thanks to Daniels Ingram MTCB book and descriptions of Three Doors I was able to complete cycle of insight. If it was SE or OR I don't know but what I do know things change for the better in many ways
big change in default state which is now something I only had flashes of before with no watcher at all, just pure experience. Things became bigger and better defined by not having to carry illusion of myself in them. By better defined I mean both synesthesia is stronger and general sense of those things (by things I mean pretty much everything from physical things to thoughts or flashes of vibrations). It's like before I was watching all of this through dirty window from far away and now without window at all and being pretty close to everything
another change is in spontaneous bliss flowing in my head. Before I had it like few a month and now it can happen multiple times during a day, at least once a day. This bliss have electric taste (like licking battery) that is also sweet and have multiple colors in it. Sometimes it appears with a 'click' sensation and change in perception and sometimes it flows gradually but it also make switch in perception. And now it all is much clearer and stronger
Another change is that I can go back to "watcher mode" and it pretty much works decreasing synesthesia, making things appear to be further away and "I" appears in every single thing to make illusion there is an permanent "I". From here I could probably deepen this state and go even further "back" to how things were before all those changes but I don't feel ready for such trip. I will make it but I probably have to train concentration first. As I understand Once Returner return to "human form" once and to me this watcher state I had in the past is what human form means (I do not believe in live after death bullshit and to my best knowledge Buddha didn't believed it either) so I pretty much have to do it. It is true especially because I feel in my guts there is important lesson to be learned from that. Though I don't really know if I am ready or not yet. If I attained only Stream Entry then I should probably wait with it. But I think I could be Once Returner already because I did had fruitions before and my current state pretty much cleaned up state I had eg. month ago and it is vastly different than few years ago in many many ways.
There is interesting effect when I start doing concentration practice. When deeply in this no-self state all colors are saturated, shiny and very blissful and if then I start concentratin on breath strange thing happen: saturation of colors decrease considerably and everything start have this white-pale look to it and also it's taste is exactly the same as I felt before doing samatha meditation but before it was only around where I was concentrated and now everything changes like everything was accepting this shift concentration do much more willingly now. And it's much easier to stay concentrated now than before. Mental taste of samatha meditation I would describe rather "pleasant" as "blissful" is too strong. Though there is some relief in this state in a way it reduces pain. Because fact is that pain didn't go away after this attainment. Quite opposite it is much cleared now and somewhat sharper. Appear stronger but it is much more beareable than before because it is only pain. It's not directly affecting me because there is no really me to be affected by it, it's just pain just as bliss is just bliss. Pain can be next to bliss and both be experienced at once. And as for bliss there is plenty of that to go around. It have to burst from time to time even during work time when doing things that are far from fascinating and where there are no colors at all. It appears that having no self is most blissful thing to brain. Now who would have guessed that? ;)
What do you guys think? SE, OR or I am just plain crazy?
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There is actually some preliminary research about this! http://www.drrogerwalsh.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Can-Synaethesia-Be-Cultivated_Walsh.pdf
Big thanks for a link. Good read