Out of curiosity, why are you pursuing concentration only, rather than insight?
I have a thread
here, where I address this issue to an extent.
In a nutshell,
I do not conceptually -- and more importantly, experientially -- understand Insight Practice just yet. I need someone to explain the nuts and bolts of it to me. I know that sounds really dumb, but from having read the chapter on it on MCTB, the mental impression that was created for me is something along these lines: notice as many physical sensations as quickly as possible while on the cushion. For instance, if you notice the breath rising,
mentally say: "rising." If you feel a discomfort in your leg from sitting, note, "pain."
However, the issue I have with doing it
really fast is that introduces an
active component into the whole thing -- as though I would be rushing myself to catch as many sensations as possible. I thought meditation was about becoming grounded and not getting worked up (that's at least what I think would happen if I go along with my current understanding of Insight Practice). I guess the issue gets worse if we're talking about not picking any specific object, and simply noting whatever sensations arise. This to me sounds like would lead to an absolute mess. My mind wouldn't be grounded on anything specific, so there will be no
depth or stability to the meditation.
But even if I picked a specific object for Insight Practice such as the breath, how can I make it go any faster than it's going? My breath is only rising and falling at the rate in which it normally does -- how can I pack in more sensations? Am I supposed to be looking for finer sensations that generally get overlooked, such as the "texture" of the breath for instance (in between "rising" and "falling")?
Are we talking about grounding the mind on an object, then "scanning" it faster and faster and faster with the mind? Considering each sensation as a separate, self-existent "object" with no relationship whatsoever with the sensations before or after?
Also -- I've read that a good place to start Insight Practice is from one of the higher samatha jhanas (4th jhana, ideally). I believe I have access to 2nd jhana. But when I'm in the 2nd jhana, I do not deliberately pick an object to focus on. If I'm focusing on anything, then it's the "effortless" aspect of the experience.
Things come up on their own while I'm in this state, and my mind considers them for a while until they pass away on their own. Concentration is
palpable as all this happens. Usually these "things" are formative experiences that left a mark on me, but were never resolved (or fully let go of). Identification with these experiences weigh me down as a person -- observing them arise and pass away is liberating, and creates more internal space if you will for my mind to travel deeper within (into higher jhanas, hopefully). Sometimes, these things are external objects that act as "kasinas." I could look at the pattern on a brick and find it fascinating -- or be solidly concentrated on it. Overall, the experience is
contemplative (in the 2nd jhana). I know some spiritual traditions (Christian mysticism for instance) focus almost exclusively on contemplation, so there must be something to it.
So, the whole idea of "dry" Insight Practice makes no sense to me. Samatha jhanas, on the other hand,
feel transformative to me. My mind clears up a lot after a samatha sit, and I can look at my life/consider it with much more calm, peace, and poise.
Also, I
definitely "get something out of" Concentration Practice -- the experience of the jhanas, and a much, much calmer mind that does not easily get distracted by trivial concerns. I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to "get out of" an Insight Practice session just yet...(that's what I mean by not "getting it" experientially -- once a whole bunch of sensations have been noted,
what exactly happens, or is supposed to happen??)
Basically, I want to minimize my chances of "fucking up" on the spiritual path, and that's why I want to create the strongest possible
foundation for Insight Practice for myself by working on Training in Concentration and Training in Morality simultaneously -- a well-lived, truthful, considerate and honest life "topped off" with concentration states intuitively seems like the healthiest option for me for a while to come. I have suffered from a lot of psychological pain/issues (was very suicidal in my teens/early 20's) in the past, so I want to make sure that I'm pretty stable and sane before I take the plunge into Insight Practice (which is supposed to lead me through the Dark Night first before providing any relief).
I would say things have already begun to clear up quite a bit for me since I joined this forum. I'm trying to "straighten myself out" in the mundane sense, and I've been trying to stabilize my mind as best as I can by getting into the concentration states. I'm sure after a while of this, I will feel psychologically prepared to go further, and begin deconstructing reality as I find it.
Thanks for listening. By the way, what does "FTW" stand for? Could you please provide me a link to the thread?