Discussion Forum Discussion Forum

Practice Logs

RE: Richard's insight practice

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
7/2/14 12:37 AM as a reply to Richard Zen.
Okay I think I've exhausted what I need to work on (including in daily life).  It doesn't mean I'm perfectly purified or some such nonsense but the below is a lot to chew on for some time.  Rob Burbea really lays it out and I've made some notes.  Reading Nagarjuna has really helped in understanding the mistake of inherent existence.  I'm currently still in the Advaita Vedanta acceptance of everything, but the Buddhist additions have made it much better.  

I've benefited the most from the "Clarifying the Natural State" book to learn to welcome the impulses to avoid aversion to aversion.  I've also benefited from Daniel's advice along with Andrea Fella to let go of aversion to a wandering mind.  Currently I'm working on the below to deal with perception and how it's depended on consciousness.  Consciousness is already leaning on past likes and dislikes (sankharas).  Seeing the movements happen this early is relieving more stress but I need much more practice as I'm still new to being (almost) perceptionless on a regular basis.  I want this to be a regular habit that allows functionality and relaxation while doing tasks as opposed to some awkward practice that represses perception.

The following talk is covered more towards the end of the notes.  The starting part is from other talks and I can't find out which ones they were from.

http://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/210/talk/9553/
Minds are what glue things together. See "things in vibrations."  There are pleasant and unpleasant frequencies happening all the time.  You can develop tuning into the pleasant.

Just look at things as empty, the mind goes to nothingness and seeing nothingness as another perception you go to NPNYP.

Arhat understands perception/cessation/beyond time

Believing in things and investing in things leads to a time sense.  “How will this thing be for me in the future? How has it been in the past? How is it for me now?”

If time is empty then arising and passing away are also empty.

Consciousness (self), objects and time cannot exist without the other.

No matter how subtle sense of self there is there will always be an investment.  “How will it be for me?”

Conceiving is more important than thinking.

To conceive = to form or devise (a plan or idea) in the mind.

If I have any “thing” for consciousness, wrapped in the perception of the thing the concept is included of “not that thing”.

Perception of stillness includes the possibility of a lack of stillness in the future.  Time is woven into the perception of a thing.

The investment/attachment in a thing makes the future sense gain in significance.  Conceiving is wrapped up with delusion.

Consciousness/Knowing depends on time since knowing needs a present moment.  Present moment is empty so consciousness is leaning on something empty of inherentness.

10 links version of dependent origination:

Nama-rupa: depends on consciousness.  Consciousness depends on Nama-rupa.

Nama-rupa: Nama – Perception, vedana, attention, intention, contact.  Rupa – ancient 4 elements.

Attention: The mind’s movement of attention to a perception/object/experience feels similar to the push and pull of craving/aversion.

Attention: Consciousness + intention directed at this or that whether we are aware of it or not.

Push and pull depends on object and vice versa.
The sense of an object for consciousness depends on attention.  It could be deliberate or not deliberate.  Attention needs objects.

The present moment for consciousness exists because of objects.  Time is dependent on knowing/consciousness.  Knowing depends on time.  Attention needs an experience/moment.  If there are mutually dependent they are mutually empty of inherentness.

Ignorance is being ignorant of what qualities and actions bring suffering or freedom, and forgetting impermanence, and believing in a self that is real.  Self can be anywhere on the spectrum from big self down to just perceiving an object or even perceiving nothing.  Believing in that trinity of subject/object/time is root delusion.  The subject must have an investment.  Intention to pay attention

Sankharas: Neurosis, impressions that carries into the future.  Fabricators, fashions, movements of the mind that fashion or fabricate experience, dukkha and the whole sense of reality.  Out of delusion comes these impulses, intentions, ways of relating, conceiving, and perceiving that fashion and fabricate.

'And why do you call them 'fabrications'? Because they fabricate fabricated things, thus they are called 'fabrications.' What do they fabricate as a fabricated thing? For the sake of form-ness, they fabricate form as a fabricated thing. For the sake of feeling-ness, they fabricate feeling as a fabricated thing. For the sake of perception-hood... For the sake of fabrication-hood... For the sake of consciousness-hood, they fabricate consciousness as a fabricated thing. Because they fabricate fabricated things, they are called fabrications.

The intention to pay attention is a very subtle movement of sankhara.

Intentions require an object to intend to attend to.  I have to believe in this object to intend to pay attention to.  I can’t have an intention without a sense of the next moment and a sense of a subject with an investment.

Time is dependent on knowing, the movement of intention, sankharas, investment and conceiving of an object in the present moment.

I cannot find any aspect of the mind that is not empty.  Delusion is also dependent on the other factors.

In practice you see the mind dependent on empty objects so it is empty as well.  In that platform then time and present moment can be included as empty.  What’s important is seeing the emptiness in experience as opposed to cessation.  Cessation happens with the fading.

Whether there’s a center in the knowing there is dukkha.  Objects are in space and time.  Knowing is not separate from empty perceptions.  The whole of existence is groundless.

Phew! Lots of meditation notes to plug into the practice.

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
7/12/14 11:44 AM as a reply to Richard Zen.
The above practices are really good.  I'm looking at the nama rupa more closely so that "consciousness" is breaking down into those parts.  Remembering is a part of the knowing which helps with recognizing objects to like and dislike.  

There's more freedom but at the same time there's more consistent mindfulness.  One has to be very aware or the habitual "consciousness -> contact -> recognition/perception/remembering what object "is" -> vedana -> craving -> clinging -> action" mass of reactivity as it starts up like a mental bubble.  Adding to the noting "intention", and "object" helps breakdown the stress to it's root cause of time/object/self attending.

This subtle tanha really does affect a person and moves quickly.  So when relaxing in consciousness (the advaita vedanta enlightenment) there is much less obvious pain that existed before meditation but the subtle attachments are unaffected.

When noting this detail the sense of self reduces as more phenomenon like intentions to pay attention to an object appears to be this impermanent process that can be waited out to gain relief.  As soon as the brain recognizes an "object" the mental stress starts up (albeit not very strong).

I can now see the subtle mental pain in attention:
Attention: The mind’s movement of attention to a perception/object/experience feels similar to the push and pull of craving/aversion.

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
7/18/14 10:24 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
When I worry about how I'm doing compared to the past I can see clearly how much better things are.  I'm still dealing with existential issues with career but I'm finding in arguments and debates with people I'm becoming more confident and I don't believe what people say about me.  All I'm doing is hearing the criticism and seeing if it actually makes sense and if I'm able to do something about it.  I can see how people will criticize me no matter what I do and how the amygdala likes to exagerrate problems.  I can also see when I win debates with just plain logic how irritated they can get.  Seeing how people stress over perceptions instead of being naturally tired from normal exertion teaches how one can drain themselves from their thinking habits alone.

I think a lot of bullies and bulldozers get used to just criticizing and having people not have answers or they stay quiet.  To have someone actually analyze what they say to see if it's actually TRUE you can see they aren't prepared for it.  Conflict is starting to become fun because as long as I'm fair to the other person and take true criticism and do something about it I know I'm doing better than many people.  The pangs in the stomach from receiving criticism from others is really low.  I remember some years ago how bad I had IBS.

I'm having much less of those feelings of "oh why isn't my life going this way or that way?"  Those thoughts do arise but the pain and strain is so much less.  Seeing how reifying objects and constantly daydreaming about preferences is the beginning of the stress.  There is no permanent happiness.  The brain will always find perceptions that lack the quality of expectations.

This leads into nice periods where I'm just looking at cause and effect and creating causes instead of just judging and analyzing.  It's a relief.  

The following talk mentions how beneficial letting go of preferences as a deeper understanding of letting go.

http://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/210/talk/10832/

A long with letting go of preferences I'm still looking at the 3 characteristics but truly I haven't gotten enough from it beyond equanimity.  Just because things are impermanent doesn't mean I still don't want it.  By targeting preferences while looking at the 3 Cs I can see some improvement like dousing a small fire before it gets too big.

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
7/19/14 11:21 AM as a reply to Richard Zen.
A good talk that helps clear up the confusion of nama-rupa and consciousness:

http://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/169/talk/15836/

I'm zeroing in on unskillful intentions to let go of them more often.  Of course the skillful intentions should be acted upon.


RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
7/20/14 6:49 AM as a reply to Richard Zen.
Richard, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your notes. This last bit of self-conceit is very tricky to notice (so subtle but still very significant) and I'm really appreciating your articulation of it. Best wishes for your practice!

As far as the career life/interpersonal "conflict" goes... one skill I've been working on is "naming the game". Part of the challenge of bullies and bulldozers are kinda on autopilot and they don't really take in factual information, because that's not what is motivating them. They aren't looking for the right answer, they're trying to establish/maintain whatever position or role they have staked out. So sometimes the direct approach doesn't quite work because they manouver around the position, not the facts. Even though with a clearer mind it's possible to chip away at the foundation for their stake... sometimes it's easier just to say "my sense is you are really staked out there." "from my perspective it seems you want X"   Basically simply naming the game they are playing. Then it's up to them to justify it or deny it, and you haven't done anything except name their game. Just one more practical tool. Of course, they might have an insight into our own positoning and call us on our stuff. The appropriate response is "I see what you are saying. Thank you for pointing that out." (and mean it!) emoticon

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
7/20/14 11:20 AM as a reply to x x.
x x:
Richard, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your notes. This last bit of self-conceit is very tricky to notice (so subtle but still very significant) and I'm really appreciating your articulation of it. Best wishes for your practice!

As far as the career life/interpersonal "conflict" goes... one skill I've been working on is "naming the game". Part of the challenge of bullies and bulldozers are kinda on autopilot and they don't really take in factual information, because that's not what is motivating them. They aren't looking for the right answer, they're trying to establish/maintain whatever position or role they have staked out. So sometimes the direct approach doesn't quite work because they manouver around the position, not the facts. Even though with a clearer mind it's possible to chip away at the foundation for their stake... sometimes it's easier just to say "my sense is you are really staked out there." "from my perspective it seems you want X"   Basically simply naming the game they are playing. Then it's up to them to justify it or deny it, and you haven't done anything except name their game. Just one more practical tool. Of course, they might have an insight into our own positoning and call us on our stuff. The appropriate response is "I see what you are saying. Thank you for pointing that out." (and mean it!) emoticon

Thanks for the advice. 

The last bit is difficult (nama-rupa) because it connects to everything else and is not separate.  I have to resist habitual intentions more and more (which to me is truly letting go).  Just last night I was meditating and I really hit no-self.  It was like the self was exhausted and couldn't be bothered so it relinquished on its own.  The vibrations in the skull and everywhere else was just experience but I didn't feel like I was in a jhana or a self was locatable anywhere.  It was very liberating but temporary as of right now I'm continuing to note because that result is gone again.

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
7/21/14 10:46 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
A couple of recent dharma talks that I really needed.  They emphasize the need for consistent mindfulness and reduce the complexity.

http://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/25/talk/24102/

http://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/96/talk/24093/

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
7/23/14 1:44 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
The consistent mindfulness still feels slightly harsh so I've gone back to the Clarifying the natural State instructions and the mindfulness is getting smoother again and even more smooth when I use the below instructions from Lama Kong Ka.  I can start seeing in Daniel's instructions on seeing everything that is considered a self and how both instructions point in different ways to the same thing so there's a smoothness from a lack of aversion to what's happening.  Things are causal or happen on their own.   

I'm still working with intentions and trying to notice and feel them.  This talk goes into more detail:

http://www.audiodharma.org/talks/audio_player/4927.html

Some notes from Maria:
Intention is about motivation.  Eg. Baking a cake for someone to enjoy vs. Showing off.
Using intentions to guide conditions is better than just reacting with default intentions.
Default intentions “I want what I like and I don’t want what I don’t like”.
Motivations determine whether intentions are skillful or unskillful.
Intentions are ethically neutral but motivations are not ethically neutral.

Feel the energy to move your hand.  That is your intention.  The motivation to move your hand or not move your hand is the energy for the action.  Volition is also in the continuing of the action. 

Checking your intentions allows you to stop them.  What you think will be the inclination of the mind.  Letting go of clinging is renunciation (a form of intention).  Make intentions based on what is skillful instead of self-measurement.

Align intentions with deep values. When purposefully cultivating intentions you can at a later time check into your intentions as you go along with your day and have ready made intentions to remind yourself of.

If the intention is good then when there are mistakes there will be less self blame.  
By paying attention to motivation, intentions, action, and the continuance of the action I can see how incredibly quick they are, because they feel one and the same.   Since any Right Effort movement is exercising intention then you can see how intentions are all over the place and habitual intentions have to be countered by the intention to pay attention. Eg. Adjusting intentions to return to the breath.  When paying attention is happening (hopefully as often as possible) this time should not be wasted and the skillful intentions and actions should be put in place.  More paying attention = more freedom. This also means that being tired of pay attention can reduce your freedom from old habits.  By developing better habits when there is more attention hopefully when someone is tired their good habits will kick in.

Seeing things happening on their own feels even more true when trying Lama Kong Pa's instructions.  It's like I can notice more of the sensations when I pursue "naturalness".  I really understand now how there's no self in the experiential level and because of how quiet, peaceful (yet groundbreaking) it's convincing.  I can also see how old habits still have to be dealt with but there's no need to make that project a "self" project full of the typical judgment and aversion.  Just Do, Observe, and Correct intentions. emoticon  I don't know if I fully understand intention in an experiential level yet but this combination is working.  I'll know if I can follow Kong Pa's instructions to deliberately cultivate desire and aversion and not act on them but just observe their nature.  It's clear to me now that having my senses knocked out in classical stream-entry is not necessary to see and understand non-inherency.  Everything happens as causes and conditions and seeing this in more clarity can allow cultivating better intentions/actions/habits.  Because of tiredness and ignorance there will be errors and falling off the wagon but now that isn't a self-judgment anymore.

Lama Kong Pa's instructions point directly but it's very subtle:

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CB4QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.abuddhistlibrary.com%2FBuddhism%2FA%2520-%2520Tibetan%2520Buddhism%2FSubjects%2FWisdom%2FMahamudra%2FThe%2520Essentials%2520of%2520Mahamudra%2520Practice%2FThe%2520Essentials%2520of%2520Mahamudra%2520Practice.rtf&ei=5OnPU4XJO4eIjALA9oDIBA&usg=AFQjCNESyy3ec9YoGAgB7iUrnTfxE5uRzw&sig2=89VkM1gKURadVFqzweK5Xw
'Equilibrium' means to balance body, mouth, and mind.
The Mahamudra way of balancing the body is to loosen it,
of balancing the mouth is to slow down the breathing,
and of balancing the mind is not to cling to and rely on anything.
 
"This is the supreme way to tame the body, breath ,
and mind.
 
" 'Relaxation' means to loosen the mind, to let everything go, to strip off all ideas and thoughts.  When one's whole body and mind become loose, one can, without effort, remain in the natural state, which is intrinsically non-dis- criminative and yet without distractions.
 
" 'Naturalness' means not 'taking' or 'leaving' anything:
in other words the yogi does not make the slightest effort of any kind.  He lets the senses and mind stop or flow by themselves without assisting or restricting them. 
To practice naturalness is to make no effort and be spontaneous.

"The above can be summarized thus:
 
   The essence of equilibrium is not to cling.
   The essence of relaxation is not to hold.
   The essence of naturalness is to make no effort."
THE  ERRORS  IN  MAHAMUDRA  PRACTICE
"(1) If one's Mahamudra practice is confined soley to the effort of stabilizing the mind, the activities of all one's six consciousnesses will be halted, or dimmed.  This is called a 'frozen ice' type of practice, and is a very harmful tendency in Mahamudra meditation which must be avoided.

"(2) He who neglects the clear 'Awareness' but abides soley in Non-distinction will see or hear nothing when confronted with sights, sounds, smells, and touches. . . This is an error due to having become sluggish.

"(3) When the last thought has gone, and the next one has not come, this immediate, present moment is a very wonderful thing if one can abide therein; but, if he does so without clear awareness, he still falls into the error of sluggishness.

"(4) he who can hold the bright Awareness but thinks there is nothing more to Mahamudra also falls into error.

"(5) If one only cultivates 'Blissfulness,' 'Illumination,' and Non-distinction' without practicing 'penetrating-observation-into-the-mind,' it still cannot be considered as the correct Mahamudra practice.

"(6) He who develops a dislike to manifestation os most likely to have gone astray.

"(7) He who concentrates on his Awareness and cultivates the illuminating-void Self-mind [I'm assuming non-inherency] is said to practice Mahamudra correctly.  However, this 'concentration- effort' has a tendency to hinder that spontaneity and freedom of spirit, without which it is difficut to unfold the vast and liberating Mind.  One should therefore never forget to practice the 'looseness,' 'vastness,' and 'spontaneity.'"
*   *   *   
"What, then, is the correct Mahamudra practice?

"[Answer:] The ordinary mind [Tib.: Thal.Ma.Ces.Pa] is itself the correct practice.  That is to say, to let the ordinary mind remain in its own natural state.  If to this mind one adds or subtracts anything, it is then not the ordinary mind but the so-called 'mind-object' [Tib.: Yul.]. To make not the slightest intention and effort to practice, and yet to not be distracted for a single moment, is to practice the natural mind correctly.  Therefore, as long as you can keep your Self-awareness, no matter what you do, you are still practicing Mahamudra.

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
7/23/14 2:03 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
Hello Richard, just wanted to thank you for the links you shared with me about dependent arising. I've only listened to John Peacock's talk so far. I found very helpful and clear.

Have a nice day,
Andreas

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
7/26/14 11:52 AM as a reply to Richard Zen.
The no-self freedom makes one just accept things as they are.  It feels like you're just normal without being a meditator but you're a version of you that has less stress.  I had many glimpses of this in the past but until you see more detail (especially intentions) the brain likes to cling to what is not seen throughly.  Now that I have a lot more freedom it's time to DO something with it.  I've decided not to abandon concentration practices completely like some do because dealing with old conditioning requires new conditioning.  Metta is something that I've practiced little with and even doing basic metta practices during the day (without absorption) it can clear the mind of "enemies".  There's a lot more that can be done with the practice to seep into habitual thinking.   

I'm starting to look for new friends which is a good sign for an introvert like me and helps to bring more perspectives in your life.  Mental judgments happen still (feeling that others are superior to oneself) but there's more acceptance because socializing is just another skill.  Also when choosing who to spend time around it necessary to reject and be rejected again and again to get better at this skill and not waste time with people who aren't a good fit.

http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/5556399

1hr Metta practice:  I followed Finch's instructions and they help.  I flipped easily between the 1st two jhanas simply by focusing on just myself.  By switching from "May I be happy" to remembering a happy memory to "May this body be happy" it's possible to fall into jhana quite easily.  There's less strain now that I don't cling to jhanas.  There's an echo in my mind to when I did cling to them and the brain immediately looks at that as danger and the mind quiets down which naturally helps the jhana.

Lots of metta to all those teachers, books, advanced practitioners who helped when I got stuck.

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
8/3/14 6:01 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
In working with intentions it's pretty clear why they are so repetitive and difficult to deal with is because they are underpinned by preferences.  I hear others talking about equanimity towards formations, or specific neutrality towards everything etc. Being aware of preferences and letting them go you can see some of the hidden clinging that was operating all the time.  It's okay to have preferences but letting go of the hold of preferences brings relief.  If it feels a little wrong to let go of a hold on preferences then the clinging can be seen right there.  Practicing this way the sense of self sinks a little further.

http://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/39/talk/2043/



RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
8/4/14 2:57 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
A good test for a "no preferences" practice is to play a competitive video game where the habit is to feel aversion when losing and feeling conceited when winning.  Try not reacting either way.

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
8/4/14 10:02 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
While walking near the river I tried to remember what I was like last year and it's getting better.  When letting go in the past there was an intention to look for a mirror awareness at the back of the head even if I wasn't entirely aware this was happening.  Now when I let go there's no need to search for anything.  The beautiful awareness is already operating.  I think not indulging preferences for extended periods of time helps one see how intentions can be like sensations and as Rob Burbea points out that any intention to pay attention to an object can have some tanha.  Letting go is all that seems to be needed.  This is a far cry from the days I was noting the shit out of everything but with too much clinging to results and trying to find "stream entry" and creating a "noter" that's noting.  It's much less of a quest now.

Right now it's mostly smooth with some little bits of clinging here and there.  As I continue to let go without doing anything more it will smooth out further.

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
8/6/14 10:31 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
With letting go I'm reminded of Nagarjuna's examination of time.  When we let go a lot of the thoughts that are let go of have to do with the past or the future.  Even the present is gone very quickly.If the present and the future
Depend on the past,
Then the present and the future
Would have existed in the past.

If the present and future
Did not exist there,
How could the present and the
Future be dependent on it?

Without depending on the past,
Neither of the two could be established.
Therefore neither the present nor
The future could exist.

By this very method, without substitution,
The remaining two; as well as …
Superior, inferior, average, etc.; and
Unity, etc., should be understood.

A nonenduring time is not grasped
Nothing one could grasp as time
Could exist as enduring.
If time is not grasped, how it is known?

If time depends on a entity
Then without an entity how could time exist?
Since there are no entities at all,
How could time exist?


RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
8/14/14 5:28 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
Wow!  You could afford liquor?  Doing good, Richard, and I see everything working out perfectly for you.  emoticon

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
8/17/14 10:45 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
Okay so after my vulnerable post I've since deleted I decided to focus on the cessation of experience more and especially looking at thoughts.

http://www.dharmaseed.org/talks/audio_player/179/10999.html

http://www.dharmaseed.org/talks/audio_player/186/3239.html




RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
8/18/14 12:51 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
It's pretty clear that thoughts just arise on their own.  There's no do-er-ship involved.  I mediated for three hours just following the breath and it was interrupted by thought after thought after thought.  I treated the thoughts with equanimity and let them drop on their own.  Each time it dropped samadhi would re-engage.  Sometimes the samadhi doesn't re-engage so quickly and that's due to angry thoughts, but I just continue on regardless.

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
8/18/14 2:33 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
Your consistency of practice is a good model for me.   I admire also how you seem to be keeping your practice a "hard simple" way.   I used to be a weight lifter, so I can appreciate that  :-))

When I get stuck on a thought or scene or emotion (the other day I got stuck on love and joy) I will jog it loose by employing the 6-directions which I learned from some ancient practice; or if a thought I will repeat that thought and let the shift occur until nothing further occurs.

I agree about the automaticity of the mind; however conscious creative visualization helps me to do what my mind is doing compulsively and doing it self-determinedly, consciously.  I select an importance my mind is popping up with.  Very zen, eh!   I'm pretty sure you know this :-))  You seem to me like one who is aware of how one can get lost in identification with one's mind/thoughts/emotions.

best wishes for you and your practice,
colleen
 

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
8/21/14 10:41 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
I've been returning to An Eternal Now's e-book and I can tell I didn't really understand it the first time I read it.  It makes more sense now that I discovered other explanations from countless other sources so I can understand what he means. LOL! I feel that he's correct that the neti, neti practice does create benefits but can create a dissassociated "noter" that is noting.  Letting go of aversion to a wandering mind is what helped a lot and his description I think is even better.  It's more like everything is already letting go and that "trying to let go" is more clinging.  This brings that clarity I've seen in the past but I notice more when I'm seeing things as they are WITH the thinking and the intention to pay attention.  Noting is intending to pay attention and if those activities are excluded you can't see any further.  As you would expect the repressed material (including some really angry violent revenge stuff) comes out but as usual I'm not acting on it and choosing to let go is more like not adding to it or not adding an aversion before letting go happens.

While running I realized that I've been neglecting vedana again and I think I have been for about a year now.  While the metta practice is (slowly) helpful I need to be more aware of habitual aversion (that doesn't hurt much but is still making choices for me) and practice taking actions that are needed but aren't preferences.  This is the only way to change habits.  You can use whatever techniques to make things fun but there is always going to be a natural resistance in the brain to pushing yourself.  I didn't run all that much this summer and now that I'm doing it again I can feel the resistance.  By just noting "unpleasant" and to keep going eventually the body lets go of the aversion and you continue until you actually are tired.  The first couple of kilometres seemed like such a drag and after a couple more kilometres I wasn't thinking about the aversion because it was gone.

Seeing emptiness in all experiences still means the habits return and I like attending to the breath (but without huge force).  It's more like Right Effort towards the breath.  

RE: Richard's insight practice
Answer
9/17/14 6:55 PM as a reply to Richard Zen.
The past month has been difficult in dealing with aversion.  It's like a brick wall at times even though it doesn't hurt much at all anymore.  Using Rob Burbea's noting strategy I can see why. Perception and consciousness are essentially the same and perception affects clinging.  I'm noting now a little deeper and after a couple of hours of meditation I'm noting more detail.  When arisings and passings do their thing towards the mirror of knowing I start noting "space" and everything else "perception".  A couple of hours doesn't seem like enough so I'll have to take more time.  The benefit of this noting (more bare awareness than noting) is that perceptions do start to fade a bit and 3D subject/object experience at times goes into 2D which creates more relief.  I'm not sure how successful this will be but I'll just keep at it.