Nikolai .:
However, I would say that if your approach is effective in what you say it helps do, then I'd advise any pre-path yogis interested in laying down the weight of the illusion of self to use this direct and quick approach to lay down that weight so that it may help in furthering the goal of an actual freedom from malice and sorrow, craving and aversion of all kinds (if that's your goal).
Nick
Nick/Thassa,
I’m the kind of guy Nick is talking about. No question, from my perspective this is very helpful. I had my first real shift in perception yesterday (Saturday) after spending significant portion of Friday reading Ciaran’s blog and trying to apply the technique! I could write a book on what happened yesterday but let me try and condense it. It’s important to say that what I perceived yesterday seems gone, at least vastly diminished.
I also need to note; I’m leaving in 3 days for my 10 day Goenka retreat and can’t spend much time away from my meditation and perception practice. With that said, I hesitated spending ANY time on this RT stuff on Friday, but it turned out to be an AWESOME thing from a perspective that would be helpful on the Gonenka retreat too. Here is the brief version of what I did and what happened:
Friday, read the blog started applying the RT method of “do I exist”. I was focused less on looking for “me” and more on trying to perceive that just this moment exists. Read from his blog and the “Brutal Beginnings” file and had flashes of understanding that was more than intellectual. However, went to bed thinking that was cool but I didn’t “pop” as they say.
Woke up on Saturday, things seemed brighter, different. It took me a bit to realize it, then it was clear, something REALLY was different…but what? Started reading the notes I took from the RT info and I could now perceive “just this moment”. I could think about this moment being everything and wham, “I” felt it, “I” saw it, “I” was stuck in it. To be VERY clear, “I” was still there, so was feeling, but vastly diminished and perhaps for pockets of time “I” really was totally gone, it was hard to tell. Here are some specific things that happened:
1) I suddenly thought about time never ending and never beginning. It’s just always “now”. Of course it never began and will never end. How could it? It’s ALWAYS just now! That made perfect sense in way it never did before. It wasn’t a concept; it was a fact and now it was really understood.
2) Saw a picture of Jack Kornfield on a magazine cover and his face looked 3D, real, alive. I stared at it for about a minute lost in how amazing it looked.
3) Meditated and it was AWESOME. I got locked into the breath for 30 minutes *. The normal mind chatter was almost gone. I could apply Nick’s advice from Tarin and I could do it in a way that was NOT possible just the day before. It was simpler, not entirely effortless, but close.
4) Talked to my neighbor. After I was done, and only after I was done, I noticed it was effortless. Never once did I think about “him” or what he might be thinking about “me”. That may seem trivial but that’s HUGE and that lack of awareness of self lasted much of the day. I didn’t TRY and stop obsessing/judging, it was just GONE. Nothing to try and stop. Quiet.
5) While I was scared to do it (for fear of losing it) I forced myself to try and perceive things like I had all my life. A separate me, experiencing life, separate from it. I was NOT able to really see it that way anymore, but I didn’t press too hard. While this new mode of perceiving was not effortless, it was also not that fragile.
6) Had ice cream with the family. Got lost in how awesome the ice cream looked. Fascinating. Spooked my wife a bit.
7) Was FINALLY able to do what Jill said about noticing shades of color on objects and not just the object. I perceived with judging, without LABELING. I could just notice the qualities of something and that was enough, it was interesting, bordering on fascinating. There was a F**CKING sense of WONDER. That’s what I’m trying to say.
8) Noticed smells like a mofo. I was smelling cinnamon inside of a barbecue smell that was wafting down my street. Distinctly cinnamon, inside the other smell, over and over.
9) The biggest thing is just being able to rest in this moment with nothing else. Got lost in a cartoon my kids were watching. Caught myself literally slack jawed, deeply watching, nothing else was even happening. The noise in my head was quiet. I was comfortably sitting in the now without wanting or needing anything.
Woke up on Sunday, it’s gone, essentially. That same tree that was awesome yesterday today looks like a tree. It’s cool, but not awesome. No matter how hard or how gently I look, nothing. It’s just a tree. DAMN! Yes, this is the present moment and yes when the future comes it will the present moment but there is no “meaning” attached it. “I” am back and “I” feel a sense of time. A “me” to protect and that lives life. A past and a future, a cause and effect. The things I perceived yesterday mean something, they were a glimpse, but I can’t quite “feel” or “see” it anymore. I’ve looked and it’s gone, or hidden. The best way I can describe it is like coming off a high (pick your favorite drink/drug). It’s gone and the world is simply not perceived the same way anymore. It’s like it’s not possible. It’s not lack of effort, it’s gone. I can’t pretend to “feel high” anymore, it’s over. What I have is a memory of something different, something VASTLY better than this. That’s cool and I am grateful for having a true taste of it and it will help me get back. I definitely have a better understanding of what I am looking for. Just wish I knew how to get it back? Going to stop writing and go meditate and think about “no me” and “this moment” some more. Doing my best to stay present and observe.
Lastly, AF is still the goal, no question. I see this like Nick said, a way to remove a sense of self which I will use as a stepping stone to AF in a similar way that I am going to a Goenka retreat to a learn a technique toward a goal of PCE and AF.
Best to all. Take care! Fascinating weekend so far. Life changing…
Ed