<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> <rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" version="2.0"> <channel> <title>I don't know 'where' I am - I need help processing what is happening</title> <link>http://www.dharmaoverground.org/c/message_boards/find_thread?p_l_id=&amp;threadId=5603495</link> <description>I don't know 'where' I am - I need help processing what is happening</description> <pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2014 01:40:25 GMT</pubDate> <dc:date>2014-10-19T01:40:25Z</dc:date> <item> <title>I don't know 'where' I am - I need help processing what is happening</title> <link>http://www.dharmaoverground.org/c/message_boards/find_message?p_l_id=&amp;messageId=5603494</link> <description>Okay - levels and dark nights and attainments &amp;#034;aside&amp;#034; :&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;first off - I&amp;#039;m pretty sure if I don&amp;#039;t get so e personal guidence, there may be trouble. Yes, I have all of the conventional psychological support - an army, really. A retreat would be ideal, but my college forays into places like The Berkely Psychic Institute ( I know, I know - the name... It should have been obvious. I have a thing for dumb names...) have left me extremely wary of charlatans and potentially brain washing dogma. I&amp;#039;m in a bit of a vulnerable state. I doubt I&amp;#039;d buy anything silly. I&amp;#039;ve seen too much, at this point, and I know what I&amp;#039;ve seen. Guidence from someone kind, knowing - or at least extremely open minded - is essential. Otherwise I may as well just continue to &amp;#039;trip out&amp;#039; and post to random strangers on the internet. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;SO, &amp;#034;where&amp;#034; am I? I guess I can&amp;#039;t tell, so I suppose it isn&amp;#039;t very &amp;#039;far.&amp;#039; I can tell you what I can &amp;#039;see&amp;#039; and &amp;#039;know&amp;#039; and then maybe someone can give me advice. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Note also that I have no FORMAL practice whatsoever. Having one would be nice... I can basically put myself in a meditative state at any time just wondering around. Maybe it&amp;#039;s a form of yoga or walking meditation without patern? Anyway, I find sitting painful. Lying on my back is fine - moving even better. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Ok. Here is the list. Bare with me. It&amp;#039;s all pretty indescribable:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;- all the extreme pain and mental suffering has pased, but in the last year I have, mostly in order: had extreme cramping in the extremities, hallucinated, had a &amp;#039;hallucination&amp;#039; that I was being attacked by demons and had to hold my attention on a small light to stay here/not die,went through a few weeks where I couldn&amp;#039;t stop moving (the mental hospital was baffled enough that I was there for nearly a month - hard to do, but worth meeting the beautiful humans there), had severe suicidal ... thought attacks?..., depression, moments of feeling human again, and then severe derealization - basically being able to see the &amp;#039;illusion&amp;#039; of reality from the outside - and not able to unsee it (very hard to function)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;So, that&amp;#039;s over. I assume it was the dark night. I know the maps are helpful, but do we all really travel them the same way?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I digress.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;- then I quickly made peace with being able to see reality from outside&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;- had a bit more control over seeing it&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;- felt that other beings were not as real as me, and didn&amp;#039;t have awareness, and that maybe I was &amp;#039;god&amp;#039; and had created all this fake stuff because I was lonely ( this may have happened sooner... Really depressing thought)</description> <pubDate>Sun, 12 Oct 2014 15:34:33 GMT</pubDate> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.dharmaoverground.org/c/message_boards/find_message?p_l_id=&amp;messageId=5603494</guid> <dc:creator>Heather bird McElroy</dc:creator> <dc:date>2014-10-12T15:34:33Z</dc:date> </item> </channel> </rss> 