ed c:
I’ve read the glossary information and other writing and while it makes intellectual sense to me why these “affects” aren’t all they are cracked up to be, I can’t seem to make that leap that the loss of them would be good from the perspective of my wife/kids who would still value them... I admit I'm personally hung up here a bit with this, but it leaves me wondering if those “left behind” who still want love and compassion will have a sense of loss at my inability to feel love and compassion or if things like benevolence will make this “loss” irrelevant or a even a good thing. I haven’t got my head around it this will work from the perspective of others dependent on me, not just me.
Something Trent said to me might be relevant here:
trent:
also know that love's imitations of caring, intimacy, sweetness and kindness are only ambiguous shadows of what they mimic (those actual things), thus there is nothing but suffering being lost by letting go of it entirely.
to take it a bit further, you say your family might miss the fact that you can't feel love and compassion. how does your love and compassion manifest, for them? from their perspective, when they look at you and interact with you, how does the love and compassion show? you are feeling love, but your feeling of love is only something you feel, not them. it seems to manifest most in the actions you take towards them. you might say 'i love you', for example, and true, you wouldnt be able to say that sincerely any more. but all the things you do like taking care of them, giving them advice, doing things for them to make their lives easier, being intimate w/ the wife, etc., that all remains, and apparently is even amplified (loving caring, intimacy, and kindness are only ambiguous shadows of actual caring, intimacy, and kindness). just a direction to think about.
ed c:
Perhaps all the information I need is there and I just need to keep reading, thinking and probing to understand? Regardless, you’ve pointed me (by design or not) to look deeper into myself. “I” have typically sought outside sources for validation of the truth of something so on a certain level this is probably contributing in a major way to my struggle as “I’ve” not historically speaking been accustomed to guiding myself. If it’s not obvious, my intention is not to poke holes in this so I can feel justified in walking away. It’s truly to understand with the sincere hope that I can do this and all my concerns that seemed significant at the time will turn out to fade away under the light.
that's the spirit! it is your journey to take, and requires a lot of confidence and sincerity. i encourage you to try to poke holes in this, as by examining what you think are holes in it sincerely you can come to understand whether they truly are. it doesn't do you any good to simply believe or trust what others say - it must be backed by personal experience (e.g. a PCE) and observation.