Eric's Practice Log [Eric M W]
Eric M W - 2014-04-07 17:29:22 - Eric's Practice Log
I felt that making a practice log would give me some more motivation to meditate on a regular basis, so here it is.
Long term goal:
4th PathCurrent goal:
Stream entryMy current practice consists mainly of soft jhana/metta for sanity purposes.

I also dabble in second gear type practices with an emphasis on anatta, eg Maharishi's self-enquiry, some Tibetan "peaceful abiding" practices, and some of Eckhart Tolle's techniques. This is also mostly for sanity purposes, but it also comes in handy when cushion time is sparse, which it most assuredly is. Flickering impermanence is awesome, but I need some solid cushion time to really get to that point. Adopting a more natural, open, equanimous attitude throughout the day seems to help move things along, and I suspect these techniques helped me cross A&P two years ago.
Practice HistoryI've always been really "into" spirituality for as long as I can remember. When I used to go to church I would always be interested in some of the concepts, especially ones revolving around personal experience of God. My parents attended a Baptist church so personal revelatory experiences like that were rare and often viewed with suspicion. It's almost as if the whole congregation felt that religion is supposed to suck, but somehow it would stop sucking if you read the right holy text and and ended up in heaven.
I was always frustrated when my peers would talk or text during sermons. Why weren't they as interested in this stuff as I was? This was eternity we were talking about! In hindsight, I suspect I may have crossed the A&P when I was really young, because I've always felt I was looking for something. But that's just speculation now.
Fast forward a few years. Christianity is no longer a part of my life, but my interest in personal experiences of a spiritual nature were still there. I became interested in earth-centered traditions, especially because they emphasized travelling out of body to see the spirit worlds for one's self, rather than reading about it in a holy book.
I experimented with lucid dreaming and OBE techniques but had only limited success. I found Robert Monroe's books and found his cosmology fascinating.
At some point I ran into a psychic online who offered to "coach" me. She did, over email, and it worked. I started giving readings online at a reasonable rate of success that often surprised even me. However, while this made me happy, I felt like the experiences were too vague, like there was some kind of wall in my mind that I kept running into. Thus, the efforts to explore lucid dreams and the like continued.
I also began meditating, with the vague expectation that this would somehow sharpen my experiences. I found myself experiencing Mind and Body and soft first jhana. The experiences were so cool that I studied more about Buddhism and Hinduism.
I found and read the first part of MCTB at this point. The three characteristics really caught my attention, and I decided to experiment with some of the techniques and see if I could pick up on them. I guess I must have. I went to bed that night and had a very vivid, colorful dream where I was the Buddha. I was sitting on a hill, and this creepy army of darkness was on another hill. They charged, but instead of running away, I decided to sit down and note them. This decision felt spontaneous and natural. They surrounded me, but as long as I noted them, they couldn't touch me. I realized that they represented reality. As long as I noted reality, it could not cause me suffering. There was a sound like rushing water, and all of reality exploded.
I thought it was a pretty crazy dream. I also felt a little concerned about how it seemed to happen on its own. I hoped I didn't start anything that could not be stopped, but of course, I had.
I never read through the rest of MCTB. We all know what happens after A&P. I didn't realize what had happened or what was about to happen. I also had some pretty difficult ordinary life circumstances. Thus, I got really, really screwed up for a while. I managed to hit EQ last spring by looking at a Huichol mandala. A knot untied in my chest and a fog lifted, and everything sort of became the same thing for a little while.
So, for about a year, I've been in this weird place where I'm technically pre-path, but I'm too far to go back. Thankfully, I re-read MCTB and realized what had been going on all this time.
If I'm not meditating or relaxing in the sunshine, I very quickly drift into this angsty, bitter place where I feel dark about everything. Not the OMGWTFBBQ dark of the dukkha nanas, but more like a mild depression, where everything is unsatisfying at a deep level.
Oh, and I don't bother with siddhis anymore, the Dark Night kinda messed with that aspect.
Current PracticeLike I said, I'm pre-path, but post A&P and DN, so I'm in a frustrating place. I feel like I don't have a baseline anymore, my mind is just kind of all over the place. My most immediate goal is to cross A&P again and give it another shot, but cushion time is limited. I have three kids and one on the way, and a day job.
At any rate, I look forward to logging some more time on the cushion and posting about it here.
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Dream Walker - 2014-04-07 22:02:59 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
Eric M W:
I experimented with lucid dreaming and OBE techniques but had only limited success. I found Robert Monroe's books and found his cosmology fascinating.
I too liked his concepts. Then I found the work of his student who continued the work/exploration. I recommend it highly but it is a bit long....three books in the series where it could really be edited down to one.
"My Big Toe" by Thomas Campbell check out his youtube ....you'll be hooked...
Youtube Link-------------------
Eric M W - 2014-04-07 23:50:04 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
Dream Walker:
Eric M W:
I experimented with lucid dreaming and OBE techniques but had only limited success. I found Robert Monroe's books and found his cosmology fascinating.
I too liked his concepts. Then I found the work of his student who continued the work/exploration. I recommend it highly but it is a bit long....three books in the series where it could really be edited down to one.
"My Big Toe" by Thomas Campbell check out his youtube ....you'll be hooked...
Youtube LinkOh, I've seen one of his videos before! I was watching videos about consciousness on youtube and one of his popped up, he talked about the double slit experiment and how it shows that this is a virtual reality. Interesting stuff. I had no idea he was TC Physicist, I will have to check out his stuff.
You know, Bob Monroe's views on reincarnation and afterlife environments are very similar to certain Buddhist teachings. For example, "Last Timers" winking out after their final sojourn on earth, and generating escape velocity to escape the space/time illusion.. It's kind of eerie how some of it lines up.
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Dream Walker - 2014-04-08 05:10:37 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
Eric M W:
Dream Walker:
Eric M W:
I experimented with lucid dreaming and OBE techniques but had only limited success. I found Robert Monroe's books and found his cosmology fascinating.
I too liked his concepts. Then I found the work of his student who continued the work/exploration. I recommend it highly but it is a bit long....three books in the series where it could really be edited down to one.
"My Big Toe" by Thomas Campbell check out his youtube ....you'll be hooked...
Youtube LinkOh, I've seen one of his videos before! I was watching videos about consciousness on youtube and one of his popped up, he talked about the double slit experiment and how it shows that this is a virtual reality. Interesting stuff. I had no idea he was TC Physicist, I will have to check out his stuff.
You know, Bob Monroe's views on reincarnation and afterlife environments are very similar to certain Buddhist teachings. For example, "Last Timers" winking out after their final sojourn on earth, and generating escape velocity to escape the space/time illusion.. It's kind of eerie how some of it lines up.
Yes it seems like they do talk about some of the same things. Tom Campbell talks about the Buddhist maps of the 36 non material planes as accurate in his out of body explorations...he goes much further down the rabbit hole than Robert Monroe or Buddhism. I found it very interesting stuff. Bruce Moen is another author that has some good materiel as he was a student of Robert Monroe and continued explorations...not as deep as Tom's stuff though. Tom has a forum on his web site much like here...there are some interesting conversations there. I found the information here about meditation and enlightenment to be much better than Tom's but he goes very far in understanding the greater reality of physical and nonphysical planes.
Good luck,
~D
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Eric M W - 2014-04-19 13:55:25 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
I haven't written much of anything in here. That is because there isn't much to say. The stomach bug made a third pass through our house this past weekend and I seem to be suffering from some kind of chronic nausea. If I stand up and walk around too much, I get queasy. I also have some abdominal cramping, and going number 2 on the toilet is unpleasant. Maybe I need to take some pro-biotics? This sort of constant bodily discomfort is difficult to work with.
I did do some fast choiceless awareness noting yesterday, for about twenty minutes. Oftentimes I get ahead of myself with fast noting, so I alternate with some gentler body scanning practice. I'm not sure if this is a wise thing to do, alternating two techniques in a single sit, but I always find myself doing so.
Interesting things did start to happen. I got some weird tingles and phantom itches, and there were a few points where it felt like someone was pushing on the top of my head and my sinuses, a weird pressure. This seems consistent with the 3rd nana, but that's a little strange because I don't remember passing through the first two. Oh, well, I'm almost ready to throw the maps out at this point.
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Dream Walker - 2014-04-21 23:35:50 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
Eric M W:
This seems consistent with the 3rd nana, but that's a little strange because I don't remember passing through the first two. Oh, well, I'm almost ready to throw the maps out at this point.
Follow your own path not a map. Knowing the map doesn't change what happens in your experiences it just helps put things into perspective. If you find yourself starting from where ever you are...well just do that. Don't try to force it to do the map based "right" things....just check out what is happening right now and at each moment while meditating with as much clarity as you can muster.
Good luck
~D
Edit: and yes, take some probiotics alternate with tumeric, ginger and garlic to kill the bugs.
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Eric M W - 2014-04-22 00:15:32 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
I started a probiotic that seems to be doing the trick, but I will keep those other things in mind in case I need them.
Did about twenty minutes of metta practice today. I can feel a warm spot grow in my chest area, and I take the warmth as an object, but I can't seem to get into jhana this way. I got into brittle, soft first jhana last night using the breath, but then when I switched to metta it went away. I also seem to have a hard time cultivating metta towards myself. Interesting...
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Dream Walker - 2014-04-23 17:20:16 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
Eric M W:
Did about twenty minutes of metta practice today. I can feel a warm spot grow in my chest area, and I take the warmth as an object, but I can't seem to get into jhana this way. I got into brittle, soft first jhana last night using the breath, but then when I switched to metta it went away. I also seem to have a hard time cultivating metta towards myself. Interesting...
Combine the methods....take the warm spot in your chest area and expand it with each inbreath. "may we be filled with loving kindness" I don't bother to individuate myself or other very often....it's about feeling.
Good luck,
~D
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Eric M W - 2014-04-24 23:55:42 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
Between kids, work, and chores, I have a ridiculously short amount of time per day for formal meditation. Daily mindfulness isn't so great either-- I can start being mindful of my body, or my hands, or something of that nature, but then half an hour later I realize I am no longer being mindful.
Right around the time I crossed A&P, this stuff was so easy. I could incline my mind to mindfulness of my body and be filled with warmth. I could visualize an object and see it clearly. My mind would be crisp and clean throughout a sit. I could read about spiritual experiences and feel that I deeply understand them. I guess this is all in keeping with the symptoms of A&P.
Now, meditation is boring and difficult, even when I do have time for it. I have a lot on my plate as far as daily life is concerned and that just adds to the frustration. I seem to alternate between primal frustration and spiritual inspiration of some kind... Man, I'd cut my left hand off just to A&P again and get back on the ride.

I need more structure, I think. I've picked up the Mahamudra meditation manual from Spirit Rock again and am starting on the second practice cycle-- investigating mind itself. What is its shape, what is its color, etc. I've always had a proclivity towards the mind and the thought sense door. Now if only I can stay awake and pay attention to reality...
I can still hit first jhana fairly regularly, if my mind is clean enough. It's nice, but it feels fake.
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Droll Dedekind - 2014-04-25 18:00:18 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
Have you tried noting during the day? Whenever you remember, try a two to three minute burst of concentrated noting. Doing this at least three times a day does wonders for establishing mindfulness and removing built up tensions/ganglia.
Good luck on hitting the A&P again!
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Dream Walker - 2014-04-25 22:02:49 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
Eric M W:
Between kids, work, and chores, I have a ridiculously short amount of time per day for formal meditation. Daily mindfulness isn't so great either-- I can start being mindful of my body, or my hands, or something of that nature, but then half an hour later I realize I am no longer being mindful.
Set a timer ap that rings every 15 minutes thruout the day on your phone to remind yourself to get back to mindfulness. I play with Noopept sometimes to increase daily mindfulness.
Formal meditation consistancy is the key...let evyone know your schedule and then stick to it...they will help remind you after a while.
Eric M W:
Right around the time I crossed A&P, this stuff was so easy. I could incline my mind to mindfulness of my body and be filled with warmth. I could visualize an object and see it clearly. My mind would be crisp and clean throughout a sit. I could read about spiritual experiences and feel that I deeply understand them. I guess this is all in keeping with the symptoms of A&P.
Dark night is not fun...it doesn't seem like your getting anywhere...but you are. keep it up and get to EQ. It's better than A&P in some ways. Contentment and deep stresslessness is a fantastic reward for getting out of Re-Ob.
Eric M W:
Now, meditation is boring and difficult, even when I do have time for it. I have a lot on my plate as far as daily life is concerned and that just adds to the frustration. I seem to alternate between primal frustration and spiritual inspiration of some kind... Man, I'd cut my left hand off just to A&P again and get back on the ride.

Ha Ha...good luck choreographing this....what happens happens...start with whereever you are....you can't start anywhere else.
Eric M W:
I need more structure, I think. I've picked up the Mahamudra meditation manual from Spirit Rock again and am starting on the second practice cycle-- investigating mind itself. What is its shape, what is its color, etc. I've always had a proclivity towards the mind and the thought sense door. Now if only I can stay awake and pay attention to reality...
well if noting got you here keep on keeping on...it is frustrating and you may wish for another tool in the DN but this is usually because nothing feels like anything is happening...but it is...keep with it.
Eric M W:
I can still hit first jhana fairly regularly, if my mind is clean enough. It's nice, but it feels fake.
ya, the DN can make it feel a bit miserable and disgusting but really focus on the bliss and positive stuff that comes with it...it is helpful to counteract this stuff.
Good luck,
~D
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Eric M W - 2014-04-26 22:41:52 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
Thanks to everyone for the encouragement. It is very much appreciated.

I would gauge my baseline state of being as a mix between needing to find something and primal frustration... not OMGWTFBBQ primal frustration like Re-Observation, but more subtle, like even the most enjoyable things seem to be lacking something fundamental.
I admit that I have done very little noting or any kind of formal meditation over the past few weeks. I feel defeated, like there is no way I can pull this off without some kind of big retreat, which is simply not going to happen given my situation. But, I try to remind myself that I made it all the way to EQ without much time spent meditating or even knowing what was going on, so I must have what it takes.
I did some choiceless awareness noting at various points today. I feel MUCH better after I do this. I had a few phantom itches and pains crop up, but they were duly noted. My attention also wandered off into la-la land a few times, but I noted the thoughts when I caught myself.
My plan is to turn off the computer and just do some breath awareness instead of hiding in the internet like I usually do... we shall see what happens. I will also try some dream yoga tonight, if I'm not too tired, but I admit I rarely have success with it, probably because my concentration is pretty dull.

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Eric M W - 2014-05-01 11:00:15 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
I had about a thirty minute sit this morning, interrupted sporadically by my son. He was up late and up early, so I am pretty sleep deprived, but at least I had time for some meditation.
I started out cultivating metta towards my son. I had some warmth arise in my abdomen, but it was faint. I switched to breath awareness and then let my attention widen to include all sense doors. I noted "that" for everything that arose. My mind wandered a few times, but never more than a minute or so before I was able to recognize the wandering, note it, and return.
I alternated between the rising/falling of the abdomen and choiceless awareness. I noticed that it was almost impossible not to control the breath. I seemed unable to let it happen naturally.
Towards the end of the sit I had some odd pressures and itches. My concentration was lagging somewhat so I had a hard time staying with them, though I was generally able to note them. I also realized that I was being too narrow and effortful; I toned things down and was able to briefly take on a more relaxed, open perspective on the whole sensate field. This was much nicer and seemed to bring more clarity.
The sit ended with some weak jhanic stuff that arose on its own-- warmth in the abdomen and spine, mostly. I focused on the flickering behind my closed eyes and, if I kept my concentration up, they seemed to form a faint ring of blue light that was flashing, as if it were made of electricity. I am unable to tell if this was merely an altered state from the act of concentrating on my eyelids, or if it was a transition to a new insight stage. Time will tell.
Hoping to get some more sleep tonight, but monks usually don't sleep more than five or six hours a night, as advocated by the Buddha... Maybe there's something to this sleep deprivation thing?
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No-Second-Arrow Z - 2014-05-02 11:50:15 - RE: Eric's Practice Log
Eric M W:
Hoping to get some more sleep tonight, but monks usually don't sleep more than five or six hours a night, as advocated by the Buddha... Maybe there's something to this sleep deprivation thing?
Hi there. My kids somehow turned into adults (but still live at home), but i remember how tired I was when they were little. I remember one day I decided to stop counting how many hours of sleep I got, because it only made me feel sorry for myself.

Anyway, I don't think we - as lay people - should compare ourselves to monks and nuns, because we have a totally different life style. We have kids to raise, drive cars, do endless amounts of shopping and have demanding jobs. Every person is different in the amount of sleep they need, but it's probably more than what monks need.
I'm not sure I would go on a road trip with a monk who had three or four hours of sleep on a regularly basis.