sawfoot _:
2) Outside of retreat settings and meditation it feels like the DN stages are a big non-linear mess, and so looking for extractness seems like a hopeless endeavour.
I think it's a big non-linear mess, because the cycles of multiple things can occur concurrently. However, at the same time, from my very limited experiences, I seemed to be cycling through some similar events every 4 months or so (at least for one of the cycles I am monitoring, and I could be my bias as well). It always starts from fear (which usually is not very hard to identify and very obvious during the sit). Then, something that would be characterized as loss or something I miss would happen (unexpectedly having to go to the place I miss or someone I'm depending on might be leaving/ getting sick). That usually follows with events after events that concentrate within a week just to say the same harsh I-don't-want-to-hear messages. That can take a couple of days to be able to accept and get sort of functioning again. But then, sometimes that lead the arising of existential questions like "Why are we here?" During this phase, I usually find gratitude practice very helpful. Then, I would feel quite equanimous again but then at this point, I would generally be very busy to care about all those questions. All I care about then would be to wrap up everything I'm currently doing before, for example, vacation comes or going on a retreat, etc.
This cycle, of course, overlaps with the running previous cycle, and fear can alternate with the feeling of anger (probably indicating re-observation stage), followed by over-confidence of early equanimity. And I still can't figure out the stages that gratefulness lie (I mean this can just occur in the mind).
sawfoot _:
And these experiences just look like the experiences of everyday life to me.
Yes, they can seem like the experiences of everyday life, but when things usually concentrate within certain period of time or occur in the same order, that could feel more then everyday life. Afterall, I think insight practice occurs through everyday life experience anyway. At least, that's true for me anyway (from a couple of my data points). Since I think my existential fear involves a lot in career. My progress in career (or ending of something there) seems to coincide with how far I progress with my insight practice. I don't think that would be true for everyone, especially if you come to meditation later on in your life, but that just seems to be the way it is for me. Well ... and as for how fast I can work on progress in career, I seem to have no control over. That just relies too much on other people/ many factors, so I guess I will just let it be ...