[editing, hold on]
...
And as far as I can tell you didn't. Then again your posts are very indirect, and while they never fail to make me chuckle, I usually can't really be sure what you are saying
Okay. So let's get this.
For me it's not a problem of finding "know" just of finding a "know" that doesn't fall down and shatter with the slightest investigation. I could try and stop investigating (again) but that has always been a losing battle in my experience and now I just can't muster up the strength to fight it again. I just don't have enough motivation to try out new "knows". I am ok with this (at this moment) even if no one else is.
No, I'm okay with this. Yes, in a buddhist frame, this is knowing obviously impermanence. Yeah?
I do get that chasing new "knows" can be just weird and deflating after seeing the impermanence of things, like exasperatedly picking from some lists of "what to do?" "What do people do now?"
So starting over...
You're alive, and wondering what's worth doing, if anything.
So when you want to know what is worth doing, do you mean in terms of practice (like the buddhist meditation you've been doing, I guess) or activity in life?
I get the impression that it's both (is a) the practice of meditation worth doing and is b) life outside of bed worth doing?) in that the practice is really one activity in life except that it holds the expectation/assurance from others that buddhist meditation can somehow cause other activities in life to be better or somehow be enlightened?
So to re-cap all "knows" to-date shatter under your investigation; they don't hold up.
So "knows" are impermanent, but "don't know" is as you say:
If I stay in the middle and just say "I don't know" then I end up in a strange space. Sometimes I try and resolve the "don't know" by saying that if I don't know i might as well just go for nirvana because what have I got to lose..? Sometimes I try and resolve it by arguing that it doesn't matter whether I experience eternal happiness or eternal suffering. I argue to myself that the observer of reality gets used to pleasure or pain as equals, and that if there at some point is no observer then it doesn't matter whether there is pleasure or pain because who would care. This resolution seems forced as well.
How not to be frozen due to both "not knowing" and so far your finding that what is known is not stable, not reliable ?
Then if things are impermanent, they are not worth your time/doing/attention/study?
And what is the cause of worth?
And I'm not asking for/looking for a foregone conclusion. I think your consideration in your letter to Jed that "this might not work" (buddhist meditation) is excellent, doubting it, knowing that you doubt it. At the same time, you're clearly investigating what is doubted --- is the practice of meditation/self-study worthwhile? On some base(s) that's what has worth here at this moment, motivating the thread and respondents.