| | My usual mode of attention is about taking in certain points and certain words that the other is saying, then adding my filters (ughh), adding memories (ughh), adding all manner of stuff and constructing a meaningful picture.
I agree that if you listen in a certain way, attending to every sound and word with full attention, it's almost impossible to gather any meaning at all. Listening to music that way has the same effect - it sounds like noise! So the meaning is important to us when we listen, I suppose.
Regarding meaning: Sometimes I will purposefully tune in to a single aspect like tone of voice, which gives massive amounts of information on its own. Or, I might be on the lookout for double entendres or Freudian slips, which people do all the time in certain settings - also very revealing. Other times I will do a sort of hypnotic gaze which, if I'm in the right frame of mind, will cause the person I'm gazing at to reveal whatever it is that is really bugging them, deep down. It spills out like a fountain!
People rarely say what they mean, especially when they're in slightly tense or vulnerable situations. This seems to be particularly so for women. You have to interpret every single thing they say, which is hard work. Milton Erickson would say that you should always listen very carefully and respectfully, but never take anything at face value! |