Daniel M. Ingram:
1) Resolutions during initial training except of the most general nature can be really counterproductive, I find, as it relies on will rather than organic development of direct perceptual insight, and that is not what causes insight to rise, where as direct organic perceptual development is.
I should probably added that on the first two retreats I did in this tradition, no resolutions were made. It seems like I was only given them when I was ready. Also, I was told about the meaning of the various nanas only afterwards, so I really don't know why I had to do the resolutions at all. Also, I was told to forget about the resolutions after making them.
Daniel M. Ingram:
4) Are you sure you got stream entry? Was there a Review phase? Were there repeat Fruitions? Was there a Mastery phase? It is the Mastery phase that spontaneously generates new territory for new practice...
Since I couldn't continue to practice after the would-be SE for several months (injury made walking meditation impossible) this is hard to judge. As far as I can see, no cycling occurred on its own, and no repeat fruitions. So I guess it wasn't SE as described in MCTB. However, it had the following characteristics:
-it occurred when I had absolutely given up on 'achieving' fruition and just did the practice
-it was preceded by everything flying around without centerpoint for a few seconds (formations?) and then a short moment of what seemed to be conformity. Some seconds after the 'cessation', a warm bliss wave appeared.
-some basic error seemed to be entirely gone, which had been bugging me for 2 years prior. For the next 2 months, I felt like no more work in insight would be necessary. After that, some more suffering has become obvious, but some permanent insight into no-self remains.
-In the 2 subsequent retreats, the focus seemed to have shifted: Anatta seemed less important, and dukkha MUCH more so. Also, both times I started at A&P.
Daniel M. Ingram:
3) It seems very caught up in maps and in just trying to get through stages, rather than simply doing the bare, simple, straightforward techniques that cause those insights to arise and the maps to unfold as they were supposed to.
5) It just keeps seeming like you were trying to force things rather than doing the basic work that actually made the stages unfold.
When I took the basic course in this tradition, I didn't know anything about the maps, but still made it to low/middle equanimity. In the later retreats, after reading MCTB, I initially had trouble to treat arising expectations as just sensations - but that got better very soon. Other than that, knowledge of the maps seems not to have altered my practice significantly. It's true though, that with increased faith I seem to be prone to overdoing it.
Daniel M. Ingram:
2) There is very little mention of the Three Characteristics or much fine direct sensate investigation.
All three characteristics showed themselves in rich abundance. However, I have no idea how to do 'direct sensate investigation'. This is how Ajahn Tong technique works:
1)mindful prostration for 'warm up'. no noting here.
2)walking:
-note "standing, standing, standing"
-note 3x"intention to walk"
-note "lifting", "forwards", "lowering". <- this is the 3-step. later it goes up to 6-step.
Whenever some distraction comes in:
-stop and stand on 2 feet
-note "stop, stop stop"
-note whatever came up. don't get lost in noting - one teacher told me to note generally not more than 3 things.
-go back to above
3)sitting:
-note lifting
-note lowering
-note sitting
-note touching (one of 28 points in order)
distraction comes in =>
-note "hearing, hearing, hearing" (or whatever it was) and go back to "lifting"
Is this different than what you call "direct sensate investigation"? The teacher told me that we don't really do anything. We would only "create the conditions (balance of concentration and mindfulness) so insight will come".
He also said something like: "People who don't know this technique well will usually try to note lots of things, thus getting entangled in games of the mind, and thus not make any progress. It is VERY important, that you cut this as soon as you note it and come back to the walking."
Daniel M. Ingram:
6) It is possible to complete a progress of insight in daily life, just more difficult.
7) Losing control over ones actions is a sigh of progress, so long as what you mean by that is noticing that actions happen on their own (no-self), rather than meaning "losing control" as in "losing it" as in "doing really crazy or inappropriate things", which is totally different.
8) You need a good teacher who will talk with you in plain and honest language like a friend about all this stuff, as I think you really don't get that good technique, good investigation, good emphasis on sensate awareness, good emphasis on Three Characteristics lead to insights, and balancing the 7 Factors of Enlightenment makes things a whole lot better, and yours clearly weren't balanced.
9) That said, you sound like quite a trooper, so with more balance, present, sensation-sensation-sensation-based investigation, rather than push-to-the-next-stage-based effort, you may do very well, and it sounds like you may have hit equanimity, so that is good.
By 'Losing control' I meant that it really felt as if it happened without me being able to stop it. At one point I became very fearful and didn't quite know what to do, but for some reason I continued. I felt like remote-controlled by means of a voodoo doll (didn't do anything bad though). One round later, I became very unstable. The next day, the anatta was much more integrated and seemingly natural, which felt quite liberating. In hindsight it was probably my mistake to get in this, because I inadvertently ignored the teacher's advice to be more careful with the condition of restlessness.
As to the balance, the teacher told me that my practice was actually very good, and "all the conditions were there". He said I built up very much concentration very fast, and if it happens too fast, people can't handle it. (sleep had been shortened to 4h/night to enhance concentration further) So, obviously I wasn't ready for that much concentration yet. He said that I would get stronger with every time, so next time I would get further in the process. So, probably this means that the equanimity wasn't there enough - when I realized that my practice was much better than on the last retreat, I started to overdo it (higher intensity, shorter breaks). I hope the lesson is learned by now...
I didn't think about the 7 factors and realized that I don't have a clue how to intentionally get them in balance. I guess I'll better reread the chapter about them, so thanks for the hint.
Teachers who would talk about everything very openly would be very nice, I agree. Sadly, Ajahn Tong folk don't do it, although they seem to me to be quite skilled. The teacher also seemed to notice that I was prone to overdoing it. Towards the end of the retreat, his favourite words became "Easy. Easy!!!" (:
Daniel M. Ingram:
My thoughts this evening
D
thanks a lot!