tarin greco:
hi matt,
how have things been going in the four days since you wrote?
welcome to the dho, btw.
tarin
Hi Tarin and ta for the welcome.
The four days have been interesting, this stuff certainly can make things interesting. I have been consistently applying the method outlined. I am getting an understanding of what it takes to be attentive enough to slip into contemplation and then wonder....although I cannot maintain that wonder, like I begin to reach for it or make it solid or mine.
Some highlights have been:
i) Sitting in the park and noticing that the way I relate to people is through being rather than noticing that they are actually humans. For example I look at someone and feel a mix of aggression and fear a lot of the time. After looking at this for a while I realised that we're actually humans and slipped into wonder at the fact.
ii) Maintaining attentiveness around my girlfriend rather than just blindly being. Some wonder ensued, although it was being swamped by feeling that I am betraying the relationship.
iii) Tonight I was lying on the couch getting bored with tv and was looking at my legs. This led me to notice that not only are other people humans as from i) but that I am one myself. Now of course i) and iii) are both intellectually obvious, but I have never
really noticed them.
iv) Discussing time with friends who have the real experience of time and noticing beliefs in action. The feeling when I reflect on this is that it was slightly malicious to discuss actual time and see people defend beliefs, although I was very conscious of any malicious intent or belief defending (the rise of aggression in me) and couldn't notice any at the time. Out of this experience I can notice the warp that is affective memory.
Does it sound like I am on the right track here?
edit:
Oh and one more! v) Most of my life has been based on competitive sports (big part of my identity) so this was a fun one. I am relatively unfit compared to usual and went on a 14km run on Sunday. At the half way point I stopped to catch a breath and was struck with wonder while walking along the riverside looking at the sunset. This wonder waxed and waned (but was most pleasant) on the way home...anyway the run home was going really easily so I sprinted the last 500m or so and noticing that it was really easy I wondered why then I realised I was not experiencing affective pain, only the pain that the body makes when exercising intensively. This was quite awesome as I had never clued up to why this type of thing would happen now and then, but now I know.