| | @Nick: Thanks for inquiring.
I have resolved to meditate at least twice daily, once in the morning and once at night, for about an hour each if possible, which I started this Monday. I have meditated on and off at numerous times in my life. As a youngster (I am now 35), I was taught Shikantaza mediation by my father and uncle who were daily meditators and who were both active at a Soto temple in Evanston Illinois. A few years ago I became interested in samadhi meditation and practiced it sporatically. A dedicated daily meditation practice was made difficult by the fact that I was working nights, going to school (teaching certification, student teaching, grad school, a 140 miles commute there and back, etc), driving into the city whenever possible to see my girlfriend, family involvements, etc. With just one semester left I am thrilled to be able to begin a meditation practice which I hope will provide a spiritual eduation in the way than school (for twelve years) provided me with an academic education. School taught me a great deal of discipline and I hope to channel this discipline in part into my meditative practice.
I have a zafu and a zabuton, and my apartment has a loft, so I've decided to meditate up there. It is easy to meditate during the day because my girlfriend is at work, and easy to meditate at night when my girlfriend goes to sleep. I work weird hours so we aren't totally aligned regarding when we are awake and asleep, etc.
I have already learned that it is best for me to meditate on my zafu. There were a few times that I tried to meditate elsewhere when my legs got stiff, such as a chair, and even in bed, by the mind is so trained to wander in a chair, and sleep in a bed, that it is really much more productive on the cushion. My mind feels sharper for longer periods of time.
My plan is to practice samadhi meditation for a handful or months -- who knows, six or so? -- to strengthen my focus. If I could obtain access concentration, that would be wonderful. My original plan was to meditate until I obtained 1st jhana, and only then begin vipassana mediation. However, some of the things I've read on this site are making me think again. Although the jhana teachers go on to no end about how essential jhana is for insight meditation, it seems people around here feel that samadhi can be developed along the way, in the course of doing vipassana meditation. Dan said he never really developed samadhi until around the time he reached stream entry. Plus, it occurs to me, that vipassana jhanas may be develop in the course of insight meditation -- and at least then I will have gained some insight along with the concentration! Nevertheless I'd like to practice the concentration a bit before I leap into vipassana, which will give me time to 1) develop concentration, and 2) learn more about how to perform vipassana mediation (which I've never formally been taught). I have downloaded a few texts by Mahasi Sayadaw, S.N. Goenka, and I will read the relevant sections of Dan's book to get me started.
My meditation has gone well so far, I believe. I am focusing on the breath in the general vicinity of the nostrils. When I start it often takes about ten minutes to settle the mind. Even then I occassionally drift into a dream fantasy, of nod off, or have a thought zip through my mind, but to a lesser degree. Then I am pretty focused for about twenty, thirty minutes and then I start to notice the pain in my leg and/or foot and I wonder if the alarm is going to go off any second. It then gets harder to focus until I decide to stop. I am thinking about switching my meditation session to 45 minutes until I am rocking it solid without thoughts and discomfort, and then switching to an hour (in a week or two).
As I focus on my breath, sometimes a few things seem to happen: 1) sometimes the breath seems to become louder and more noticeable, and it sounds rougher, and I've assumed that this was because my concentration was coming to focus more directly on the breath; 2) sometimes I see lights and cloudy substances, which I KNOW isn't a nimitta, but it is hard to get my mind to not wish for it to be a weak nimitta (I have to practice not wanting a nimitta); 3) a few times I've gotten the sensation of prickles on my scalp, like my scalp was crawling, and then in my mind it has felt like I've emerged into a more open space, such that my mind felt more like a cave as opposed to a block of stone. It has seemed at those times that less thoughts managed to penetrate into my mind, or at least they were more easily held at bay. It is hard to say how long these states lasted. About ten minutes? I have also learned to turn off the heater because the blower is in a closet in the loft and when that thing goes off it really throws off your concentration. I don't know if this was a mild case of access concentration. I don't want to read too much into it, but it also used to happen sometimes back when I was doing samadhi a few years ago. It is light, but it does feel like a stronger concentrated state. I would like to be able to get into this each time I meditate. We shall see. Too much desire, however, will probably thwart me so I want to play it cool, so to speak, and not get too excited about slight changes in consiousness or slight, purple webs that appear before my eyes.
A few other notes. I recently read an article which suggested that the emphasis on a light nimitta has been exagerated, and that it is perhaps equally likely to have a feeling, or sensate nimitta -- such as a feeling like cotton, etc. I know I am nowhere close to getting a nimitta but just having read the article has helped allow me to stop looking for lights. The article also said that some traditions suggest not focusing AT ALL on the nimitta, which has helped me try to keep my awareness solely on the breath.
Once I had a second or two of pleasure wash over me. Was it a jhana factor? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Just keep focusing on the breath...
I have wavered between trying to imagine the breath as pleasurable and delightful, which some people have suggested as helpful, or just focusing on the breath as regular, which others have recommended. Generally I just focus on the breath and don't try to imagine it is seductive or overly intriguing.
Also, I have a nostril issue. I now have a cat (my girlfriend's) living with me to which I am mildly allergic. It means that my nostrils are in a near constant half state of congestion. Not dripping, just stuffed. I purchased nasal spray and it works wonders at clearing my completely, but I don't want to become overly dependent on it by using it every day. I wonder if from time to time it might not be possible to switch my focus on my breath at the lips of the mouth, or do I have to pick one site and use it from now until forever...This situation is unresolved.
That is about all I have to report at this time! Thanks for reading.
Alan |