Hi, Michael,
I recently had relationship issues that brought a lot of feelings too, all with a lot of potential to see 'how I tick'. And, since it seems that a lot of things are happening to you at the same time, maybe the following advice could work for you too.
So, I decided to solve specific things at specific times. I tried to operate as a detective and open specific lines of investigation. In this case, were my malice and my need to belong. One first and then the other.
What I did was
1. Read a lot about the topics around one of my lines of investigation from the AFT page's
glossary and library2. Take a day or two of exclusive attention to that line, contemplating alone how it was permeating each of my actions, thoughts and intentions.
3. When in communication with others, be attentive, with all your pure intent, to not just see how it operates before, during and after the interaction, but also to restrain any action inspired by that feeling and get back to feeling happy as soon as possible.
The results of all that were not just surprisingly effective individually but also accumulative: these lines of investigation formed a combo. In more specific and personal terms, I cut (at least a lot of) the umbilical cord that tied me to this one person (product of my investigation of the need to belong). Then, as a result, I would identify some feelings that came along with that feeling of independence like disdain, desire of seeing this person jealous and suffering for me, need for revenge, etc. So, if I was attentive, the harmlessness ignited automatically to let go all those subsequent feelings.
When that combo happens, everything look much clearer and pure, like the subtraction of specific elements is having a great impact on my general sense of self. Also this allows me to see how this spiderweb of 'me' is formed, to see clearer the connections within it (in this case, the intersection between malice and need to belong).
In summary, at least for me, specific investigations lead to untie some important knots that lead to unexpected results in the identity in general. So I think all is about the old 'think globally, act locally'. Be minimalist in action but generate and keep the pure intent of become actually free in general; be attentive with the reference frameworks product of your investigations in mind; and follow the leads of such investigations to discover even more causes and conditions of your feeling being in general.
Keep up the good work