| | Today's sitting (30 min) mostly a mixed experience, absorption, yes, but also lethargy. Things broke into a vibrational level yet it felt very uneven and chaotic. Every attempt to observe, see, or note, the object was met with the object transforming into something else. The speed at which this was happening was very fast, can't say how fast though. There was some sukkha-like energy, the senses turned somewhat inward, but mostly a lack of focus and drowsiness, caught up in thoughts and feelings, fantasies, dreams, visions, hallucinations, or whatever they were... I kept coming back to noticing the breath at the nostril tip, and kept coming back to just watching what it all was. Then I saw this bubble emerge, it was a bodily feeling as well as a visual sighting, and when it came up it rocked me with a significant energy bump. Any advice?
The last 24 hours I have been going through "past issues" with prior sanghas and teachers. That and searching the internet for who in this area to touch bases with: Bhante Gunaratana, Tara Brach, Anh-Huong Nyugen, etc. Also there is a big meditation science convention gathering soon that the Dalai Lama will be the key-note speaker at. (?) Anyway there is all this emotional baggage, and general chaos. These are strange, twisted, reactionary emotions, not serious or big emotions, or anything that would throw me off track, just annoying petty obsessions. My guess is this is a bit of the A & P stuff I had previously reported NOT getting. Having read in MCTB how object can be used in vipassana, right now the only possible object is all this chaos and getting bombarded with kundalini bubbles. Okay, that is do-able. Wisdom seems to tell me to hang out at DhO 2.0 and not be a "joiner" with other groups right now. Does that make sense?
Also there is this one core center of practice which is very solid. This is a bit of a mystery to me, more is yet to be revealed, it goes back to when I was in Big Sur in the early 70's. I probably forgot that Tassajara was just over the mountain, I began to understand my karma as having many tasks/events that looked at in a certain way have a practice potential. For a few years now I have been studying how ordinary work can be transformed into centering, calming, and practice. I know Dogen taught on this topic, and recently I discovered the Thai Forest is very much into it, got this from a fellow who writes to me from Thailand. Anyway I mention this because this is the one area not perturbed by the general chaos I feel yesterday and today. Somehow being on task changes the chaos into something more managable. Our normal Western way of work is all about "keeping the pressure on" when in actuality this creates a dislike of work and actually less work gets done. Maybe it is simply "Mindfulness of Working"
Any thoughts?
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