Anu De Abrew:
First of all, I have not taken any instructions from any school or monastery. Neither have I been to any external retreats. Mostly I affirm my achievements through the knowledge gained from reading and through intuition I gain through meditation and sati.
What have you been reading, if I might ask? That can be crucial to a person's development, depending upon the instruction they've been exposed to.
The fact that you are in contact with your intuition is a point in your favor! And will serve you well if you are able to listen to it and discern when it's telling you the truth. When something doesn't feel right, you can bet that your intuition will be there to tell you first.
Anu De Abrew:
Right now, as I have mentioned in my first question, I have gained the 2nd jhana, but I have not been able to maintain the absorption for any longer than 30 mins. The first few times I experienced jhana was through effort without any expectation and it happened spontaneously. Then when I knew I could gain it pretty much every time I sat down, I had this background notion that gaining a jhana each time is a must and if I couldn't, its a let down which ultimately leads to frustration and disappointment. Lately with the help of you all, I have been able to handle the ego's need to gain a jhana to a certain extent.
If you look upon
dhyana as a tool to be used to help recondition the mind to become more mindful as well as to develop concentration and don't become overly fascinated by it, then you will be on safe ground. The fact that you now know what it feels like to enter absorption – and are able to achieve it when you're able to remain focused on achieving it – so soon in your practice is a plus. With the proper focus on practice, it can speed up your progress on the eightfold path.
The point about using
dhyana as a tool to help recondition the mind cannot be emphasized to strongly. As soon as I realize that, it became the main impetus behind why I looked forward to meditation each day. In the morning, it is a way to set the mind in the correct stance (mindfulness) for taking on the day, and in the evening it helps one to unwind (using insight) from the stresses of the day. The whole of the teaching comes down to being able to "see things as they are" in relation to how they stack up against
anicca,
dukkha, and
anatta, and how well one is able to translate that into a useful mindful response to the events happening in their life. That, and being able to watch how the mind processes (psychologically and emotionally) events that occur in life, are both instrumental in being able to let go of
dukkha in one's life.
Anu De Abrew:
The 2nd challenge is when I get to the first jhana now, it immediately trigger to release a set of thoughts like "oh its happening" and then it sets in a sort of an agitation which then delays the jhana from happening.
That's a normal mental response to your reaction of recognizing that it is happening. You have to remain equanimous about its occurrence when it is happening in order to avoid that delaying action. The equanimity towards its occurrence will usually develop as you lose your fascination with being able to enter
dhyana at will. When it becomes "old hat," in other words. In the beginning, though, it can be quite a novelty and fascinating. But to overcome the reaction pattern you describe, you must lose the fascination with it, as you realize that it is just like breathing. Nothing special.
Anu De Abrew:
The quality of the daily practice varies. On the week days after I come back from work and sit down for a meditation, I find that the mind is a storm and its literally a monkey mind, after the mind has its tantrum then the body gets tired and tends to fall asleep. But on the weekends Jhana is guaranteed if I sit down for 30mins to 1 hour. This is also a disappointment because I cant seem to find consistency in my achievements.
Until you are able to strengthen mindfulness (
sati), the inconsistencies in practice will prevail. Be patient. And keep practicing meditation, regularly. Generally, at least twice a day for an hour each time if you are able to arrange it (once in the morning and evening are ideal). If you aren't able to get in an hour, do at least half an hour and work up to one hour if need be. The more you practice, the better you become, eventually.
Anu De Abrew:
My ultimate goal is not reaching jhana, but I seem to be very captivated by it. My ultimate goal is the same as some one who wants to end suffering in this life it self.
If that is your goal, then I would advise that you
not become too enamored with what anyone else besides Gotama has to say about the teaching and practice. At least in the beginning. It is his original method and training that you should be seeking and not someone else's idea of what that might be. It is all too easy to become enamored by writers who profess to teach what "the Buddha" taught, but who leave out important details. Once you become familiar with the basic teachings, you should be less vulnerable to reading material that does not emphasize those points.
In this vein, it is best to find and read the translated discourses to find out first hand what it was he taught and how he taught it. If you need some reading material suggestions, you can find some at this thread:
Essential Books from Theravadin Resources.
Anu De Abrew:
Without a proper teacher its difficult for me to start insight on my own, so until I find one I thought I would stick to samadhi.
While it is advisable to have someone with whom you are able to converse face to face, as it were, in order to sort through misunderstandings in a more efficient way, there are now some very helpful books (like Analayo's
Satipattana, The Direct Path to Realization) that can help with the process of insight meditation. So, keep an open mind about that.
The most important thing is not so much having a teacher (Gotama is the teacher) or someone to help interpret and break down what it was he taught, but rather in having and following correct instruction. By correct, I mean, instruction that you actually need to focus upon in order to achieve liberation. Had I been given correct instruction in the beginning of my journey, it wouldn't have taken nearly thirty years to achieve the goal. As it was, once I began to focus like a laser on reading and dissecting the suttas, it only took seven years to achieve the goal from that point.
People think that they can reduce the practice to a few simple practice approaches in order to realize what Gotama realized. Perhaps for some, the very intelligent, this might be possible. Yet, for the vast majority, if they leave out a lot of what was originally taught, it has a real effect on what they eventually accomplish or don't accomplish with the practice.
Anu De Abrew:
Also I have been reading Ian and's posts which helped me but there seem to be a lot that I need to discover on my own to relate to his content.
Yes, there is a lot there in that Jhana thread that one needs to experience for themselves so that they can see what is being referred to from first hand experience. There is also a lot there that will answer questions that arise during this process, hopefully to save the reader time in overcoming these practice questions.