Hi there!
Newcomer to the DhO, stumbled over it while scouring the web looking for advice on "what to do next." Found the maps and dark night posts here incredibly encouraging but still am unsure as to where exactly I am.
My short history: came into contact with meditation six years ago at a 10-day Goenka retreat. Went exactly by the book as far as the experiences I had and what the discourses mentioned - up until the 7th day, I think. That day I experienced what seemed to be A&P: subtle vibrations all over the body, complete dissolution and zero pain, rapture, bliss and whatnot. Although I felt the attachment and craving building up, I was unable to deal with them, most likely since I didn't really have a firm grasp of the three characteristics. The next day, it was all gone. Only pain, gross sensations and blind spots all over.... Sounds familiar?
Coming out of the retreat, I was determined to keep practicing. After a couple of months of that same experience, however, I gave up. Six years went by and I decided it was time to give it another try. Same retreat, yet this time was completely different. The first four days I could not develop concentration for the life of me. The experience was different from the first time (mind wandering thinking about past, future, etc. and then bringing it back) - this time the attention seemed to be jumping all over, often into thoughts/visions bordering on dream-like/hallucination experiences, and immediately back to the breath, in a split-second. It was happening so fast that by the time I noticed losing the breath the mind was already back on it! At other times I was feeling incredibly sleepy and the mind was dull. The assistant teacher's advice: keep going.
When we moved into body-scanning things did get a little better, concentration-wise. The sensations were somewhat similar to what I was feeling the end of the first retreat, only this time I felt better equipped to dealing with them (i.e. calmer and more equanimous, better understanding of impermanence). That was pretty much my experience for the rest of the retreat.
It has now been a month and little has changed. The sensations are still mostly gross; a body scan easily takes 40-50 minutes; and while I'm ok with that most of the time, sometimes the hindrances rear their ugly head and I get sleepy/dull-minded/bored, or doubtful about the technique. I started thinking maybe I need to go back to concentration and work harder on that, and so I went back to anapana (according to Mindfulness in Plain English). I saw some improvement with that, but now I feel like I'm sliding back.
So this is where I am right now. I'd be glad to hear your comments (diagnosis?

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