Thanks Travis, and sorry for the late reply, hope you didn't think I was ignoring you I've just been away without access to the internet.
No problem Sam. Even if you were ignoring me that's fine. Everything I post/advise is an attempt at helping. If it doesn't help I don't mind that you ignore it or don't use it!
While away I have been reading 'Focused and Fearless' and I'm beginning to understand just how hardcore these Buddhists and their practices are. I realise that to get jhana will probably(?possibly?) take more time and perseverance than I can currently give to it. However I have the nagging feeling that I don't have enough stability when practicing Vipassana alone. Perhaps this is incorrect (some doubting mara) on my part.
This is definitely a belief I share. Now, again, I have never had jhana arise. However, I've made an honest effort at the practice and realized that for many people, in order to have jhana arise, many consistent hours of meditation are required.
As I understand, practicing Vipassana, specifically the noting variant, will develop a different type of concentration than Shamatha. The principle reasons I wanted to make the shift is that I've felt I don't have enough stability for Vipassana. I've read MTCB and others, been on several Vipassana retreats, in which it seemed to be suggested that this type of concentration is enough. What I want is SE but I've been frustrated by not reaching it. I can't blame the method as I probably haven't been consistent enough, and may just as easily run into the same problems after some Shamatha practice (which as I think back is true).
Yeah, I want SE as well. I've thought many times that I don't have the concentration needed in order to reach the higher vipassana jhanas, but apparently I do and I'm sure you do as well.
I took one entire day to do concentration meditation (I meant to do a week but got extremely restless) with the goal of having jhana arise. On the second day I 'gave up'. I figured I was done and was also extremely tired of trying so hard. At that point I reached the point of no return; the Arising and Passing of phenomenon, or A&P. If you can reach the A&P Sam, you'll be very close to SE. The reason why I told you this story is because I was very discouraged for the longest time. I thought the same thing you did,
But it's also slightly discouraged me to go for something which I don't think I have the time for.
I felt like this many times, believe me. And if I could talk to my former self, I'd tell myself to go talk to a professional like Kenneth Folk, Daniel Ingram or Beth Folk via Skype for a good 45min or so and talk with them about where you think you are. They'll help you consider things like, perhaps you've already passed the A&P once, maybe you've experienced Equanimity, etc.
Off-cushion there is loads of mindfulness based stuff I play withand feel has improved my quality of life. But on cushion I need to pick and knuckle down. I'm thinking Travis that you are suggesting get back to Vipassana and though I'm still somewhat on the fence I'm starting to agree.
Just some questions to consider (not necessarily for me to know), these mindfulness practices off cushion, are they aimed towards SE? I had mentioned before that the theme of this website is to not lose your meditation object as much as possible. I'm getting the feeling from my teacher and everyone else I talk to that if you want SE and you want to use the Mahasi technique of noting, note constantly. As much as possible. As another member suggests 'think of your meditation alarm as a position change, not the end of meditation. For 30min here you're sitting, meditating. After those 30min you're walking, meditating. After walking, you're eating and meditating, etc.
Also, why such a strong leaning towards jhana? Be honest with yourself on this part. I realized I wanted jhana because of how cool it sounded, how blissful and peaceful it could be. This reason is exactly why jhana didn't arise for me. I realized that if I truly want peace that will last
off cushion, vipassana meditation is what I need to do.
Once I realized how serious everyone was being about how simple the practice is, I took it to heart which is what I think everyone who wants SE should do. Note everything you can. Feeling doubt? Note it. If you're feeling extra doubtful or whatever consider talking to a teacher. They add loads to the quality of meditation, at least they do for me. In my experience (and Kenneth says this on several of his sites), theoretically, if one could note constantly at every second, as many experiences of reality as one can (not stressfully), one would walk straight to Equanimity and to the Three doors leading to Nirvana.
Again, I'm not a professional at all. I haven't achieved SE or jhana, and I can barely recognize any of the stages I progress through. So take what I say in regards to the stages with a grain of salt. With that being said, there is nothing I want more than to help others, especially reaching SE or awakening. I'm more than willing to offer any of my experiences, knowledge or opinions if you think they will help. If it's not helping, don't use it. If it is helping, use it.