Sean Lindsay:
Here's what I imagine a potential teacher might want to know about a potential student:
My practice has generally been consistently vipassana in what I've come to understand to be the Mahasi Sayadaw approach, though I read dharma books voraciously, and I find a lot of value in Zen teachings, as well as vipassana materials.
Then I discovered DHO and MCTB. At first I was skeptical that the very-fast-noticing practices recommended in MCTB and here at DHO were even possible, but as I tried it out, I found that I could accelerate my noticing very significantly. Shortly after that, my practice changed quite significantly, leading to an experience that I've come to think of as stream-entry, but which lacked a number of what I've come to understand are the usual characteristics of stream entry.
Since that time (whether that was stream-entry or not), I've had a much longer and more slow-developing experience with meditation. For about a year (2010) I lived in an extended dark night, where almost every sitting and much of my life off the mat was characterized by obsessive fear and a fair amount of misery. That culminated in a December 2010 Spirit Rock retreat when, with the help of Mary Grace Orr, I was able to turn *toward* the fear and pain and misery in ways that I had been unable to do off retreat. During an afternoon sitting at Spirit Rock, I felt a distinctive shift deep inside my body -- like the odd sensation of a brief earthquake. And suddenly, I was ok with sitting with pain and fear and the rest. Turning toward it became easy. And at the end of that retreat, while walking in the hills, I encountered a Buddha statue with lots of little offerings lying on and in front of it. Gratitude arose in me in relief of all the suffering that I'd been able to lay aside. That seemed to trigger another shift, and "I" dropped away, with only gratitude remaining -- but not only was there "my" particular gratitude, but the perception and sensation of also the gratitude of all those who'd left mala beads or pebbles or house keys or feathers in front of the Buddha statue. All offerors were one offeror, and all different expressions of gratitude were the same action. And as with such experiences, it continued briefly, and then subsided.
That was followed by about a year of comfortable equanimity. I was fine with uncomfortable sittings. I was fine with comfortable ones. I was fine when fears arose. I was fine when they subsided. I returned to Spirit Rock in October and with the help of the retreat leaders and the practice of explicit resolutions, I got to high equanimity, experiencing what for me was incredibly fast, energetic noticing practice, incredibly calm mindstates, incredibly beautiful perceptions of ordinary existence. But no path.
So now I'm back to "normal" life, and I've come to recognize how much more progress I seem to be able to make with the help of teachers than I seem to be able to make sitting by myself in my basement.
Hi Sean,
An attorney, eh? Hummm. Never had much luck finding compassionate or honest people in that crowd. But be that as it may... (BTW, that's not meant to be a slight on you; just the profession in general and people I've come across.)
The profession you've chosen allows you a perfect opportunity to hone any skills you might have developed on the meditation cushion to assist you in that profession. In practicing law one has to develop the ability to recall a tremendous amount of mental detail about whatever circumstance they are addressing and to be "present" (in the present moment) when in a situation that calls for a recitation of that detail. This necessarily involves the development of mental concentration and mindfulness, which is a BIG part of what one should ideally learn from meditation/contemplation. So, in that sense, you've been developing good mental habits all along that serve one well in Dhamma practice.
Where the Dhamma differs from this is in the area of self-identity, self-honesty, gratitude, compassion, recognition of reality (what is
there as opposed to what one may "think" is there, meaning the ending of delusion and biases), and retraining the mind to react to "things as they are" without bringing in suffering. Basically the development of
Sila,
Samadhi, and
Panna, or moral and ethical training, concentration training, and the development of wisdom through insight into "things as they are" in terms of the three characteristics of existence. If this is what you are seeking, then this is what Dhamma practice can help you to achieve.
When it comes to path achievements, I differ from many here in that I follow a more traditional sutta definition based on my own experience with it. Whether or not you've achieved stream entry is something that
only you might know or be aware of. I wouldn't be too concerned about this right now if I were you; just keep it in the back of your mind to pull out every once in a while for an honest self-evaluation. Stream entry, from my experience, involves a personal recognition and adherence to what Gotama had to teach as being the most honest, liberating, and forthright path to self-awareness that has ever been taught on the earth. That kind of recognition and reverence for the Dhamma is a personal experience that
only you in your deepest heart can know and appreciate. It sets one on the stream of
adherence to the practice of the Dhamma, hence "stream entry."
From your descriptions, it sounds as though you are well on the path, and have been able to arrive at some important plateaus along the way. Remember what Gotama said about his path and the simplicity of it: "Formerly, Anuradha, and also now, I make known
only suffering and the cessation of suffering." (MN 22.38; SN 22.86) This was made clear in the teaching of the Four Noble Truths. One ennobled seeker, Ven. Nanavira, once described the Four Noble Truths as the ultimate tasks for a man's performance, namely: Suffering commands "Know me absolutely!", Arising [of suffering] commands "Abandon Me!", Cessation [of suffering] commands "Realize me!", and the Path [leading to the abandonment of suffering] commands "Develop me!" The whole of the path was summarized by this teaching.
The practice itself involves being able to identify those moments that cause us suffering (
dukkha or dissatisfaction) and being able to surmount that through mindfulness of the truth that the Dhamma teaches. In this way, one's suffering in life can be alleviated. Once again, it sounds from your description that you have experienced some of this alleviation from suffering.
The development of mindfulness (
sati) with respect to the Dhamma and to each moment that you experience is the key to the ending of suffering. The most direct pathway to this end goal that Gotama had to teach was the practice of
satipatthana, or "the establishment of mindfulness" focused primarily on four areas: the body and material objects (
rupa), feeling (
sanna) and its identification, the mind (
citta) and mind states (recognition of the presence or absence of greed, hatred and delusion), and mental objects (
dhammas, which can be characterized by several Dhamma teachings beginning with awareness of the five mental hindrances, the five aggregates, the six sense spheres, and the awakening factors).
Where most people (myself included at one time) have become hung up is on all the minutiae of meditative experiences that can sometimes distract one from adhering to the path itself. When dealing with the mind (and especially an untrained mind), you have to accept that there are a variety of "strange" or "weird" experiences that might come up. What a good teacher can do is to help keep you focused on the practice itself and not on these "strange" or "weird" experiences, to help you stay on track to walk the path. That's basically what the teacher is there to do.
I've just outlined everything that is important about the practice itself without going into elaborate detail. If these resonate with you, then hopefully it will help give you some goal posts to keep in mind as you progress along the path.
In peace,
Ian