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RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
10/1/14 9:10 AM as a reply to Dream Walker.
So I woke up early..can't get back to sleep...to much energy.
Started thinking about Shinzens internal vs external reality. thinking about 3rd path hollowing out the circle that is the sense of self. Thinking about the external reality outside this circle as the same sensation of solidity as the internal objects were. Thought about the grabbing, clinging, averting to these "objects"; how we manipulate them with our minds as if they were solid things we can grab with the mind. This is all effed up stuff but we do it all the time without even thinking about it. I just grabbed "myself" as an object, let me move it to the left and right....preposterous but nonetheless. Can I grab everything outside the circle of "me"...sure...equally preposterous....is it solid? Yep. How else can I grab it. Can I apply the 3 C's to it? Sure gonna try it if this isn't just some crazy morning pre coffee crazyness going on.  Next meditation i'm gonna explore grabbing a bunch of stuff. (steering attention, changing focus, choosing, doing) What can't i grab? what is and isn't solid? INVESTIGATE the objectifing

Is any object really an object in relation to each other or a center point? Without this spacial relationship between objects (internal/external duality) can't everything just be whereever it is?
Is this manipulation/grasping really what we mean by agency? without this grasping nature can't things just arise wherever they are without a doer arising them?

How many levels are there within the Anagami phase? Lets be honest shall we? I sure would like to know.
~D

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
10/1/14 3:04 PM as a reply to Dream Walker.
I've noticed the theme of agency comes up a lot for you.

Sorry if this is too basic for where you're at, but sometimes direct and simple is good.

If there is no agency, you're not going to find it. Any impressions that seem to be impressions of an agent, already aren't an agent. So they don't need to stop arising in order for agency to be seen through.

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
10/2/14 12:01 AM as a reply to Dream Walker.
Oh, my goodness! I'm going to go back and read this narrative from the beginning! But before all that awakening . . . sleep. 

RE: Dreamwalker's Narrative
Answer
10/2/14 1:22 AM as a reply to Dream Walker.
Dream Walker:
Next meditation i'm gonna explore grabbing a bunch of stuff. (steering attention, changing focus, choosing, doing) What can't i grab? what is and isn't solid? INVESTIGATE the objectifing

So I just grabbed hold....just the sensation of grabbing....held it for minutes and then slowly let go...and let go more...and more...blip. I repeated this over and over....somewhere around the 6th blip in 30 minutes I stopped.
This approach is not working. I'm trying to get the brain to do something new...not the old trick it knows. Sigh....I'm starting to think about quitting meditating....it's not what I want to do, so it's probably the option I need to try.
I think there may be some addiction to meditating at this point.....getting the Fix to take care of stress.....stress that if it builds up on it's own without a relief valve may get the new trick to show itself.....maybe....

I'm not quite ready yet for this radical acceptance approach but I'm ripening to it
~D