hi Travis;
Travis Gene McKinstry:
First off let me say... thank you for taking the time... I don't take any of it for granted.
That being said, I was wondering if someone might be able to tell me if what I'm experiencing is the dark night. I've heard it be said before that I can self-diagnosis if I know the right characteristics/stages, I've also heard it be said that only 'I' can be the judge of such experiences. All that aside, what is your opinion of the following;
I woke up this morning and it was ridiculously difficult to concentrate on anything. Every time I tried to note my sensations or be aware of them my mind would trail off into thoughts, it seemed, almost immediately. All day I've felt a little upset, fearful, anxious, frustrated (cause I can't focus), and all around not 'stable'. I understand one should learn to not put importance or identification in these thoughts/feelings, but this is pretty overwhelming and it's hard to practice with this lingering in the background (but mostly in the foreground!).
At first read this might seem obviously DN territory. The only reason I doubt it is because of my length of practice with vipassana meditation, which is 10 days. I've got a moderate background in Zen meditation (learning to just be with what is, meaning, being mindful) but have never done meditation for the goal of SE until now.
It's possible for one to progress quickly, I am aware of that. Have I been doing non-stop noting from day one to now? No. I started off meditating maybe 3 hours the first day, while trying to be as aware as I could during those sessions, and progressed to about 5 hours a day.
No bitterness meant, just trying to be crystal clear.
First off you, everyone,
should know that I don't take the same approach to any of this as many people here do.
This is to say I do not see meditation as 'a developmental path to enlightenment'. I take a very 'classical', back to basics approach, that can be most readily described as the naturalistic approach. Think of me as 'like' an owl, sitting in a tree, or a scorpion, dug into the sand. I can teach you what anyone who contemplates 'nature' can teach you.
If you find dealing with yourself as if you are some kind of a machine, that can be 'upgraded' or 'modified' or some kind of a commodity or product that can be 'processed', then I well understand where you are coming from but I do not 'live' my 'life'
this way.
I see the Buddha as a man who spent most of his life lying, sitting or standing in the jungle or walking around in the open countryside. It may be preferable for people today to see 'themselves' as commodities to be processed into products to be marketed and consumed by 'themselves' but I would still prefer to either sleep naked under the stars or to walk the cold streets of some urban graveyard and go door to door begging like any other homeless madman must today.
So, for me, meditation is not some 'linear' 'process' that I sit down and pass through like some old coke bottle on an assembly line. For me, meditation is a practice which long ago became ''a way of life".
What this means is that all five of my senses and my mind are open to my awareness 24/7, 365 days a year and it does not ever just "turn off" unless I basically beat my head with a brick - which will 'sometimes' work and sometimes I just see a few sparks.
Anyways.
As I see, know and understand the Path of Insight the goal to aim for is Conformity Knowledge. As I understand this, Conformity Knowledge is taken to mean that everything you are aware of, internally, externally, by means of every sense available to you "Conforms" to the same "Universal" "Truths" or Laws or Principles or Dhamma or Dharma.
Hope this is a useful view and a helpful orientation for you. It may not be where you are at right now but it serves well as a guideline for practice and will prevent much bigger obstacles from arising when you are further along this shining path.
your friend in Dhamma
nathan /// triplethink
Travis Gene McKinstry:
I see your logic in the order of my practice. It seems like a better idea to do what you suggested. I'll try that.
I've been 'practicing' for about 6 years but actually INTENTLY practicing with stream-entry in mind for a couple of months.
Where do I think I am? To be completely honest I have full faith (I believe) in the teachings but I feel a bit lost on what insight meditation actually is, as in what I'm actually noting/looking for and the path of progress. Meaning, do I keep noting until stream-entry or do I change it as I progress?
I don't have too much experience in meditation, and I have a strong background in the actual teachings. I'm 22, very motivated, and practical.
I meditate everyday for at least 10 minutes but have never actually sat for any longer than 45min.