Dan Kelso:
I've been reading some of Daniel's book and posts here, and wondering if/how to enter the pool of discussion. Finally just decided to do a cannonball in the deep end and see what happens. Or maybe I'm in the shallow end and will hit the bottom in a second.
I'm mainly interested in exploring/understanding my experience, some shifts that occurred, and a major one a couple of years ago which resulted in a permanent sense of seeing the false nature of the sense of identity with a body, idea, sensation, etc. (recognition of no self, or "not-self"?). I come from a self-inquiry, "non-dual" approach to practice. Many years of sitting and walking meditation, deeply investigating everything that seem to make up the sense of "me" (body, thoughts, spatial locations, imagery, etc.)
In particular, I'd be very interested in anyone sharing their direct experience of their inner terrain in regards to what appears to be a ceasing of the process of identification.
What I find in my experience are several key landmarks. There is a persistent change in beliefs structures around identity based on what is actually here. The conviction that I am not identical to/identifiable as any conventional appearances or sensed objects, nothing separate in experience, seems complete and to reflect the "obvious". And this conviction is based on direct experience, just what is here (as oppose to theoretical). I would not say that I don't exist, however. This was an important question to ask, so to speak, upon recognizing I do not exist as a body, thought, sensation, etc. Existence is also quite obvious, but it's just not clear what this existence IS. I've got some ideas though......... Then there is the "integration" of all this that seems part of a process that continues on (not having a sense of "doing" it, no doer, lot's of things, everything, goes on, on it's own).
Anyway, interested in any comments.
Hey Dan !!
Good Subject! The "self" is there when and if one is thinking about it during life , or the mind is caught up in the stories about life and phenomonenon. But, when one is free of the mind's storytelling , the whole "self" issue is absent, there is existence where it just does't come up anymore. There definetely are processes, both mental and physical occurring, the brain sets protein markers which enables clinging, neurns form neuron circuits which allow for the process of mental formations and habits. These processes can be moved, pushed and , shifted in wholesome directions, enabling a more harmonious flow within our mind/body environment and also outside of our sacks of skin.
But back to the "self", when one is just here, where is the "self"?? The self is only here when one ponders from a viewpoint of a self, or rather the self is a mental construct requiring the Ego support system. Who is writing this anyway, where are my words coming from, my fingers are just typing what is arising in the mind, where is the self that is actually creating these words? What about the Rabbits? Why didn't my self think of Kangaroos? Why did this so-called "I' think up kangaroos? Actually I can trace back my thoughts and what they were associated with, so there really isn't a self thinking thoughts , just associated neurons linking and forming, and typing, etc, all processes within processes.
But to sum up, IMHO, Self is a mental fabrication that works as a delayed response, descibing internal and external phenomenon after the fact, but since this happens so quickly, and the brain "buffers" the information from the senses, and that most minds are cluttered and not able to stay within the present moment , a delusion from the above factors arises and thus most of humanity thinks "they" are seeing, thinking, feeling, when actually the sensations are there, THEN, the recognition occurs.
So, one would suppose that to type this reply out, the "self" as a concept is/was used, and it seems so, but under closer scrutiny even that idea of a self collapses.
Going back to my "resting" mind state, thinking is a kind of dukkha...
Peace
Psi Phi