bernd the broter:
Hi.
I had similar experiences while/after reading TPON (actually it had started before, but reading the book seemed to reinforce them), although less profound than what you are describing. After half a year, most of it passed. I found myself in total confusion and didn't know what to do. MCTB gave me an explanation. I got a teacher and meditated myself to some sort of semi-stream entry, which ended the confusion. I'm very happy about that. The other effects you describe are very nice, but probably won't return or stay. (At least they didn't for me.)
I didn't read TPON again since - I now consider it to be rather misleading and probably doing more harm than good. Getting a qualified teacher was the best thing to do in this situation for me. Note: although I had already passed A&P once, I still made all kinds of stupid mistakes when I started formal meditation training. A teacher always pulled me back on track. So your experience doesn't guarantee that you won't get stuck.
Other than that: I doubt that meditating 20 times will lead you through all of the dukkha nana stages. On the other hand, Daniel seems to state that it is possible for some people so whatever...
What is your meditation practice at the moment?
I am very interested in ending the confusion and feeling of disconnection with reality. Sometimes the feeling is not that bad and other times it is absolutely unbearable. At this moment, I feel alright because it is 2:30 in the morning and the stresses of the day are removed when I stay up late. I have not looked into a teacher of any sort yet. The reason for this is because only within the past week have I actually and I believe, truly, believed what is happening to me. I am certain I crossed the A&P event after reading TPON just based on what I have read in MCTB.
Also, I think you misread what I meant by meditating 20 times or perhaps I wasn't clear enough. I have only meditated around 20 times in my entire live, all of them post reading TPON and during what I believe to be my Dark Night stage (which is the resent months to right now).
dream walker:
Read MCTB once thru and try to get all the concepts and vocabulary down. Then reread the book again with this new viewpoint and see what you can get out of the book. If you are past the arising and passing away and into the dark night area then the best thing is to meditate yourself past it and get to Equanimity. You will probably cycle through the stages several times as most of us have. Get better at meditation and you should be able work thru the stages a bit faster. Find a local teacher that knows the stuff in the book or skype some teachers.
Good luck
~D
I have read the first few pages but skipped to the progress of insight chapter because it applied almost exactly to my current situation. I believe I have passed the A&P event long ago and have since been diddling in the various stages of the Dark Night. I am not sure which kind of meditation I should do but I am sure I will find out when I start diving into MCTB. Once I have read through this and began formal meditation, I will consider looking into some teachers.
Rob Wynge:
Oh man, I read The Power of Now over 10 years ago, back before hardly anyone heard of Tolle, and cool life changing stuff like this never happened to me... :-) (I did love the book though)
The advice you've been given is good. I also like Shinzen Young for a very technically focused practice. If you prefer more "just be" styles of practice, look into Advita or Dzogchen.
Thats ironic that it did not impact you at all! For me, the first page of the book gave me a crazy realization feeling and I could feel a sense of energy rush through my body. I truly believe since that moment I have and never will be the same. I will look into these styles of practice and I hope they are covered in MCTB. If not, I'm guessing there definitely are numerous books and resources about these techniques. Also, regarding Shinzen Young, I stumbled on this page a few days before coming across MCTB and this forum. It is all about the dark night and has a video at the bottom which I watched as well. The link is here if you are interested: http://shinzenyoung.blogspot.com/2011/11/dark-night.html
T DC:
Hey Jake,
Just wanted to say I can really relate with your story. I am a pretty quiet guy myself, and in high school much of the time I felt mentally locked up, like there was a hard barrier in my brain which I could not cross to interact with friends and other people. Then, I had a day where everything was going well, I was no longer restrained by myself, I felt like my brain was sharper and loosened up.. Anyhow that day I had what I would call now an enlightenment experience, or taste, where for a brief period all the barriers between me and world were gone, and I was totally "in the movie" so to speak.
To me it sounds like you had a similar experience. Anyhow, now that that has happened, clearly you have a vision of the immensely joyous state in which it is possible to live. I would call this a vision of enlightenment. It is a helpful thing to have because it can guide in your practice, and motivate you; wherever you're at you know in the back of your mind whether your current state matches the state you tasted, and so can put effort into practice accordingly.
It sounds like you are now on the right path with meditating, and reading MCTB. I think that book has extremely good advice for practice, especially the emphasis on constant effort in mindfulness, which I have found to be KEY! My advice for the dark night, and pretty much any stage is just keep on practicing, don't push yourself too hard, but push hard enough.
Cheers man, good luck!

The feeling of the brain being sharper was one of the most profound abilities I picked up on during the A&P event I passed through. Truly an amazing experience that can't be conveyed into words. I hope I am traveling along the right path at this moment. Unfortunately, meditation did not get me here, reading TPON did. I say unfortunately because I have almost no experience with meditation and I feel that the lack of experience may delay my progress moving forward. But I could be wrong! Who knows.
C C C:
Hi Jake,
I have two suggestions.
1. Take a multi-vitamin/mineral supplement + vit B + vit D + krill oil. This will stabilize your nervous system quickly and effectively, making you less labile.
2. Try not to feel any compassion for your self in your current situation. This was a breakthrough for me, and very counter-intuitive. People say "be kind to yourself", which is good if it is interpreted as "eat well, exercise, do fun things". But if it's interpreted as feeling sympathy or compassion for yourself, then it aggravates things severely. Read more in "Encounter with the Nagual". by Armando Torres..
Interesting advice. I will look into your first recommendation, but I was wondering if you had personal experience and success with that method. Your second bit of advice is interesting. Lately, I have been accepting these feelings because I know they aren't me, they are simply a stage I am going through. Actually, I am not sure if I am feeling compassion for myself or not. Regardless, can you elaborate on this part? I am intrigued. Also, I will look into the book you mentioned.
Richard Zen:
I would recommend an old self-help book that will help reduce any repression of healthy desire: Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz goes indepth about the self-image. He was a plastic surgeon but he met many patients who didn't need surgery but had self-image problems instead. He taught how to change the self-image which is a big clue related to impermanence.
Next I would read some good books on Meditation:
Direct Path to Realization by Analayo
5 aggregates by Boisvert
With meditation the purpose is to eliminate craving completely. As Shaila Catherine points out in her book Wisdom Wide and Deep "how far do you want to let go?" This is something you'll have to decide for yourself. Not everyone will be cravingless.
Another thing to point out is that much of what bothers us is how we think about what is good and bad (including our views of meditation) and you need to see deeply enough to know that Descartes maxim "I think therefore I am" has consequences. The subtle thing I'm trying to get at is your thoughts about your practice could be negative and that will affect you negatively. It's important to see that thinking about yourself is just thinking, not a "self". Thinking about the past isn't the past but just being in the present moment and thinking. Treating your thoughts like you treat your senses starts to unravel the thoughts as feeling separate from other phenomenon your consciousness knows. Your consciousness can know thoughts like it knows seeing, hearing, etc.
Phenomenon in your direct experience (including thoughts) can be pleasant neutral or unpleasant. Soon after a feeling tone is registered your perception will decide to like or dislike what's happening and stress hormones are released. This happens over and over again like a broken record. You want to let go of obsessive thoughts related to the likes and dislikes to get relief. When you let go you will be more in your senses instead of lost in thoughts and you can compare the stress of being lost in negative thoughts versus positive ones or being in no mindstate whatsoever.
If the Maltz book doesn't do it for you then I would consider developing a lovingkindness practice and concentration practice to help smooth out the insight practice because the insight practice will create withdrawal symptoms (some of what you are describing already) as you progress. Everytime you feel that you are getting negative mentally I would instruct you to find some positive action you can make that will lead to a positive result. Keep dwelling on positive thoughts and let the negative ones arise and pass away. This should relieve some repression of desire and allow you to develop a habit of thinking positive when something negative happens.
You want to turn on and turn off desire when appropriate. When you become goal oriented towards a worthy goal the motivation comes from dwelling on positive things related to your goal. The longer you dwell on it the more likely the desire will come in and motivation happens on it's own no different than when you dwell on a product you want to buy and need zero willpower to buy it. Think about the positive things about having a good conversation with family and friends. Use anger as energy to deal with obstacles in a positive manner. Eg. If I was an alcoholic and I got angry at myself because of it I can use that energy (including guilt) to stop drinking as opposed to feeling sorry for myself. Anger doesn't have to be self-destructive, sadness etc. These emotions simply have to be understood. All emotions have beliefs behind them and when distorted beliefs are corrected by real experience the emotions right themselves.
Keep this in mind when you do a meditation practice. As another meditator on this forum instructed me: "Engage in life".
Very insightful post. I have read it three times but I am extremely tired and don't feel like I can fully understand it at the moment. So I will wait until tomorrow to write a thoughtful response. Thank you very much for the detailed response.
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I would also like to thank everyone who has posted and helped me so far. I cannot express my gratitude towards you all. This journey has been a life altering experience, both for the better and worse. I know I am not very far at all, but am extremely excited to continue on and see where things go.
Jake