However, after, I sat there, anticlimactically again, just thinking, "what was that?". Then, the lightness and bliss suffused me again, like a balloon being slowly, but surely filled with helium.

I'll give it time, but I'm posting this up before I forget any details from today.


Sounds promising! Good job!
RE: My (hopefully last) stream entry claim.
12/27/12 7:33 PM as a reply to Mind over easy.
Day 2:


I'm still not quite sure if this is it, but I'm more and more inclined to think so.

There haven't really been any "fireworks" or anything like that. I hear a lot of people speak of massive intensity after stream entry, but I haven't particularly been overwhelmed by any experience since the event. I already know I'm susceptible to scripting, so I'm still considering this possibility.

Experience has seemed very clean. There is definitely a sense of not being worried about insight stuff, in contrast to the past few weeks (and months) of vipassana practice. I feel fine just going about my day, like a normal guy. In the past, I've often gotten a very disconnected, absent feeling in the nana of dissolution. The head has seemed fairly empty, as far as physical sensations go. It feels open and hollow. This is a fairly constant thing. There's a sense of being the watcher of my life now. I don't know if this is the witness or what, but there's a definite 3rd person feeling going on, which hasn't changed. When I close my eyes, the whole field of experience seems extremely open, comparable to dissolution, as I mentioned. It's not quite as spaced out though. It's more just empty, like "no one is home".

Besides last night, I haven't been able to induce any fruitions. That is, assuming yesterday's events were indeed fruitions. Every now and then, out of the blue, I'll start to feel pressure/gravity/flickering in the 3rd eye area. Vipassana does indeed seem different. When I sit, A&P stuff comes on within seconds, and I feel like I can quickly progress up to equanimity, and dwell in each individual nana, seeing their distinct qualities. This is in contrast to before, where the dukkha nanas were really just a blur of unpleasant stuff. There's also a new sense of familiarity to the nanas, like it's old territory, like something I own. This was most clear while going through the dukkha nanas. There was never a twinge of uncertainty, of "suffering", of being in a bad place. It just felt like I was viewing them, sampling them, just gliding through them. I felt like I could intensify them, as though they were jhanas to steep in. This is especially true for fear and reobservation. I've read the advice to just sit and see what happens, so I also tried to sit, just doing nothing except watching. The A&P happened within less than a minute. I wish I would have tried sitting and not doing anything beforehand to see if this is new, but I think that it indeed is new. The perceptual baseline backdrop seems like a hybrid between dissolution and equanimity. Concentrating is easy. I haven't really tried for jhanas since I've been hanging out with friends, doing Christmas stuff, spending time with the family, etc...

I walked out my front door today, and what struck me was the change in perspective. My thought was along these lines... "wow, this looks exactly like it did when I was a child!". It's almost like having a nostalgia trip, pursing it, and then finding yourself right "at home", back in "those times", something like that.

All the subtleties do seem to point to stream entry (besides clearly experiencing a fruition and a blackout). The reason that I still have a bit of doubt is because I don't really feel the intensity that people speak of. I do consider the possibility that I'm just in equanimity, but the subtleties do point to something that has changed.
RE: My (hopefully last) stream entry claim.
12/28/12 9:21 AM as a reply to Mind over easy.
These things vary. Many people don't even realize they'd gotten Stream Entry until well after the fact. What's going on in your sits sounds like what happens afterwards, especially all that A&P energy. Just keep on doing what you're doing, and things will settle as time goes on.
RE: My (hopefully last) stream entry claim.
12/28/12 4:23 PM as a reply to Mind over easy.
Day 3:

Of everything that I've experienced in the past few days, the most consistent thing is the feeling that my head is empty. That has remained completely unchanging, 24/7. It's like the whole head region is airy and expanded. As I mentioned, it's much like the feeling of dissolution, right after the A&P. My baseline still feels like some hybrid between dissolution and equanimity.

I'm not trying to slack off or anything, but I've really cooled my jets. I've been so concerned with this stuff for months, and it's just not the case these last few days. it just isn't a big deal, and I'm thinking that is part of the insight. This life is just taking it's course, and as much as I'm able to devise ways to make my life more optimal, enjoyable, better, etc, the whole point seems to be seeing things for what they are. I still get mad, angry, frustrated, but it just fades away, and there isn't any mental motion to try to manipulate or suppress those feelings. They just fade away naturally, and the "worry" mechanism that keeps problems swimming through my head is apparently off.

Just watching how it all plays out seems like practice at this point. I've been taking to just sitting and doing nothing but watching. Like I mentioned, the mind seems to be in a constant state of something similar to dissolution. When I close my eyes, it's like I just check out by default. A&P stuff happens within seconds, but isn't particularly strong. I could probably steep in it and make it stronger, but I'm enjoying just sitting and letting the nanas arise. Concentration is great and insight is effortless. I'm not investigating, I'm just sitting there. I've finally established faith that I'm not scripting my experience of the nanas. If I'm just sitting, not doing anything at all but being present, and the nana stuff comes up in order, in distinct stages, then there can hardly be doubt.

Still not sure about fruitions. I haven't been able to make it happen in sitting, but I haven't really sat for more than half an hour or so. Every now and then, when I'm just going about my day, there will be short (less than 1sec), sudden moments where I'm kinda startled or shocked. I do associate some bodily bliss with this, but concentration is good so when these moments happen and I look into experience, it could be that piti is naturally coming up due to the concentration. I dunno. After these moments, I just feel like... "Oh. Alright". That's similar to how I felt after the 2 suspect fruitions I had a few days ago.

I'm feeling more and more like I got it this time.
RE: My (hopefully last) stream entry claim.
12/30/12 9:26 PM as a reply to Mind over easy.
Still going strong.

I've never known any states or stages to last for as long as this has, and I'm pretty much confident that it was indeed stream entry. It's almost impossible to pin down what has changed.

I'm just not worried about meditation. I have resolve not to move to the next insight cycle until I'm ready. I don't really know how that works or what to expect, but I guess it'll come when I'm ready. For the past few months, I've always thought, "damn, if I was a stream enterer, I wouldn't have to be worried about this". This was tied up in a lot of gravity/obsession towards insight practice. However, it's just gone at the moment. Very boring sounding, but very significant to me. I just don't feel worried about it. It's beautiful to just walk around and not feel inclined to note, to walk around and not feel like insight stages are running the show of my life. If anyone has advice relating to review cycles, when to move on, and what to do after stream entry, I'm all ears.

I have the feeling of having gone full-circle. I expected there to be a linear-style point of arrival, a point of stopping, but it feels more like I was on a carousel, and now I'm off of it, looking on it, thinking, "duh, there was no arrival point. It's just going around in circles and I wasn't really ever going anywhere!". When I do try a little vipassana, it feels like I'm listening to the same old tunes that lost impact a long time ago.

The most significant thing I can say about the change is that I'm simply not worried. There's normally some kind of magnetism that draws me into problems, thoughts, emotions, situations, concerns, or whatever. That magnetism seems to be absent. It isn't conspicuous, but I'm noticing more and more how peaceful that is. It's like bumper cars. At first, I was ramming into things simply because I thought that was the name of the game. Now I'm just cruising. No one is bumping into me since I'm not bumping into anyone else. The bumps happen, but when they do, they're done. I'm not the cat or the mouse. Or, I'm the cat, but there are no mice to chase.

How am I even able to explain this change to friends? "Yeah, I'm just really relaxed and not worried about things". There isn't any way to convey how significant and consistent the change is. It's like having hand-warmers stuffed in your shoes on a cold day. No one can truly appreciate the warmth at every step! Hah, now I'm getting sappy.
RE: My (hopefully last) stream entry claim.
12/31/12 4:01 AM as a reply to Mind over easy.
Mind over easy:
I have resolve not to move to the next insight cycle until I'm ready.

Sounds good.

Mind over easy:
When I do try a little vipassana, it feels like I'm listening to the same old tunes that lost impact a long time ago.

I remember having so much momentum post-path I figured why not just keep blasting away? Soon I noticed that I was just treading water, revving the engine in neutral. I would recommend just chilling (at least lay off vipassana) until you notice the mind gaining traction again.

Mind over easy:
How am I even able to explain this change to friends? "Yeah, I'm just really relaxed and not worried about things". There isn't any way to convey how significant and consistent the change is. It's like having hand-warmers stuffed in your shoes on a cold day. No one can truly appreciate the warmth at every step! Hah, now I'm getting sappy.

Congrats on your progress emoticon Have you been out enjoying the beauty in nature? Feeling the fresh air? Dialing into the timeless now? Resting in the stillness? Have some... dear I say this... fun?
RE: My (hopefully last) stream entry claim.
1/1/13 12:23 PM as a reply to Mind over easy.
I have resolve not to move to the next insight cycle until I'm ready


Haha, says the stream-enterer. There's a reason its called that. You're sucked in homey. A certain degree (as was once you passed the a&p) is not up to you. Your mind will move onto the next path whenever the hell it wants to ;) It'll take care of you though... It will give you some fun, it will give you a break, it will work on some of your integration (life problems).

btw CONGRATULATIONS, and happy new year