| | Hi, all dhamma brothers & sisters,
I would really appreciate your candid opinion/suggestion/advice. I am seriously contemplating of getting a hair transplant in the very near future. Now please don't brush this post off as trolling. It is not. You might wonder why the hell would someone post something like this here? Well, I will explain.
First, my meditation background. I have been practicing in Mahasi method of vipassana like many members here for years. But I still haven't crossed A&P as of yet. I have been attending retreats almost every year for the duration of 2-4 weeks. And I am scheduled to attend one soon. My concentration has been improving steadily for the past several months. I can note the different variations within sensation in one area for up to several minutes or more without wondering off. The thoughts do come every now and then but they just bounce off and do not penetrate and disrupt my concentration. I can feel the repeated cycles of sensations rising and then breaking into small particles and then disappear into vibration. When my focus doesn't get lost and is strong and steady, a sense of peacefulness takes over. And that feels good! I have confirmed with the sayadaws of my experience of 3C years ago at the retreat. After that I certainly felt the change in my attitude toward general things in life. I was able to let go and detach myself from things I was attached to (but not all, as I found out later).
My hair started thinning about 20 years ago. I wasn't a buddhist back then, and of course, I was horrified with the first sign of hair loss! But luckily I still had enough hair to cover the thinning area and was able to get by as a person with hair. Later on in life, I became a buddhist and eventually hooked up with insight meditation. It wasn't until recently that my hair loss has become so apparent that my scalp became visibly clear. Now I don't have much hair left to cover/hide the balding spot. I have to admit, despite reaping benefits from insight meditation practice, I am not ready to be bald! I do not want to be bald! I can't stand being bald! Luckily, the technology in hair transplant industry has improved so much that many balding men/women can restore their lost hair and look as natural as they can be. And I have found a good hair transplant surgeon after some research. So, what is the problem here?
Well, the problem is this inner guilt I feel about getting the hair transplant. Impermanence is one of the three characteristics and the first insight the meditator gets to experience. Changes taking in our physical body (including hair loss) is certainly the best way to observe the ever changing and dissatisfactory nature of our existence. Yes, I still have so much more progress to make in the practice. If I attained SE, or even crossed over A&P and in dark night territory, this hair loss probably wouldn't even be an issue. But due to lack of advancement in the path and still with much defilements, if I can change the look of myself, I would do it.
Among my buddhist friends, I am looked upon as a devoted and serious meditator. And I am! But the thought of having the hair transplant for the sake of better appearance seems to run totally contrary to the whole insight meditation practice. I have been almost preaching my friends and families about how experiencing impermanence has enabled me to let go of my attachments to general things in life. But to get a hair transplant would be completely contradicting myself and I would literally be a hypocrite. But I have to admit, my look (losing hair) really bothers me. Hair loss can really do number on you. I cannot blame anyone getting any kind of hair treatment since I clearly know the suffering caused by the hair loss. As a meditator, you have to overcome that. But I cannot! Not at this point.
I can make an appointment and get the hair transplant anytime as I please, but by doing so, I'd be torn for the guilt and shame that I have failed in my practice.
Many thoughts cross my mind. With today's improved technology, having a transplant is really no big deal. You no longer have to accept your baldness as fate. Now you can treat and reverse the baldness so, what's wrong with getting the transplant? But then again, I am a meditator! I should be able to accept it as the nature of impermanence and try to overcome this defilement with continued practice!
I would sincerely appreciate your thoughts or advices on this matter. Especially anyone with hair loss, I would like to hear your opinions. Thanks in advance. |