| | So it occurred to me to try to open this discussion after work today. In the past few months, and today at work, I've been very twisted with the notion of social mannerisms. This post might seem bizarre or insignificant, but it's still interesting to me, and I'm just assuming others have dealt with this on some level, after enough practice (can't remember who posted it, but for example, someone posted about how their friends grabbed them after the dance floor cleared and he/she was just standing there, spacing out at the lights). I don't really know precisely how meditation has changed my life, but in any case, there is a very obvious change in how I feel in social settings. People are constantly doing things in social settings that (I'm assuming) they wouldn't do otherwise. Such as... touching their hair, bouncing on their heels, bouncing in some way or another, tapping fingers, nodding and moving eyes about when being talked to... etc...
So I've noticed that I really don't have a tendency to do these things anymore. When people talk to me, when I realize the tendencies they have in social settings, I realize that I'm... uh... standing there, almost stone still, with a stone face, and an unwavering gaze towards them. And then the thought comes... is it weird that they are buzzing with these social tendencies, and I'm just standing here like a stone gargoyle? I find myself unnaturally emulating these social mannerisms just so people get the impression that I'm friendly, easygoing, etc., which I feel is true anyways, but it just feels like they like to see those little things going on, like it makes them feel more comfortable or whatever. I find myself making small laughs, making small talk, etc... just to fill in these moments where I'm stone-gargoyle like. Stone-gargoyle-ness isn't a bad thing to me, and I think it's a much more calm place to be, rather than bouncing around with all these nervous habits. So, part of me thinks, okay, I feel just fine being still and silent while listening, staring directly at a person, fully present. But another part of me says, artificially adopt the social mannerisms, since it makes people feel more like there is a like-minded, socially compassionate, fellow human, rather than appearing to be some cold, lifeless, emotionless robot. Because I can definitely tell that some people find the stone-gargoyle me to be slightly odd and possibly offsetting in social settings.
It's a humorous situation in a way, and also odd to find myself suddenly thinking about these things. To those who have gotten paths or to those who have felt some serious changes in social mannerisms after enough practice, what is your philosophy on this? Once you uninstall a bunch of unconscious tendencies from the computer, which ones do you still consciously run just to facilitate a sense of solidarity? (For example, Kenneth Folk seems to appear as a robot when he speaks, being reserved, cautious and slow, whereas Daniel Ingram seems to be much more high-energy, fast paced, and emotionally expressive, just trying to get it all out) |