tarin greco:
the teachers i've liked are the ones i could talk to, openly, unguardedly, like i'd talk to a friend whose opinion i respected and whose reproach i listened to with care. the ones who cared enough to talk to me.
what things do you like about teachers?
I like this question.
As I consider a response, I guess first off I will say that I've benefited from not just one but multiple teachers.
At times, I've gravitated toward certain teachers because something about their particular presentation of the dharma resonated with where I was at that time.
I've been amazed by how some teachers have been really inspiring to me from a relative distance, but in person we had a weak connection, even cold. Other teachers who I found highly irritating for their books or talks, in person are lovely people. Some are inspiring from any distance, and those have been my most valuable teachers.
I think what makes a good teacher is a mixture of personality and attainment. Without the attainment, they can be really nice, learned, and many other wonderful qualities, but they will lack the deep intuition and understanding of the path, and so are really going to be limited, I believe, in their ability to give authentic transmission.
I think there's also a set of skills (what I above called "personality") that's also helpful. Availability, experience, learning, calm, and care for me, are all qualities that I think help to make someone with something to teach an effective teacher. Ultimately, however, I feel this isn't very important. If the student is highly motivated, they're going to listen really carefully to what even the most un-teacherly teacher has to teach, because in terms of the dharma, anyone with attainment, even if they might seem brisk, weird, or confusing, has actually a lot of wise intuition, focus, and goodwill operating. I've had teachers that I thought were pretty useless at the time but it turned out the things they said were very timely and helpful, and that this was directly due to the fact of the depth of their practice. This issue is of personal interest to me, because I would eventually love to teach the dharma in a formal capacity, but I've got a lot of room for improvement regarding acting in a way that is, for lack of a better word,
attractive enough for people to pay attention and absorb the teaching. Also, I think certain personalities, in certain situations, just click, so it's good to have the variety.
My closest teacher relationship has only deepened as the years have gone by. First I was drawn to this person because they seemed very respectable by society's standards. At the time, this was a requisite for my involvement with them, immersed as I was in the world and trying to make a place in it.
Then, what they spoke was measured and helpful. In person, I felt a deep sense of love such that I had only ever felt with my pet dog.
This person made an apparently strong effort, despite many other duties, to learn about me. It seemed there was mutual appreciation, despite rare interactions, of the depth of connection.
Because of this person's depth of practice, every time I met with them, in any setting (daily life or long retreat) they were able to respond freshly, with wisdom and compassion, and so help me to progress.
This person also expressed support for me in doing very unconventional things, like living alone on an island instead of going to school.
At times, they were surprisingly gentle. I could say "my practice fell apart," and that would be OK.
At other times, they made enormously challenging requests, and endured my complaints, offering some encouragement and a modicum of guidance, but unafraid to be firm that this was their current teaching so long as they are my teacher.
They rejoiced in my happiness, and let the role be flexible.
Most of all, throughout it all, I think it was a sense that they were seeing me for who I really am, whether seeing that and helping give expression to it through learning to practice, or in the capacity of seeing that and practicing together. This relationship is my reference point for good spiritual friendship.
I suspect I was a gift to them in turn because I showed up as a sincere student, and somehow saw what they had to offer- continue to.
This particular teacher likes to say that it's the student that makes the teacher.
I would appreciate hearing from others of you what you think makes a good dharma teacher, a good teacher in other fields, and what's the overlap.