| | Hi folks - I would welcome some advice.
I’ve been taking 20 MG of Lexapro for about 4 years. I started taking it for help with general anxiety and obsessive compulsive/addictive behavior. It really has done a good job of quieting my mind, making me less emotional and was a big help in quitting drinking.
With that said, I’ve been considering going off it for about the last year or so. I tried about a year ago and chickened out. I had not taken any for several days, while on the phone with someone I started getting angry. It got so intense I seriously felt like I could run through a brick wall. I have never felt that powerful a surge of energy; it was incredible and very frightening. My mind and body were absolutely freaking out. I tried again about 4 months ago, this time slowly going off it when some similar but not as intense feelings overtook me and I went back on it vowing that it’s just that the time wasn’t right with some intense work stuff going on.
Which brings me to today and my practice of AF, which is about 3 weeks old. I’ve made some decent insights and want to continue to deepen my practice, which could include going off the Lexapro (for good this time). On one hand the medication helps me to mentally focus and definitely blunts strong feelings and makes others almost or entirely undetectable. While this might seem good for practice, I’m speculating this masking of feelings won’t ever allow me to really eliminate the power them. That I have to feel them, in full strength and make continuous conscious decisions to not allow them to rule “me” in order to stop them and become VF and then AF. I could be mistaken and maybe this is wrong. Perhaps others have had the opposite or somewhat different experience?
This thought keeps popping up while I’m searching for feelings/emotions I can’t help but wonder if I’m not feeling anything or only slightly feeling something because it’s being blocked/reduced by the medication. It makes me feel like I’m cheating in a way that ultimately will only hinder my progress. I also wonder if this might reduce the chance of having a PCE? While I’m new at this, I do look forward to eventually having one and wonder if the mediation could have an effect on that either way.
I looked at my work schedule today and setup a plan that includes reducing then quitting over the next few weeks. However, at the last minute I thought I’d throw this out there in case anyone has an experience with this as my searches on here and the AF site yielded nothing on the subject.
Thanks. Ed |