| | Hey abingdon,
Thanks for updating us on your practice, and also on the history of your experiences. I'm not the most experienced meditator in the bunch, but I would like to offer a tip...
Re: Difficult Emotions (i.e. anger, grief, sadness), I've said before in this forum that I'm an emotional guy, and that I tend to feel things more than think them. For that reasons, emotions play an enormous role in my practice, and were a major obstacle for me during the dukkha nanas (Dark Night stage). The only way I was able to work with them, and push through to Equanimity, is to hold them with as much kindness and attention as possible each time they arose.
Working with anger is the most difficult for me. There are neurological and physiological reasons for this. When certain feelings show up, our minds usually respond with either Fight of Flight, and both responses allow little room for mindfulness.
To work with physical pain and difficult emotions, try doing the following: When the sensation/feeling arises, recognize it, and then bow to it (in your head or physically, if you prefer). The "bowing" takes on the form of "Hello anger, stay as long as you like. What have you come to say?" This sort of radical acceptance is the only thing that really made me able to sit with the feelings. Once I could sit with the feelings, I could calm down and use my practice to recognize the characteristics of each little sensation that composed the feeling/pain. This technique was helpful in pushing through the Dark Night in to the 11th nana (equanimity). I don't know if it will work for you, but it's worth a shot, right? Just remember that with any sensation, grasping, pushing away, or ignoring will not lead to wisdom.
I hope this was helpful. Best of luck! |