| | Thank you for the advice Daniel. I think what you say is what I've been doing lately in that I have been trying hard to maintain the position of the neutral observer, so I will certainly try to implement your advice.
As far as how I know for certain I got stream entry, the short answer is I don't, that is I've never been dharma diagnosed by a teacher if you will. What leads me to believe this is about a year ago I really ramped up my practice for a few months (at least 3 hours a day, and at least 5 a day on weekends). Approximately a year before that, I crossed the A and P and went into a dark night after a 10 day Goenka course. I am pretty certain of that. I believe I crossed the A and P before that while not formally meditating as well, about 5 years before at the Western Wall. The stages I went through seemed to follow the stages in Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha and the descriptions of those on this site. In terms of Jhanas, it was after I began to notice formations in my practice. Things that would happen before might be during my meditation, I would notice a bird chirp outside, and there was no differentiation between the bird, the chirp, and my body. It all seemed to be part of the same terrain. At the point I believe I may have got stream entry, I noticed a shift in my perception. It was quite subtle and I might have not noticed the moment itself as something significant had I not read about it. It was different than the A and P in that it didn't feel like an "Oh Wow" type of moment.
After that, I felt a higher ability to feel my feelings fully. I would feel something, happy, sad, whatever it was, but I wouldn't walk around holding on to that feeling. The feeling of I did drop away in the sense that I didn't see myself as a separate permanent being, but in my day to day life, I wouldn't have same sense that I did during meditation of there being absolutely no boundary. The months following my meditations did start with what I believe were A and P phenomenon, usually a Kundalini type energy that would radiate up my spine. I also noticed what seemed to be consistent with fruitions, especially in the days following what I believe to be the stream entry event. I started practicing less frequently than I was.
A few weeks ago I noticed that I seemed to have trouble getting into the first Vipassana jhana. As I practiced more, it became easier to get into it and I started noticing what might be consistent with Vipassana jhana 1 and then 2.
I am in contact with an assistant teacher from the Goenka course. I didn't share my experience, but when I was at her house after a group sitting, I mentioned the topic of stream entry, and she brushed off the idea that anyone could achieve this in regular practice. She felt that arahants come once every maybe 500 years and certainly wouldn't be found in regular life.
In any case, I will continue to practice, but I as a scientist I figure there are 2 distinct possibilities. One is I got stream entry and am now on my second path. The other is that I tricked myself into thinking I got stream entry though suggestion and have simply fallen back to square one as I decreased my sitting frequency. Any input you would have would certainly be appreciated, as this is something I have been curious about since it happened. Thank you for your response. |