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Practice Logs

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
5/8/14 2:12 AM as a reply to Dream Walker.
So the shifts to my baseline from 12/26/13 and the deepening on the 1/17/14 were 3rd path. I have been cycling and just finished my third complete cycle. The first 2 started with body distortions that signaled first jhana/start of the cycle. 3rd path cessations are very different from first path; hardly and bliss wave to speak of. The latest cycle I did not notice I had started until I hit EQ with enough clarity and force to know it wasn't review but the real thing. The ending cessation was clear enough that I caught the stutter before it... then out again and a head nod as if I had fallen asleep but with lots of clarity and no sleepiness. The cessations have so far been very mild in review and hard to see with clarity. I have been spending more and more time off the cushion noticing the panoramic visual field. I mentioned to Daniel that it was hard to stay in this mode while thinking and he said I need to put thought and everything else into this state. That is the current practice. On the cushion it has been just the usual noting and bare awareness when I can. I am contemplating trying to see the controlling aspect of phenomena...trying to pin down exactly which portion/aspect of phenomena includes the agency.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
5/8/14 11:23 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
/ highfive

Here's an odd (and likely hopeless) question: how different is 3rd path from pre-path? What I've been stricken with during 1st path so far is largely how ordinary it all is. Things are clearly better, but in a very matter-of-fact sort of way. Overall, I feel about as "noble" as a sack of nails.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
5/9/14 12:28 AM as a reply to John M..
John M.:
/ highfive

Here's an odd (and likely hopeless) question: how different is 3rd path from pre-path? What I've been stricken with during 1st path so far is largely how ordinary it all is. Things are clearly better, but in a very matter-of-fact sort of way. Overall, I feel about as "noble" as a sack of nails.

On the universal nobility scale between 1-4 I rank 3rd path as a 3. emoticon
There is a bigger difference between 3rd and 1st/2nd as the selfing process that creates a center point, outside diameter and personal bubble are different. I look at my hands typing and they are doing their own thing. I no longer "possess/own" my body like I did before. Intellectually of course I know it is my hand and body. I notice the difference all the time...I reach out to grab a doorknob and observe a hand...driving I am aware of the arms steering kinda on their own. It's only a little weird at first but becomes normal/ordinary quickly. The best part is dwelling in a panoramic viewpoint whenever your not focused on something vs second path where I had to have sustained effort to stay panoramic. So overall kinda big obvious off the cushion changes to the self and reality but not as big and crazy A&P fireworks kinda way...very natural and matter-of-fact sort of way. If you wanna chat post up your email/skype/hangout.
~D

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
5/9/14 1:02 AM as a reply to Dream Walker.
Interesting stuff, appreciate you sharing. I reckon I was just pondering whether or not this process unfolds in such a gradual manner that it becomes difficult to experientally contrast Done and Begun. Sounds like this isn't the case, which is certainly encouraging.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
5/30/14 5:55 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
Still working off the cushion with putting everything into the panoramic view. On the cushion it is still happiness to 2nd vip jhana, metta to third vip jhana, note to 4th and then bare awareness when possible.

May 9th - Was down at the BA being social with friends and I slipped into an altered state of some kind. It was totally new. It was complete quietness....it had attributes of equanimity but way, way more quietness I've ever experienced.  The stress center of the the brain was completely disconnected and everything fell away. I did not analyze it at the time as I know from experience that is a sure way to kill it. I just grooved with it as it seemed the most normal and easy way to experience the world. It faded away in minutes and I speculate it may be either super hard walk around EQ jhana, PCE or preview of 4th path. Many weird things happen once but I'd sure like to live in this mode.

May 23rd - Went and got a hug from Amma. (Mātā Amṛtānandamayī Devī) This is the second time. The energy in "her" section of the hotel was very noticeable to me as I walked down the hall. The conference room ratcheted up the energy and when she came in it bumped up again. Hella Metta.  Just joined in and added my drop to the ocean. Whee. Very nice. Got in line and got giddy as I got closer. The closer I got to her the stronger it was. I got a very nice long hug from her and then hung out beside in the meditation area. After effects....it feels like I got my Metta pipe scrubbed out and stretched. Metta practice in a group is like twice as intense and super easy to get going now. Heart chakra nice and open with little effort to open. Thanks Amma.

May 30th -Finished up another cycle today...this is the fourth. I didn't really notice the nanas....kinda felt like DN for the last couple of days....very very tired but not the depression I'm used to...so nice that since third path that depression has lifted so much and when it does hit it seems to pass in a couple days and be so less intense that I gotta really look at it to diagnose DN territory.  So the cessation happened during the usual morning meditation at the gym. I was screwing around in the sauna and not really trying too hard....then finally got all warm and the sweat drips pulled me into a nice place to vipassana the sensations of the tickle of each drip as usual. The sauna always does this so effortlessly I love it. Lazy mans entry to noting. I got up to third vip jhana as usual and got out and sat. Kept noting the usual nonstop cacophony that is the gym and then dropped into 4th vip jhana...stress release and calm.....kept noting a little and then faded into a kinda dreamlike state where I saw images/thoughts/formations start blinking and on the ?fourth? blink, BLIP.....back...nice and calm....no bliss wave to speak of, just calm contentedness. Sat with that for a few and then opened my eyes and pushed my headband back and just grooved on the gestalt of now for a few. Got up and fixed their stereo and went home.
~D

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
6/5/14 5:00 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
Interesting phenomenon that has been reoccurring is when hanging out and just hanging in panoramic awareness and staring at the pavement or some other random thing I get this concentric pattern appear overlaying the view. Kinda like when you see a face in an object but with rings. Just thought I'd capture that before I forgot about it.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
6/6/14 4:29 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
Bah, who needs this insight stuff.  How are your journeys into NPMR these days?  Entropy going down?  

On a somewhat unrelated note, if you attain to NS within two weeks I will give you a quarter.  It's a lucky quarter.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
6/18/14 5:37 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
Fifth cycling of the nanas complete
Last Saturday (Jun 14) I had three blips in one meditation all of them weak. The next day I was in A&P. Very very energetic and alert of every moment of the 40 minute sunday night sit.  I did loving kindness mostly during that one....might as well share the energy. It caused me to sweat drips in a cool room. Moved into dark night Monday with fear but I took it the direction of exhilaration and it was actually fun. Like a roller coaster. As usual It didn't last long. Then the standard heavy vibrations but little misery/depression, just tired and napped heavily that day. Weds - I think I may be back to or close to EQ...dunno.
Started taking a mineral supplement, it seems to agree with me or it's the stage that I'm at....trees and stuff are getting more contrast...like the depth of field is greater and the movements of the leaves doing their thing waving and dancing....kinda like the slightest amount of some hallucinogens do that. I'm enjoying it.
Been playing with spaciousness and teasing out the subtle sensations of this and that. Trying to manipulate it a bit and investigate why things are where they seem to be. Breaking some rules....like making that spin...or flipping that to be moving while driving and this is staying still...trying to put both into the same space....Panoramic view is still my daily off the cushion practice...added jaw dropping wonder/awe to it and it seems to intensify.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
6/19/14 6:19 AM as a reply to Dream Walker.
I'm not really qualified to speak at this level of attainment, but I will say that Daniel mentions that more cycles aren't going to help you when it comes to getting from 3rd to arahatship. It's all about the core processes.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
6/19/14 9:10 AM as a reply to Dream Walker.
how do you interpret your own body movements?
you wrote month ago that you see your hands doing own stuff, ok, I get it, its no-self mode, normal and ordinary dharma perception you should have at 2nd or 3rd path depending on how you cut this enlightenment cake

but can you see that you do really move them? kinda like on the other side of mirror, seeing this is just interpretation and you do not control anything even if this interpretation says otherwise!

I was in no-self, not even being able to exercise single move of my hand. Then I was able to integrate 'self' as not *doer* but *interpreter*. It was BIG IMPROVEMENT, though even if idea is simple and improvement immediate integrating it take time. Its about 9 months and path change now and I still struggle sometimes with seeing stuff clearly... but when I do there is quality to life no no-self, no fruition can never give. Fruition afterglow have short life and wow factor dry quite fast not being able to satisfy while having right view on own mind is just just like perfect satisfaction by no sensations of need for permanence, need for satisfaction and need for it to be more 'self' that it already is and because it is not confused for self or something pernament of being able to satisfy its 3C are known.

Immediately when I try to not use interpreter there is this cycling and fruition potential rising up, like now its possible to have them, it is felt in every sense door, felt as trembling allover the body. There is this overwhelming potential of cycling rising up, to have full blip fruitions and all the stuff. It is felt as trembling of mind generated by lots of seemingly random sensations. Interpreted mode in comparison is always soft, clean and nice. Its like rising above cycling, above fruitions and above all this hard work enlightenment crap itself being closer to enlightenment than any fruition ever was, at the same time being so ordinary, so right, like we were supposed to have this mind mode from the start. What is enlightened in non-experience anyway?

It kinda feels counterintuitive to go 'back' but its something different. There is a lot of suffering when you identify with the process, even more when you struggle to control it. But when you merely see intepretation and know its just interpretation... not much suffering at all. There is more suffering in no-self cause sensations arise and are still interpreted as *your* sensations. In interpreter they are identified as interpretation of something that is happening to interpretation to yourself. It might sound counterintuitive and like putting some layers between self and reality but actually its seeing things as they really are.

Anyhow, wish you good practice emoticon

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
6/19/14 10:50 AM as a reply to Eric M W.
Eric M W:
I'm not really qualified to speak at this level of attainment, but I will say that Daniel mentions that more cycles aren't going to help you when it comes to getting from 3rd to arahatship. It's all about the core processes.
This is just capturing the data points along the way...probably not useful to count the cycles but it is a log.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
6/19/14 10:51 AM as a reply to Paweł K.
Thanks Pawel. lots to think about.
~D

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
6/19/14 11:50 AM as a reply to Dream Walker.
How's NS going anyway? I still have your quarter. Word on the street is the NS afterglow can provide remarkable clarity, if you're lookin' for 4th...

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
6/19/14 1:06 PM as a reply to Eric M W.
Eric M W:
How's NS going anyway? I still have your quarter. Word on the street is the NS afterglow can provide remarkable clarity, if you're lookin' for 4th...
Looks like you'll be keeping the quarter...I keep on getting pulled to work on the permanent shift instead of the temporary states. I do have lots of curiosity about the concentration states, sub jhanas, NS, pure lands etc. but I really want to untie the knot. Perhaps I'll get pulled in that direction later.
~D

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
6/19/14 10:26 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
Dream Walker:
Eric M W:
How's NS going anyway? I still have your quarter. Word on the street is the NS afterglow can provide remarkable clarity, if you're lookin' for 4th...
Looks like you'll be keeping the quarter...I keep on getting pulled to work on the permanent shift instead of the temporary states. I do have lots of curiosity about the concentration states, sub jhanas, NS, pure lands etc. but I really want to untie the knot. Perhaps I'll get pulled in that direction later.
~D
So I was reading Maha_Boowa_The_Path_to_Arahantship (thanks nick) and it made me motivated to do some concentration. I started the sit with sensations of the inbreath and mantra on the outbreath. Chatter was active. I moved to the stomach/2nd briefly and chatter settled down back to breath/mantra stayed on it up to third and then shifted to fourth. Spaciousness opened. Stayed there and then moved into a dreamlike state and the breath/mantra stopped somewhere and lost awareness. Awareness came back with some background dream-state happening and fade out to .... fade back in with a different kind out background dreaming happening. Back to normal awareness with a nice calmness. The fade out had a little crinkly quality. It was not perceived clearly. There was no blinky quality like normal cessations.
So I have one data point that sounds like NS. It also could be some other door into cessation that I am not used to.
Eric, you can keep the lucky quarter. Use it as a kasina object. emoticon Thanks for the impetus.
Have to try the purelands now....
~D

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
7/9/14 11:25 AM as a reply to Dream Walker.
6/27 Morning meditation. Cessation. 6th cycling complete.
7/4 morning meditation in recliner. Went up the jhanas until 8th or asleep. Came back into full awareness in a nice calm space. I noticed the sound of breathing over on the couch...I tuned into my breathing and it was not me. Sometimes the breather would take a deep breath and sigh a little. I opened my eyes a crack but there was noone there of course. Closed my eyes and asked silently if they needed anything. I got no impressions from the breather so I sent some loving kindness to him/her. Eventually the breathing stopped.
I've been sending metta to a friend recently who passed away but got no impressions it was him. I also feel a bit of a fear test is a possibility. 
7/8 bought an almadine garnet. It was calling me to the gem store from across the street. Lots of cool stuff...kinda got blown out but found what was calling me.
"Almandine is known as a Stone of Tangible Truth. It assists in manifesting a realistic version of the physical world. [Simmons, 169] Its energy helps alleviate worry, panic and fear, and assists in maintaining a calm connection to the present. It allows one to perceive the absolute support of the Universe."
Gonna have to meditate with it and see what comes up. Sound good though.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
7/9/14 1:08 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
Quartz crystals are great too! They're all over the place in shamanic literature, seems like it was a global phenomenon back in the day. 

Congrats on the (maybe) NS. I prefer candle flames but I'm all for switching up concentration objects. 

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
8/21/14 5:36 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
7/31 7th cycle complete....
Gonna stop counting cycles...they are around 2 to 3 weeks between cessations most of the times but sometimes not and they are getting very hard to distinguish from the shifts from Jhanas. I did slip deep into misery nana last monday and hugged the cactus with clarity for a couple hours until I moved on. That was the deepest I've been into it for a long time and though it is a shallow pit compared with what it used to be it sure does suck a whole lot still. Less suffering, noticing it more....yep.  The nice thing is it goes by quickly usually and I've been thru it so many times it just doesn't have the same permanence or self to effect that it used to....still not fun sensations to see clearly.

Went camping and found a very nice energy spot. Nature took on a very extra clear and crispness that made me realize what luminous was all about. Totally fun to hang with panoramic vision and just groove on it....wish I had time to actually sit or chase down the center of the energy spot...should have brought the drum. An interesting thing happened when I went to bed...I closed my eyes and was just following my breath as usual before I fall asleep and immediately shifted into a jhana pretty hard and bang....entered into vision state...I started floating thru nature scenes with great clarity and then moved into a cathedralesque like structure...I was moving at the same rate most of the time with stuff resolving as I moved past. Rooms and hallways and sometimes I would turn corners with a little will to do so. I saw "people/beings" sometimes but they resolved into lego people with wings sometimes. I tried to stay put and explore the people more but mostly kept floating by. Then I saw some scary people who would resolve into more detail but not pleasantly. I would open my eyes at that point and "reset" then close my eyes again. Very funky, I've not had visuals like that since 1st path and never so long a stretch. I tried to shift up a jhana during this to see If I could increase the clarity to 3d immersive but was unable to. Most of the time I just went with the flow and let it happen...I should think up some stuff to try to do next time this happens. Need to get back there and camp again.
Practice has been panoramic vision off the cushion with a big dose of letting go until I can sense the difference between where I am still holding stress vs my memory of the glimpse of the non-dual state. On the cushion I move up the jhanas to fourth and explore space and the difference between "internal" vs "external" and move slowly back and forth between the transition point. This point is hazy and indistinct in quality. I also try to catch the "choosing" going on. The agency is still invisible but the results of it might be seen in the sense of choosing, especially the priority of some sensations over others. I sprinkle it with the magic of the 3C's. Dunno if it will work to get non-dual to shift but I gotta do something when I'm meditating...I mean I got a Vipassana hammer...gotta use it, am I right?....I can't just...you know...sit on my ass and not strive at nothing emoticon
Some of these sensations are getting clearer as I go along and I wanna get off the dualistic treadmill...the glimpse just makes it how obvious the ordinary stressless way of experiencing reality unfolding is very much more preferable.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
9/18/14 2:35 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
9/12 Went back to the camping spot by myself and spent a couple nights. I pretty much tried to groove on the gestalt of nature. Lots of walking meditation. I finally figured out what why the trees and everything looked sooooo 3d. Besides being all crisp and stuff the sense of parallax was bumped up a great amount. This gives it the extra 3d sense. I think the energy spot helps concentration/jhanas. I kinda just went with the concentration practices....I tried to use everything as one big panoramic kasina....

Since I got back from camping I've been exploring concentration exercises... Really trying to be honest with myself....I find that I've been pretty slack lately on concentration. The problem is it's so easy to use concentration as the whipping boy for not getting to where you want....you can always shrug and say it must be that I need more concentration. I must say I've been lazy in getting back to the level of concentration that I currently posses, been mixing metta with concentration for a long while. I've been working the breath lately trying to get back to my previous retreat level. Trying to stay on the first couple jhanas and build them up before I slide up to 3rd and 4th....hard to not slide as that has been my whole goal all along. The interesting results so far have been a ton of cessations per sit. I had 4 during a 40 minute sit and yesterday a bunch in my morning sit. The really interesting thing is that I could almost see what is happening that causes the blip. It's like watching a dream kinda. I'm going to the heart center and then I "do" something that is not describable and then blip. Then I'd do it again....sink back into the High EQ dreamlike state and repeat.

Still playing with space in it's many aspects...thinking about space too. Every sensation has a spacial relational position overlay/process layer that points to a center-point and back to the "thing". So even though I dissolved  certain center point ownership processes at third path the spacial relationships are still there. That is what I'm trying to fix, let everything be where it is without an additional priority process/stress layer being present.

Today's meditation I did concentration-breath in the sauna walking then breath again sitting....got a couple blips then moved to playing with internal vs external with each breath. breath in - expand and move to the external focus, breath out and contract to the internal focus. I did this for a while then a much harder blip happened and bam....reboot to body distortion/marshmallow-man feel...this means I'm back at 1st nana?/jhana. I stayed with the expanded feel and tried to really dig into it and see if I could get it to pop like I did that one time....nope....had to get up and do a bathroom run for my kid...oh well.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
9/18/14 10:58 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
Dream Walker:
Today's meditation I did concentration-breath in the sauna walking then breath again sitting....got a couple blips then moved to playing with internal vs external with each breath. breath in - expand and move to the external focus, breath out and contract to the internal focus.

Interesting technique -- might also be fun to reverse it after growing accustomed to one in/out-breath association. I'll have to try it out!