David R Nelson:
Hi Simon, I think that you will find digging through the older threads will prove to be quite enlightening as you practice AF.
I've been going through them and find them quite enlightening. What I need right now though is some feedback on how I'm doing. Keeping it practical though.
I'm the type of person who goes fast and gets results sometimes before I can handle them. That's why I'm looking for support here.
David R Nelson:
I have been working on this for a few years now with incremental success. I find things are better than ever now for me except that a high level of diligence is truly necessary at all times to progress.
I agree very much. I've been going 100% at this.
David R Nelson:
One second of PCE is great, but how will you make living the PCE an overriding and dominant intention in your life? That's what we are talking about, right? The choice is yours. I means you have to give yourself permission to make that choice. All that stands in your way is yourself, right? lf kept clearly in your mind then you can keep progressing and establishing the best habit(s).
Before I got into this, I was the most stressed out person in the world. Now I can relax more and more.
I want this. Tbh, if someone told me they could do this relatively safe brain surgery to get me into the exact same place as Richard, I'd go for it.
The positive thing about my situation is that I've been examining myself for at least 10 years now, just not in the HAIETMOBA way. But I have seen most of myself already. I just wish I would have done it in the HAIETMOBA way to begin with.
David R Nelson:
So, what obstacles do you see yourself as having now?
The main obstacle is that I sometimes get to this glimpse of seeing the actual world, but I cannot get it back intentionally. I keep practicing the method, which brings about more and more positive results. But I wish I could get the actual world back intentionally.
Also, Richard has talked about this feeling of turning over in the nape of his neck, which started his actual freedom. I've been having that feeling there as well, and something shifted as a result (I have another thread on this).
As a result, along with my normal functioning, I've been constantly experiencing a near PCE like state.
It's like what happened to Richard, happened to me, but incomplete.
I want it to go all the way, get it over with.
In all honesty, that is my current block. This obsession with "have the thing happen in my brain fully already and get it over with".
David R Nelson:
What is keeping you from experiencing this moment of being alive? I might add that an actual experience of this moment of being alive is necessary and sufficient to get you to where you want to go. -David
Thanks David, you are very clear in your explanation.
Ok, honesty here...
I'm experiencing frustration and urgency, combined with the desire of this thing in my neck happening all the way already. I'm in a half-way there state, and want to get it over with.
There is also fear. I've 'hit" the area of instinctual passions and am torn. One part of me wants to keep them, the other part of me wants to get it over with.
And then there's control. I cannot control many of the things that are happening to me. And although I know it will end in something wonderful, this feeling of "I" not being there to find it wonderful kicks in the survival mode, making me emotional.
This then makes it hard to refocus on the actual world.
I know I'm taking it too seriously. Richard says that it is not a serious business whatsoever. But I'm overtaken by fear, desire to have it happen, conflict between the two of them, and attempting to keep practicing. But the practicing is very difficult with these emotions going on and at this stage.
I keep going though. Have been doing HAIETMOBA in my dreams even, evening out some nightmares.
But this is heavy.
And this is exactly the situation I would like to have some help with.