| | Author: BradyE Forum: Dharma Overground Discussion Forum
Before I get into it, I would like to apologize for posting my last post on the main page. I didn't notice the appropriate "Discussion" section. Very sorry, I don't mean to presume my posts are in any way more important than anyone else's.
Also, thanks to responders of that post.
I'm beginning to practice regularly and read Buddhist literature. I know exactly what I am working towards, and making progress, yet I am troubled. I THINK I'm working towards Enlightenment, or Wisdom, or whatever, but sometimes it seems like what I'm working towards something a lot more basic; sometimes I think I'm just working to get to a normal place, where ALMOST EVERYONE ELSE IS AT.
My quest right now is to learn to control my mind, instead of having my mind control me; I find if I don't catch myself, I get caught up in a cycle of judgment; of myself, other people, and life in general. As a result, I will feel very depressed and hopeless.
To varying degrees of intensity, this has been my mind state for a very long time. Over the years, I have periodically achieved a state of non-judgment in which I am able to disconnect my self from my thoughts and watch objectively. Then I realize that I am not my thoughts, and I don't have to let them trick me into feeling bad. Through contemplation, conversation, long walks, meditation, etc. I have slowly come closer to being able to maintain this state of mind. I used to think of this mind state as Enlightenment, but now, I'm not so sure!
The strange thing about all this is that the state of non-attachment that I'm talking about doesn't feel supernatural in any way; it feels NORMAL.
People around me don't seem miserable or judgmental, and they usually seem happy.
Are most people enlightened, or am I just working towards normalcy, or WHAT? |