Simon T.:
One of the reason people struggle so much with their relationship is that they are dishonest from the beginning. They project a false image of themselves. That's missing the point of a relationship. The secret of a great relationship is interdependence, mutual understanding and non-attachment. By dependence, I mean a recognition that the other greatly improve your life, hence you attribute great value to that person. Being thankful of that, you will want great things for that person too
I believe that if you drop all the images, and strip yourself naked (metaphorically speaking, of course) in front of a potential partner - in other words, when you "be yourself" - there is only a thin chance that the relationship will continue from then on. This is especially true in the beginning stages of a relationship.
Simon T.:
Non-attachment means a recognition that even if the person is a great source of happiness, worrying about loosing him or her is of no use and only get in the way of your happiness. When I'm having great time with my girlfriend, I purposely pay attention to the subtle "insatisfaction" left in my mind. Inside of us, we are always aware of the impermanence of things and that make us worry. Letting go of this is essential (but fucking hard).
Jealousy? Isn't that the fear of invalidating the illusory fidelity-image (based on the gene-strategy of reliably raising one's - and one's own - offspring) that we construct of our partners? I recently thought of a thought-experiment: when/if I get a partner, imagine her falling in love with other men (furtively or not), and see how "I" react to it - each and every day. Call this "jealousy-check".
The other fear could be the fear of losing her love. The whole charade of attempting to "impress" the other person is based on this fear, which in turn is fear of living alone.
Simon T.:
Being truly understood and accepted by someone the way we are is a great remedy against loneliness, if not the greatest. You get to accept yourself much more easily and expose yourself to the world with greater confidence.
Yes, it is a remarkable cure (if only temporary) for insecurity. I've experienced this several times.
Simon T.:
The independence mentality of modern society is bound to create failed relationship.
Methinks it is more of an "independent, but repressed within" mentality.
Simon T.:
Whatever we say about enlightenment, love is awesome, no matter how impermanent it is.
"awesome" is but an euphemism for "euphoric". The later gets more of one's identity than the former. :-)